So Ive never dated anyone and everytime ive come close they flake. They would be totally into me, but when I would return those feelings, they distance themselves and eventually want to stay friends. With the first girl, I messed up a little because I would avoid talking to her because every time I saw her, I got really nervous because I am good at embarrassing myself. She eventually acted extremely uninterested and even went out of her way to make me feel like shit. I stopped talking to her for a long time and I heard a roomer that she had sex with my best friend that I haven't spoken to in over a year. The girl and I are cool now. We talk occasionally and she messages me whenever shes concerned about stuff like me getting sick and tests that come up. I still have feelings for her, but she can do much better than me. Im damaged goods.
Anyways this second girl I matched with on Tinder and we had talked for 6 months online because of the virus. She acted more interested in me than I was to her because I had trust issues after that last girl. I stopped being stubborn and began to show more interest and we even planned to go out on a date, but a couple days later she cancelled because she was out of town. Then she flaked the second time and just told me she wasnt interested anymore. I still talk to her because shes cool, but yeah at this point i dont see how I can trust people like ever. Even when I tell my friends or family about my emotions (very rare because I'm usually an upbeat person) they just get quiet or say something so simple and typical like "Its okay you'll get through it" or "Just keep pushing through." I just dont have a lot of hope anymore and on top of that there are things ive never told anyone like the fact that I have severe ADHD and I also have a weird phobia where jewely grosses me out. I never understood it and ive never told a single person about those two things because I already get judged enough of my uncontrollable forgetfulness and impulsive behavior. Im just kinda losing my mind because nobody has ever tried to understand me. Ive accepted the way I am, but all I do is seem to drive people away before they even get to truly know me.

I just wanted to let you know that I definitely feel for you. I've been in similar situations in the past. That last sentence really hits as well because I've felt this for a long time as well. But eventually you meet people that click with your true self. Just keep on trying to meet new people(even though it's really hard with COVID). Also don't expect things to go well, tell yourself this girl will probably flake or not like me back or whatever. And be aware of that, don't let your hopes get too high but still keep trying nonetheless. And for trust let's say you schedule a meeting and you're scared they might bail. Well just tell yourself they'll probably bail and if they do you're not surprised and if they don't it's a pleasant surprise.