Hi eveyone, I'm a 19yo british guy that have made some mistakes in life and I don't know what to do right now. Even though I have 19, I didn't felt the years passing by, like my time just paused at some time, and when I realized, I was already legally an adult. When I was at my senior year(12th year) I had 16yo and because of stress, pressure and teacher who didn't give their classes right and lv up the exams to be at university lv, I decided to drop out and do a vocational qualification of 2/3 years( being the 3rd a practical one) in animation, what I was most interested in doing. I decided that I was going to do the 3 years and then go to Japan to work as animator as it was one of my dreams. I was really happy and did get good notes in everything since the start, the thing is when I was at the second year of this vocational qualification, I noticed that the title they give didn't help me to get the Student Visa to go to Japan, where it needed to be aproved by the ministry of education(I think it was, I don't really remember right now), as it was a title that only worked in my country and not elsewhere.

I finished the 2nd year and they gave me a title of technical 2d animator. I didn't do the 3rd year and right now I need to study for a exam in May to enter a qualified High Degree Qualification Course. The thing is I suck at math and physics, and those two are core subjects of the exams I need to do as it is for the technological part( for animation it said to me I needed to do this and not the other options).

I have been studying since November last year and I feel like I'm going to through up every time I think of the exam, every time I talk with my family about it, I feel sick and like I can't breathe. I have lost connection with all my friends, even with my best friend who I have been with for 6-7 years, so I have no one to talk with. I seriously don't know if Im going to pass the exam, but my family has warn me that if I don't pass they are going to kick me from their house without anything, and Im seriously afraid. I know a lot of people live from young age alone, far away from their families and have at least a half-time job, but I don't know what to do if I don't pass that exam. I have worked before half-time as a bartender, but I wasn't as quick as they asked me to be, I don't have any particular skill that I could use to get a work, I'm particularly good at drawing and animating, but I don't even know where to start to get a job as the one I had before was because a friend of mine asked me to enter this job with him, and because I thought it wasnt bad to get some money, I did it for half a year.

My family is a middle class one, my big brother is carrying my mother and I in his back, doing all the work for us to live a decent life and I feel really bad.I need to help him. I really want to pass the exam, but maths and physics are just killing me in all different ways and I dont know if Im going to be able to remember all of those formulas. I seriously have some really dark thoughts and sometimes I feel like I want to die, the thing is I don't really want to die, I just want to escape this nightmare called maths... but sometimes I question myself if my life it is worth it because my family is the one who is paying me the classes so I can study, and I feel really bad.

If I fail the exam, all the effort and money that is wasted on it... Can I do something worth the price of my life to help my family? I can pass this exam for sure? If I was never born, would my family be in better conditions? I sometimes think it would have been better for everyone if i wants born... I can't sleep well, I can't concentrate and I feel really sick from time to time because of a feeling that I have, like something is crushing me from the inside.

If you can NOT really pass your physics and math exams, then please make sure to pass the rest of the subjects.. I don't exactly know how to help you.. You will have to struggle and face pain in order to gain..

This is complete unrelated to animation but try visiting [WWOOF] or [Workaway]. WWOOF is an organization wherein your food and accommodations are provided in exchange for work. Your food and accommodation are provided by the person who you helped and the work is related to farming such as woodworking, fermentation, etc. Visit their site and read about it first if you're ever interested.Just know that the food they provide is maybe what the family has to offer, and the accommodations may just be a blanket on the floor of a small hut.

I know that it is really hard to be in that kind of situation, so please just hang on and still do your best!