So for a few months now I think my friend is dealing with depression and self esteem issues. He knows that I know something is wrong with him but he just usually changed the topic or ignores me. I really want to help him but I think he's reluctant/stubborn to get help. Him and his gf broke up months ago and he's really depressed about that because I believe that most of his confidence was from her and that when they broke up he felt like he lost everything. I know what he's going through but Im not sure how to make him listen or how to help him. I don't wanna solve his problem but I want to let him know Im here to support him. I made it clear that if he's ever down he can talk to me but he usually replies his lol ok or something dumb. I've been thinking about him a lot lately and I just really want to see him smile geniuenly. It makes me happy if he's happy. Anyone got any suggestions? Im open to any i just really want to help my friend.

Dollars website was being weird so thats why there's two posts my bad

>>1 Hey, I think that maybe the best way to help him is to spend time with him, go out with him and talk to him frequently because he clearly doesn't want to talk about it, probably to not worry you, so I think that the best thing is to not force him to be honest(maybe he'll end up saying something) but to let him relax and with time to finally... genuinely smile. He needs to deal with his demons but keep talking to him, let him know unconsciously that you're there for him.

I dont think he doesnt talk about his feelings because he's afraid of changing but I'm not 100% sure. Sometimes he randomly texts me stuff like "I wanna die" or "I don't feel happy anymore" but as soon as I give my advice he quickly changes the topic and mentions another unrelated thing. I don't really know whats up with him anymore. But I know I cant do anything about it because its not about me and he needs to deal with it himself, but he knows Im here to support. And I cant really go outside with him because of covid, plus when we text its not uncomfortable except with calling over the phone, Idk its just weird between us. But I wanna keep updating here as much as I can.

Ok that's already good that he knows that you support him, and don't worry it's normal that it's weird between you two now. About those messages just keep talking to him and make sure that he doesn't get too depressed. But yh if something changes then tell us.

So something happened yesterday that kinda surprised me a bit, he told me something he had never said ever. He said something like he's had his feelings hurt so bad and he's unable to do anything because he doesn't know how and cant get help because all the people he trusted talking about his feelings are gone. From what I can get from that I think he doesn't trust me, I don't blame him tho It must be really hard to cope when you've been hurt so much and no ones by your side to support you. I cant force him to trust me because that would just be rude and selfish of me. Im still new to life and so Im not sure what I should do to be honest. Im still young and figuring out my own life but I really want to be there for him. Im sure he has his reasons for not telling me personal stuff I totally understand. I just wish he'd open up to me more so I can comfort him. But maybe Im not the best person to talk about this stuff to because I always try to go above and beyond, I don't think about myself in the process which is bad. Any ideas?

Currently im watching an anime he deeply enjoys called Darling in the Franxx. He told me its his favorite anime and it held a soft spot in his heart. The reason Im watching it is because I want to understand him more, if I cant be upfront with him ill try to understand him through the show. The show covers topics that i believe my friend has felt 'moved' by. I don't wanna spoil anything but there was a scene where the protagonist hugs the female protagonist and says something like "You've been so hurt by this world yet you are still moving forward, alone." I don't remember the exact quote but something around those lines. And it just reminded me of how lonely he must be feeling, nobody to trust and is an outcast. I really hope he can overcome that feeling, it must be very hard on him over the past few months.

sigh... someone whos lost a GF hmmm...?

seems kinda easy to be honest, the most generical answer is cheering up him and motivave him to aim foward (broken english)

but reading the entrie thread
maybe he clinged too much to his previous relation that maked he very sad, it happens the entrie time, because one devotes his happiness to the couple but i dont know the full context

i can give you an advice but it could be weird:
first for yourself: think why they broke up, this makes no sense but if you really wanna help at least figure what happened, you can ask but is not a good idea because maybe he can get upset

if you saw that they were a good couple, maybe he could need a big push to eb happy, the hurt feeling maybe take much time to heal because nobody can recover easly, im thinking that his previous relation was longer thats why im suggesting this, and the most supper effective solution is cherring up, and pass the time with him, he really needs that

but if is the stubborn type and he doesnt wanna understand, maybe you can be more aggresive towards him and knock the wrong ideas in his head, you know when you are depressed you usually think bad things so another solution is confront him and tell him direcly if he wanna get better or not, because if he closes in that "fallen relationship" he could get worse, so doing that, maybe can resolve the thing or complicate it, but to be honest is the better because you break that illlusion of he BUT THIS SOLUTION ONLY APPLIES WHEN YOU AND HIM WERE FRIENDS BY A LONGER TIME
DOING THIS IN A EARLY FRIENDSHIP IT COULD BE DANGEROUS

sigh i font know if im explained well but i hope that this hella solution helps sorry hhaha

>>6 Ok. So, I actually think that if he said that to you, it means that he trusts you, he wouldn't say that if he hadn't enough confidence in talking to you. You're right, it's better to not force him but if you keep supporting him, I believe that when he'll be totally lost, he'll remember how you tried to comfort him and may end up confessing all his feelings.
>>7 I'm not sure if it's related since I don't think that he watched it now but it's always a good thing to try to understand him better
>>8 I agree with S.O.R.A, especially the last paragraph but be careful about how close you are

Don't try to relate to him. Everyone's problems are different. He could have more going on and while I don't personally think it is good to bottle up that amount of baggage I understand your friend. I'm the same way where I don't like to talk about it if I can help it. He might come off as ingenuine but realize that he's doing it for you. He doesn't want to have others worry about him after a break up, he just wants thing back to normal. Treat him normally and he'll get over it, these things take time. I speak from experience, sadly there isn't much you can do beyond that.

Update: For a few days now he's stopped telling me his suicidal/depression thoughts which could be a good sign that he's recovering a bit but Im wonder if there's a possibility that hes bottling his thoughts inside. I would want to ask him but its clear he doesn't wish to speak to me about it. Also for a few days now hes been texting me more than usual, even when hes in a voice chat with his other friends he still has time to text me which is surprising really because I had a small thought that he didn't care about me as much as I did but Im glad hes talking to me more. It seems to me that he just wants company which is understandable. I want to keep updating here so I can see how much he has changed over the course of this month and next month. Lets hope hes doing better :)

>>10 Thank you for the advice. I sometimes have to remind myself that people want to be treated normally and not treated like a patient or someone that is in need, I totally get it. I learned my mistake when I had another friend who was also dealing with depression years ago. And yes, I know I cant do much but I would like to do whatever I can to help.