My social anxiety gets worse and worse everyday ever since this whole pandemic started. I lost my ability to socialize in real life and I started thinking that everyone will judge me or something bad happens if ever I went outside my room.. I stopped going out.. even to eat..

I tried to kill myself the other day... Yesterday and even today but why do keep hesitating?

hey, I know what you're talking about. since I'm quarantined and have actually nothing to do but just lay in bed and think about how bad everything is, I've noticed I'm getting back to my old habits...like cutting and crying constantly. I've gotten better like a little less than a year ago but now it's all coming back again. so I get what you're saying it's hard, I've also experienced losing an appetite.

but I just want to tell you, yes everything is hard and life is short when you're feeling like shit. and it's hard to tell you otherwise. but I just really want you to stay here and stay strong. I don't want to experience people killing themselves, I know it feels like the only solution and I don't wanna lie, like honestly sometimes it is. idk your whole story, but please talk about it and don't hide.

it's not an easy thing to just end one's life in a matter of seconds when you've been building it up for years. like ther is still something. something waiting at the end of the road for your something that's worth fighting for. imagine, just imagine what your life could look like if you kept on fighting and actually got better. you don't wanna miss on that, do you? there's so much potential in everyone's life and you don't even know how much of an impact your life makes on the world.

so I just wanna say, stay here, maybe just a little longer. just a little and you might see what value there is in everything you see, do, feel, just in everything.

I just really didn't want to leave your post empty like that and wanted to talk to you. if there's still something you wanna get off your chest, I'm free to talk to you and maybe I can help. just wanted to say that. and even tho I don't know you it still seems very important to me that you get better and I want to show you that others care about you. :)

I used to be an outgoing and strong person with a very strong personality. I love independence and freedom.

I live with my friend's right now because it's closer to my work. I used to be on good terms with her family.

After this whole pandemic, my job as an airline customer representative stopped since there'd be no travels and that where I started crumbling down. It feels suffocating now that I'm unable to work and live for myself but to be dependent on my friend's family even for the smallest necessity. I feel so fcking useless.

They started to notice the huge change and my behavior and that's where this social anxiety I never had before developed.

Imagine someone outgoing you know with a bright and strong personality suddenly shut people out? Yeah I think that's how they felt.

People have now misunderstood me by thinking this is the real me and that the previous me was just a bluff. Would you imagine someone strong, suddenly have a social anxiety?

I just wanna end this feeling and their suffering from a burden like me... But I kept hesitating.. i just wanna end it all.

oh ok, I get what you're saying. changes like these aren't easy, but I think you don't need someone to tell you that. it's a difficult situation.

but changes can also always mean a new beginning. so like, let's say this pandemic will be over in a couple of months. you can get back to your job or maybe find something else, whatever it is. distance yourself from people that don't understand you and still think you were being fake. you'll find new caring and loving people around you.

work and earn money so you can pay back your friends and their family.its totally fine to be dependent on people at some point in your life. everyone needs help here and there. but it comes to how you handle all that and make sure to thank them and pay them back in the future. I think that's what it's all about. you know people borrow money and get into debt but it all comes down to whether they pay it back in the end or not. that's all that matters.

even if you feel like a burden rn and like you can't do anything, idk, but you can still make the best of everything. like, isn't it fun living with your friends? you can do small things like washing the dishes and cleaning and stuff. also, if they're your friends, they surely don't think of you as a burden. I mean i'd always welcome any of my friends and actually be so happy that we can spend even more time together.

I know you don't feel good about all that and idk how and what to say as to not make you feel even worse but you can always call a doctor or make an appointment and talk to them. I'm sure you also already know that but just to remind you.
keep trying and trying to get better and look forward into the future and it will get better.

oh yeah, and also, you talk about their suffering, and that you wanna end their suffering. but aren't you the one suffering? so, shouldn't you first take care of yourself and make sure you're feeling good again? and idk if that is the solution in this case