2 Name: Anonymous : 2020-02-23 10:47 ID:kgDMoBY+ [Del]
Yes, and the fear of being known / intimacy / losing something good.
There are some social psychology concepts that I think are relevant too. People go through with self-sabotaging behavior for many reasons, like wanting to have an excuse should we fail at something ("I wasn't taking it seriously anyway"), or not wanting a good thing to be taken from us so we stop ourselves from having it in the first place.
There are other things at play, like how you view ourselves and the experiences we've had in the past. If we view ourselves in a negative way and/or are used to getting poor treatment, then we might unconsciously seek out people who will match that. I think this has to do with self-verfication theory - we want to surround ourselves with people who confirm the view that we have of ourselves (whether it's positive or negative) so that we can feel a sense of conherene within ourselves. Otherwise, in the case of a having a negative self-image while people still treat us positively, we'd start having imposter syndrome (that feeling of "I don't belong here" or "I've somehow fooled everyone into thinking I deserve this").
If we're not used to being loved genuinely then it also becomes harder to let yourself be loved by someone. If I'm not wrong, then when we love & are loved by someone, our brain changes. (There's even a chemical called oxytocin that is released when we partake in nurturing/bonding activities, like hugging or sex or when a mother holds her baby for the first time.) If we aren't used to being loved then those brain pathways aren't used very often, and I imagine it's harder to feel comfortable when we're being treated a new way. I'm not super clear on this part, but that's the loose understanding of it that I have.
There's also the behavioral psychology aspect of this, which focuses more on past experiences than brain pathways and stuff. If in the past, we've only received conditional/selfish love, or abusive love, etc., then we'll keep expecting that even if we're one day shown genuine love. Sometimes we've been conditioned to wait for the other shoe to drop. It's not a comfortable or even healthy way to live, but it's normal.
Regardless, the only way to stop self-sabotaging is to become aware of it and change your mindset. Much easier said than done, of course. It takes guts, a lot of practice, and maybe even therapy.
But yeah, I do think genuine love exists.
- An optimistic psych major.
