I'm 17 in the US, so I'm not a legal adult. I live with my dad and stepmom. I moved across the country a while back to escape a bad situation. I was a little shit before I moved here, but now I'm a completely different person. I take full responsibility for the shit I did in the past, but I also feel somewhat dissociated from the person I used to be. Now, I had a friend who stopped talking to me for about 6 months after a fight that happened after I moved here. I visited after 6 months, and she still didn't want to talk to me. After about two days of me being in town, she decides that she wants to talk to me about moving into my house to escape her own. I decide to be receptive and she moves in, but we all (her and my parents) agree that she will be held to the same standards that I am. That means, she needs to grow the fuck up. She's 19. A legal adult.
She sleeps till noon, takes meds without seeing a therapist, gets paid for a job she doesn't have, steals every day, and her room is so messy it's literally a danger to our cats. Rotting food and trash everywhere. She is mentally ill, as is everyone in my family. But she refuses to help herself. We do not care what she does, if she rots in her own filth or if she gets arrested for fraud. We just don't want that shit in our house. I confronted her about it yesterday, because I'm at the point where I want her out of the house. She accused me of being manipulative and "using my power against her". She's a disturbance in my happy life and she's not living up to the expectations we set for her. She ended up teary-eyed talking about how she "is doing better than before", and I don't doubt that, but this seems to be where she wants to stop.
I don't like being called manipulative, as I was in the past but have worked hard on myself to be better. I know what manipulation feels like in my brain, and this isn't it. I am just fending for myself.

I don't know how to go about this issue. My mother, who lives in our home town, says that I'm the one that has been manipulated, but I don't trust her word entirely.

I don't really know what to do, or even what I'm asking. I'm really just in need of ranting.

I have no advice for you, but venting is always a nice thing to do, and I hope you feel refreshed :)

I'm really sorry for your situation. I hope things will work out soon, and that your "friend" will grow tf up because she's just weighing on you and your family. Honestly, I believe she's the one that is manipulating you but since I don't know much about it, I can't say for sure. It's good that you've vented about it though, please give yourself some alone time and try to do other things to take your mind off of it sometimes. I wish you well!

>>2
>>3

Thank you both :) feeling heard and understood is great, and definitely lifts some stress off me. I feel a little less crazy now haha

Honestly, what I'm going to say might sound cruel and maybe some people would consider it wrong.

But if it were me I'd kick her out. Let her grow up by herself, she already had a chance and you talked to her about it, if she's not willing to work for it why should you suffer for her? I wouldn't understand how hard it is for her to change, and I know people need help, mental issues are a serious problems, but if that person is causing you so much harm is it really bad to let go of them? I honestly wouldn't want to involve myself with her, she has her issues, but so do you, and idk how serious her issues are but they don't make yours any less valid, and it sounds like she might have a negative effect to your change.

I wouldn't risk helping her, I'd give her a last warning to at least not make problems for the people around her who are helping her or she'll get kicked out. If she says something to make you feel guilty I couldn't care less about what she says.

I know some will disagree with me, but it's okay to be selfish sometimes in order to maintain your family's happiness/stable lness. Especially when the other person isn't willing to cooperate.

Thank you all for listening to me and helping me realize I'm not crazy :) she's leaving in a week and I'm debating never speaking to her again. She's not always a bad person, but she definitely brings out the worst in me. She only really thinks about herself. And whenever I'm upset about something, it's somehow my fault, and she knows that I'll buckle pretty easily if she shifts the blame to me, So she avoids confrontation. I'm being cordial and spending time with her. She's non the wiser to how I feel about her, which makes me feel kind of dirty. But ultimately for my parents sake I don't want the drama of being actively mad or upset with her. She'll be moving in with a friend in our hometown in a week, them moving on to DC, and possibly france in the future. As nasty as it is to say, though, I don't see her going very far. I think she's going to struggle a lot when she doesn't have people holding her up. As she said herself, she's always had people taking care of her. I never have until recently. She is still very much a child, whereas I'm ready to move out and be my own person. This became abundantly clear on Christmas when I mentioned to my parents that I would be moving out in June, and she felt uncomfortable with that because I would still only be 17. She couldn't seem to fathom the fact that I was ready to support myself. Anyway, thank you all again for your support and for helping me feel less crazy :) It's helped a lot, and I look forward to releasing this dead weight.