This week has been so tiring mentally and physically. Recently I've been feeling more and more lonely as the days go by and I'm too scared to reach out to someone because Im scared they might think I'm sensitive or something. Recently I've talked about my friend in another thread on the Personal board about how he might be depressed and I'm worried for him. Well I've just been thinking but what if he doesn't care about me as much as I do. We were texting and i realize he doesn't rlly text me stuff about me but usually talks about the stuff he likes or does. I might be overreacting but I never really notice him asking about my day or anything like that, most of the time hes asking to play a game with me or talking about his favorite anime or just random topics he brings up. Idk i guess i feel as if he could have those conversations with anyone else and be perfectly fine without me. Im lame, Im not as funny as other people. The thing is, many of my friends are male and I often feel intimidated by it since I'm the only female in the group. And I'm always disappointed In myself how Im not as naturally funny as them or good at socializing. Its like im just there, it feels so fucking lonely. Like I cant talk to anyone anymore, I used to be fine back in middle school but as i got into highschool my anxiety levels have been rising ever since. I dont have many female friends but the ones I do i trust them. One of them is my bestfriend but I dont want to bore her with my rants. The other day I cried so much over not having any food in the fridge which is a stupid reason i know, I felt so hungry but i wanted nothing. The poriage I microwaved tasted so horrible and I wanted to just break down while eating. I ended up not eating it but my mom caught me crying and decided to make me eggrolls. Before that she was like "why are u crying over nothing? its not like u got hit lmao" I know she was joking but i guess i took it personally. Im very insecure about my body and that made me cry because if i didn't eat i cant grow and have the body i want. Im underweight and I don't know how to gain weight without working out. I eat when Im hungry and stop when Im full but im at the exact weight as last year. (75lb). Im just so tired of being weak and afraid all the time and I know writing this wont solve anything but I have no one else to go to for advice. Im so sad and lonely even tho I know there are people who love me and support me. I just don't know why im so scared all the time to talk to people. Im just always constantly trying to please others all the time I forget about myself in the process. What should I do to move forward? Sorry if this is long I ranted too much.

The other thing is that, sometimes I feel like Im just peoples friends to give them stuff like homework and help with school and stuff. Even tho i offer it to them i just feel like I'm being used which is stupid and I cant blame anyone but myself for letting people step all over me. I guess Im just a people pleaser, I want their validation. I want to be appreciated for something! Why am I doing all this?! I know some of my friends actually care about me and would like to know whats going on in my life yet I always brush it off and tell myself no they hate you ur nothing to them. why is my brain telling me negative stuff all the time? I just want to be remembered for something good and have a positive outlook on others. I know Im not funny and i know Im bad at socializing, but I guess I cant blame myself for it since I never intended to not have those on purpose. I don't know what I'm saying anymore I just want to go back to the times where I felt good and loved by the people around me. I want to be able to socialize again. I want to be funny again. I want to please others. But I know it wont happen again, I don't usually like giving up but I'm at a point where i might just do that.

may i can ask how old are you? i hope this doesnt make upset you, is only for give you an advice

I am 15 years old in 10th grade

oh i missclicked

its normal ecperiment that to that age, you need to focus on yourself , try to beign happy and clean problems at a normal pace try to make new things that make up a better confidence

Hey, I’d like to say that it’s okay to be sad and stuff, it’s not a matter of being sensitive, everyone feels like that sometimes. And about the crying over food, you didn’t just cry because of that, it’s just that you built up so much stress and that was, like, the last straw for you, you needed comfort and there wasn’t any, so you cried. Now, about the loneliness, it’s tough, it took a long time for me to be chill by myself, and you kinda need to learn to be chill with yourself nowadays. Have you tried talking to you parents about how you’ve been feeling? Mine helped me a lot when I was your age and dealing with this stuff, a therapist would do you wonders too.