My grades have become worse, and I lack motivation for anything. I feel like I'm becoming too self-centred, and I have no reason to. I mean, life has given me everything. Why am I complaining? I am just taking up space, and if I were to disappear, no one would complain. I am just wasting everything. The only reason I haven't really killed myself is that I'm a big fat coward. I wish I wasn't. I think everyone would benefit from that.

I felt the same too honestly, ever since the whlole pandemic going on and like you, I'm too much of a coward to actually do the deed y'know? Some part of me probably still wants to witness everything until the end I guess. I talked to some of my friends and it did help me cope in some ways. Echo, is there anything you used to do/still do that makes you take off your mind off things?

How common your thoughts are.

everyone's pretty self centered, and plenty have horrible reasons to be, which is worse than having no reason. life hasn't given you something to love being here for, so start throwing away the things that aren't serving you anymore. having everything isn't fulfilment, it isn't happiness to want for nothing. right now you are serving your own mind's twisted opinion that Others would benefit without you.

you haven't asked any of the people you think harbor such thoughts. and you wouldn't ask because your mind told you they would lie and just tell you what you want to hear. your thoughts are lying to you. You know who takes up space? McDonalds. Cars. Marketing and Advertisement companies. Things in this world that serve only to feed peoples greed in exchange for a part of that "everything" while telling ourselves its worth it. that stuff doesnt benefit us the way they prescribe it, yet we are surrounded by it, completely surrounded. You don't take up any damn space at all.

you are a tiny little spec like the rest of us. The food you would no longer eat isn't gonna feed a village. You are consuming far less than you think. You are a slave to your misunderstandings, and that's ok, everyone is. we all spend our entire lives not knowing, just guessing, and fumbling about, only learning when we fall and scrap our knees.

your just guessing about what people think of you. and then worshipping the concept as truth. choose otherwise, because the people you think this about don't change on their own~ You end up treating them differently because of your own created thoughts about them. You might not realize it but people take notice when you act different than they're used to, and its always obvious to me when a new day's conversation has a new energy about it all together. I have to doubt my thought first, what do I really know about this person that I'm deciding for them how they feel about me. Its not up to you what they think, and if they lash out at you and actually call you trash then they're just thinkin about themselves~

cause you know it sucks when people have the wrong idea about you. You know that if they imposed their own opinion about you as if it were truth, you'd feel disrespected.

Stop thinking for others. School is bullshit. Motivation is short lived and unreliable. Stop being a slave to these ideas and figure out what YOU want to be and not whether others think
its worth living for. that's not up to them, its up to YOU.

its alright to be self centered, but it doesnt benefit YOU to be on this end of the spectrum. Screw how your life could benefit others. Deep down, as long as you dont hurt anybody, you benefit them everyday youre not leaving yourself dead for someone to find. In reality, killing yourself would be a burden in 1000 different ways.

and half of those way are out of self-centeredness. You arent the one that experiences your Death. Everyone else is. You dying takes their time and money and emotional well being. If you have to believe they are so selfish that the financial cost would be burden enough, than so be it. Use that Idea to survive another day. But not everyone is So Self Centered that theyre literally thinking about which people could benefit their lives by leaving it.

In reality, where you have to live to, Death doesnt benefit anyone, but its doesnt burden anyone either. The people is burdens have their own self centeredness that was self created.

You just thinking about how you benefit others is only hurting you. youre only stumbling behind your minds thoughts. either your mind is a tool for your becoming or you become a slave to its chaos. You chose to leave your mind off a leash and this is the result. Reign it in.