I've been a very positive individual for the past decade of my life. I always looked on the bright side and was content waiting to see what the future would hold. In addition to that there was a particular event that I had been waiting about a decade for and in the past 4 years it had been taken from me time and time again. I don't want to go into details... But I kept telling myself that things would improve. I realize now how wrong I was. Life keeps laughing in my face and I'm turning into something that I've never truly felt before. I'd had family members die but there was comfort in knowing that they were in a better place. This event happening though, rather its lack thereof, was the last straw. I've lost my sanity it feels like. I've thought nothing but negative thoughts for the past few days to the point that it has started effecting my daily routine. My friends and family wouldn't help, my friends betrayed my and my family wouldn't understand. I don't even really know what I want to get out of posting this. Somebody help me. I'm hurting more than I have in my entire life. I just need advice, please. (I wouldn't resort to anything drastic as things are but I'm beginning to fear things getting much worse). I want to return to the way I was.

It's actually pretty normal to feel like you're going insane when dealing with bad depression, which it sounds like you probably have. I know it's very scary. I've gone through it many times, and each time it feels like there's no way out, but there is. I've been able to manage by reminding myself that I've felt that way before and got through it, I can do it again. Also therapy can help a lot. I know it's not for all people, but it's always worth a try. One thing I will say about therapy is that sometimes you can get a therapist that isn't very good, but it's 100% to acknowledge that and just look for a new one!
And please remember, any reason to live is a good reason. Wanting to see the new season of an anime, wanting to finish reading that book, anything! Sometimes it's easier to come up with little reasons to stay everyday.
I hope this helps you feel a little better.

Thanks, life still sucks but I'd never off myself. I'll find a way to get through it but life is very hard at the moment. Thank you for your support. Someday I'll come back to this post and respond to it with my real username. I'll give myself advice on how I worked it out.
Thank you though, i needed to hear someone. I really needed this.