having a gender crisis, yay. basically i wanted to know if not wanting to be a woman is the same as being a trans man/transmasc. i don't really have much dysphoria, in terms of like...my physical body. i'm indifferent to my chest and hips and other such "feminine" traits. they're certainly there. the only thing close to dysphoria that i feel is not wanting a butt, but that might just be a weight thing?? idk, i tend to ignore it and dress androgynously, but i don't mind femininity in itself. i guess i get social dysphoria, though? like, i don't want to be perceived as a woman by other people. i don't want to be treated like a woman. i feel like i'm cosplaying as a woman most of the time, yunno, playing a role that doesn't actually fit at all with who i am, and very rarely do i feel comfortable with people seeing me as a woman. i don't know if this is the same as BEING a guy, like, internally, or if i'm just sick of sexism lmao, it might just be a mix of both. sometimes i find myself being only sort of uncomfy with being a woman, and other times i want to diy top surgery just so people don't call me a woman anymore. idk. shit's confusing. like do i hate gender roles or do i straight up hate my current gender?? idfk

for me - i went through something similar. i had a gender crisis where i hated being a girl and thought of being a guy also didnt seem to align with me. thats when i found out more about non-binary folks and i finally was able to be like "hey thats me!"

I don't know if this helps but..
i'm a woman and i always struggled with gender roles. i was very masculine, never liked stuff associated with pink, dolls and so on. always liked cars, violent games and was called out for being very masculine as a little girl. at one point i thought maybe i was never meant to be born as a woman at all. things went through. and i grew up realizing i was just a masculine woman? i guess. i love being a woman and that does'nt mean i get to be femenine at all. you'll figure it out one day. i wish you luck.

When questioning your gender, there's a lot to consider.
First, your own view of your AGAB. Examine your view of women. Are you holding deep rooted internalized misogyny? Are your thoughts of not wanting to be seen as a woman rooted in not wanting to be seen as certain negative traits you subconsciously associate with woman? Society may warp your perception here and sometimes internalized misogyny can manifest in a way where saying "fuck it, I hate being a woman so I must not be one" is an easy answer, but not necessarily the correct one. Internalized misogyny is a hell of a thing to unpack and work through, but so is being transgender. Neither is easy.
Try and separate gender roles and gender expression from your gender identity COMPLETELY. In a perfect world where you don't have to worry about what others expect of you and you can present yourself however you want, what do you think you'd be? How would you feel in your body? How would you like to be refered to? What would make you comfortable? Don't think about what your interests are or how you like to dress or how others see you or treat you. Try to separate all that and just think about YOU and what you are at your core.
Think of yourself in your ideal future. Picture yourself. In this future, how do you see yourself? Can you see yourself as an older woman? An older man? Or maybe neither? Are you happy in this idealized future? Do you recognize yourself as you?

I understand the confusion. I had to deal with this questioning, but I had a different thing to overcome - toxic masculinity. I was absolutely experiencing physical and social dysphoria, but in my head, there was no way I could be a man. I am pretty feminine and enjoy girly things from time to time. I feel more than think. And I am small and not physically strong. I thought I was too weak, too sensitive, and not masculine enough to be a man. I had to get through that and realize there isn't a right way to be a man. Once I realized that, I realized that... I found a lot of comfort thinking of myself as a man. That I couldn't picture me being a woman in my future, only as a man. Now over a year on T and almost 2 minths post op from top surgery, I am confident in my decisions and much happier and comfortable with myself.


If it means anything, I really do doubt that you are a trans man. There is a possibility that nonbinary could fit you, but like you said yourself, it's most likely that you hate the gender roles of being a woman. Don't try to fit them though. Stop pretending just to fit a role. Try to be the true you as much as you can. If you're not constantly pretending and just being your authentic self, the whole gender thing should become easier to figure out. Also, no rush here. This sort of thing can take a while to figure out. It took me years of questioning to be sure of who I was and what would make me happy. You'll get there eventually, so don't stress too too much about it. Give yourself time to think and examine things about yourself.
Good luck!! I hope I helped!

>>4

this was pretty helpful in that it gave me more things to consider instead of jumping to any conclusions, although i do want to ask your personal opinion on why you think it's unlikely that i'm trans? you probably know better than i do since you've actually transitioned and gone through the whole questioning hell already, so what do you think are some indications that I'm just overthinking my dislike of gender roles, instead of actually being trans? The idea that I can't be a guy is upsetting, but you do make a good point about how that doesn't necessarily mean anything on its own. i'll try to think about it more thoroughly on my own, of course, and I have for a few months now, but i'd also appreciate your input. thanks!

>>5
From what you wrote, there's just no indication that you desire to be a man, see yourself as one, or want to have the characteristics of a man (other than top surgery, but in the same sentence you said "to not be called a woman anymore" rather than actively wanting a flat chest).
It's still possible you could be trans in the nonbinary sense (although not all nonbinary people consider themselves trans), but as a binary trans man? I just don't feel it's likely based on what you wrote. You want to not be a woman, but that doesn't necessarily mean you want to be a man.
But I could be completely wrong, as I'm basing my guess soley on what you wrote, but obviously there's much more going on in your head that I don't know about!

I'm no expert in gender just because I transitioned, my experience is purely my own and others have very different experiences from mine. Gender is a complex thing, afterall! I just thought sharing my experience and what I used to help myself when questioning would provide a unique perspective that could help. :)