as you maybe seen me recently here, you know this gonna be like THE ENTRIE POSTS OF HERE, but yet i need to ask you, i dont care if your solutions are genericals, i just need more answers

the thing is like im an autistic dude, ye seems self-ofensuve joke but i never deny that lol, its hard to me beign fiendly to people as to making friends, because sometimes i mess up beign talk without stop when no one asks lol, its a shame for me heh really, the thing is i feel dead inside, i want to KMS but my family stops me, the thing is im tired of watch people die, you know what i mean,the more dies i feel more "dead inside/ afraid to be next" you know is funny because i want to kms lol, but it afraids me to the level of " why i am living wasting my life away when i could be the next"

also, im always alone i get used of it, but sometimes anexty kicks in and everything becomes a pain, what i can do if nothing makes me happy anymore, i tried doing more hobbies and walk out and make new friends, but nothing works up, and then you seen me here helping people, im always thinking that if i cant get off of my emptyness and shit , at least i can help others, like ones here

i feel used, the friend whoseveryone can counts but nobody helps... i hope you give you an idea...

you know how i am, but someones seen me here so i dont wanna they read my shit haha, they could laugh at me as always

I can't quite tell but are you diagnosed as autistic? If you are, there is nothing wrong with that. But if not, then saying such gives power to that feeling of 'dead inside'

The narrative in our minds play a large part in our feelings. Thoughts effect feels and therefore effect behavior. That is why people always recommend new behaviors; to create new thoughts, and therefore new feelings.

If you can learn to love and enjoy yourself, Create a new narrative of affirmations of self-love(whether you believe it now or later) and improve yourself as if you are a character in your own RPG, then your time is worth spending, you deserve to be here like the rest of us, but but no one carves your path but you. We often develop an adopted narrative thats inherently negative and self loathing but that can be changed- you can train your mind to think differently and therefore feel and act differently.

No matter the path you take all paths will have their obstacles, even a slow and steady path has its difficulties. But you can take any path.

Friendship is not necessary. And being alone today doesn't mean you'll be alone years from now, so consider your solitary environment an opportunity to tune yourself into your truest self, and of course, tune into nature, the universe, the heart. You have to find a way to breathe life into yourself - despite the state of the world.

Ive made and lost many friends throughout my life, mostly because of my own flaws - and there's so much i struggle with forgiving myself for, but I still wake up everyday. Im still breathing even though I often pray for my own life to ve over. Im still here. And many people have died, and more were born.

But death isnt an end. Its a transition, like anything else. Birth and death are concepts to define the nature of our experience. Remember there is an eternal nature to our composition. Our atomical structure. We are always surrounded by what we believe is different, when its all the same, always changing. Don't get could up in definition and identity. Find something that ignites you, that captivated you, that you feel is fun, and forget about the concept of time and what it means to waste it. Conceptual reality is malleable, make it yours or it makes you.

But do not let go of your compassion. Its ok to think about and feel the pain of loss and grieve for those you have never met, because they are you, and in some other distant dimension they were you, and in another they loved you, and we can begin to assume our hearts are capable of feeling such things, that our spirit is not limited to this flesh vessel, but interconnected across all dimensions, all galaxies, all people, all life and all death.

Anxiety can be combated with attention to the future, which means your present has to be filled with progress. Progress which has been made by you already in your heart and just needs its time in your mind to actualize itself in your physical reality.

The moments now passing and passing are going to build your future- if you spend them learning about yourself and understanding human nature, you can make decisions towards a healthier life.

Sometimes it starts with removing sugar or oil from your diet. Some foods might disagree with your body and thinks like too much sugar or salt nullify our ability to taste and feel what foods dont agree with us, amongst other bad affects. Sugar is like poison for the brain, too much and anxiety can be constant.

Sometimes it starts with mental stimulation like reading a book in a genre you've never read before (try Neville Goddard, Alan Watts, Richard Bach, Khalil Gibran, Hermann Hesse).

Sometimes just a B-vitamin complex or an iron supplement will help.

Your body is unique and needs its own special treatment and you have to discover what works for you, because what works for the general population might not be your answer.

The emotions are, however, part of the human experience, and we simply learn from them and learn to live with them. Either grow from them or let it destroy you. Either way we suffer.

Most of all you have to decide to dedicate a bit of time everyday to this purpose. As long as the day is given to you, you might as well suffer for the right reasons. Youll face death when it comes, thinking about it wont change anything except keep you frozen in time while the world keeps spinning. Live for yourself and your tribe will find you.

Hope this finds you in good time.

yeah im diagnosed with that, why i could lie about that hmmm

well about beign alone is a roallercoaster, i have friends but i lose them kinda fast, im not the kind of person whos is llamative, likeable, i told ya for some reason i have a vibe that nobody likes much

I didn't think you lied, just wanted to be clear.

Its a strange world these days, not many people know how to communicate. Many people are selfish and intolerant, but not everyone. Lots of people care and have good hearts, and some of them will be your friends,

Give it time. Like I said, ive gained and lost many friends, and its noble of you to consider yourself to be solely at fault but that's just not true. Its a false narrative we tell ourselves to have an answer for what we cant explain. Sometimes its clear why we lose friends and sometimes it not, but hey if they think your annoying and don't want to give you the time of day when you just want to talk- screw them. If they're too selfish to listen and be a friend to you, they're not worth your time.

Whatever you're vibe is, you dont decide who will and wont vibe with you, don't think everyone from now on will never get along with you cause that's not true and it sets a bad foundation for the potential friend; as if they have to prove themselves, which is a one-way street. You're not so unique that no human could ever love you.

Friendship is a 2 way street. Having a friend and being a friend are 2 different things. We all have needs and boundaries that aren't always made clear to each other. Sometimes we cross boundaries without knowing it and things go bad.

Consider improving what it means to be a friend and perhaps you will find something more lasting soon enough.

im still thinking in your reply, seems very phylosofycal to me,basically you are saying: "chill bro, is a matter of your mind" like, re-think the things but still kinda i cant understand it at all hahaha

It's totally your decision, but maybe try seeking professional help like a therapist or something. It might be worth a try, and if it doesn't work then you aren't really losing anything. Hopefully things get better man, I'm rooting for you

seeking professional help isnt the problem, the problem is that askin for that help is expensive and i cant affort that actually for covid-19

thats why i am asking, i have a lot of years, im wasting my fucking life