I am still a 19 year old virgin. But, I honestly feel that I do not want to be in love, because I hate commitments. I just want friends with benefits to satisfy my lust and be left alone. Is this bad? Does this potentially make me a fuckboy? Also at the same time, I want my first sex to be with a genuine lover, which fucking contradicts everything. At this rate, I feel I am going to be a virgin, even in my 20s (despite being handsome and some girls like me). Advice?

It's not bad to desire sex. That's... what we're built for. If you want to fuck and be left alone, you just need to be honest with your partners. Don't lead them on.

Identify why you want your first time to be with a lover. Is that really important to you? If all you want is to be left alone, why is the first time different? Would you leave this first love after having sex? That would make you an asshole for sure. Would you consider having your first time with someone you're not passionate about, to prevent them from getting hurt?

I agree with the other anon. though I will say it is alot harder to just find someone to fuck, but if all your looking for is sex than that's not even "friends with benefits" because friends are like, friends, and do other shit together.

There's nothing wrong with wanting sex, I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting whatever as long as you don't want to hurt anyone against their will.

That being said if all you're looking for is sex it's gonna be hard, it's actually realistically easier to build a relationship up and also get sex from it, but if you dont want a relationship then it's kind of messed up to uses someone like that so don't do it.

And yeah it is kind of a contradiction for you to want a serious meaningful connection with the first person you have sex with but be so cum-and-go with the others, but the human mind's desires are not always so rational.


I will say as a bit of reassurance from a non-virgin to a virgin, it's cool and fun but a bit overhyped all things considered.


and also one last thing, you CAN love someone without being in any commitments. The only limited on the kind of relationships you can have are what you're able to communicate and be honest about with yourself and others, and others willingness to be part of it. I myself have someone who is a dear friend, who I also care about, who I also have sex with sometimes, by all accounts people would call them my girlfriend, but we just dont' use those lables. I know how heavy and restricting those sorts of lables can be on someone.

Don't worry too much bud

Thank you for the replies.

>>2 I particularly agree with the "don't lead them on" part. Not in a sex context, but I kind of lead a girl on into thinking we are about to be a couple, but in fact I just wanted friendship. I still have issues with dividing friendship and relationship I guess. This is because I feel it is fine to flirt and even sext, with just a friend, but she thinks otherwise. Other than that, I guess I really should question the first time thing..

>>3 Yea.. I should not hurt anyone against their will regardless of what I want. And I do hate the feeling of just using someone for sex. Not really sure why I have this contradiction but I need to make sure whatever it is, I do not hurt anyone. I wish had a friend like yours too.