I've lost count of how many sleepless nights I spend awake in front of a screen looking for something that can fill this void that I constantly feel inside of me...

I feel totally out of place, like I don't belong anywhere in this world. I feel so alone and empty, and honestly I don't understand why I'm still alive.

I wanted to find something that can fill this internal emptiness and put a meaning into my miserable life...

Sorry for the bad English, I'm Brazilian. If someone feels the same way, say something. I can't stand feeling that I'm the only one in this world that is stagnant in time...

im sorry to hear that you're going through this. I understand how you feel and it sounds like you're having a really hard time. i'd advise you to get some help and find someone you can trust to talk with. i know thing are hard but you are deffinately not alone <3

You're English is very good imo - certainly my grammar is lacking hehe, no judgements here. I hope I can relay a message.

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This is a feeling I often sway between month to month, and sometime times hour to hour.

Consider that in your life, ripples don't always need to be made. While we may seek solice from the defeaning silence that is the very void you speak of, the void still had something to offer.

That very hole is simply the infinite expanse of the universe. And guaranteed you will find more exploring there than you will ever come to see on a screen.

The universe is mostly empty, yet the unfathomable still exists on a microscopic level, comparatively. Perhaps consider it a connection - as we grow, as the soul matures, we feel more of everything that we are, which is not separate from you. And again, the universe is mostly empty, down to the molecular level.

However, The concept that we are alone or believe that the emptiness matters (pun) is in and of itself the very and only veil which separates you - from the knowledge of the universe, from its thriving expanse, from its infinity.

The passion and drive you search for, to continue your life at peace with your-self, can be made with your own mind body and soul - as the mind of the universe, it's body, and the unknown soul of its understanding - all both creates and destroys at free will to make manifest every potentiality. But this insidious searching, I believe, is something particular to our gift of individual sentience.

The universe has created already in anticipation, Every potentiality which you have the right to witness with your own eyes. You must only lift those veils that convince you that is it not your right so feel whole, as and within yourself. You can forge and weild a unique passion of your own as a gift to the universe, because you too have its power. You are infinite.

In some other untouchable reach of space lies another you which has found exactly what you desire. The workings of Infinity would suggest it to be so. And on the opposing end of this chaos lies another self that remained as you are and did not realize the true self and one-ness with the universe. Perhaps you are peaking at this end of the spectrum, and the pendulum of your heart is beginning to fall - but see you are tethered to us. To everyone and everything. You will swing up. Let yourself fall from the searching for a time, and see what comes to you on my way back up.

Fanciful wording aside, lapidary Arts sticks out in my head for some reason. It's essentially stone carving, with quartz and such. Letting yourself fall into some solitary creative process is a good way to awake some potentially dormant synapses in the brain, which will ultimately help with any such intrusive thoughts. Whether the creative action you may take today fulfills this current void is not as important as allowing yourself to take pause from the concern of it.

Thanks for reading all of it if you did heh.

Typos whoops sorry ::

*lift those veils that convince you *IT IS* not your right *TO* feel whole...

*see what comes to you on *THE* way back. up

/sage