Look, I want to clarify that this isn’t some whim. I’m 24, and this is the result of a gradual change over time. I don’t have an interesting story here, I’m not the victim of anything or made any significant mistakes. It’s all self-inflicted, and I’m pretty much a nothing person. I’m honestly at my limits, and can’t bring myself to move. The simple of it, is that I’m an unnatural existence. It feels like there’s no way for me to exist in the world naturally, genuinely, honestly. I’m uninvested in everything, disinterested. I’m not a hateful or negative person, but I can’t say that I’ve found someone that I’ve ever honestly taken interest in and want to spend more time with. It always end up fake and forced for me, and I can’t say that I've had any reason to think any new ones are likely to be any different. I’ve never had any interests as far as careers go, either.

I’ve been pushed away into hiding, really. I don’t want to be out there in the real world, where people can see and interact with me. I have no way to describe what I am or why I’m there, or how I got here. I don’t have even have the most basic things like a normal character design, as I’ve never known what to do about my physical appearance either. I often get weird looks and people not wanting to interact with me. I’m too out of place, really. I'm someone that it's better for the world if they didn't know I existed. (I don’t mean that I’m ugly btw, my physical body is fine as a base)

I really don’t know what to do. At this rate, I’m likely to quit my job without a plan. I’ll live off of money saved for maybe a year tops, or until that runs out, then just starve to death in my room, my body not to be found for months. I’ll hide away and never leave the house except to get food/essentials. I don’t want to interact with other people. I just want to be alone and fade away, letting my loneliness and emptiness engulf me...
But I guess, the question I have, is where could an unnatural existence exist the most naturally? I have no one to turn to, or any real motivation or life skills or investment in anything, really. But I’m fucking forced to exist like all the rest of you, so what should I even be doing? Where? I honestly just want a small, part-time job I can work a few days a week with minimal human interaction, so I can be away from the world...

As a random fact, I've honestly tried writing a thread for this dozens of times, maybe even hundreds, over the last couple of years or so. It just never feels right. I can never do it. I can't even fucking explain what I am or what I want. It's so complicated and stupid, and I just don't have the motivation or mental strength or whatever to do it. I'm sending this so that at least something gets out there though, even if it's just people judging me and thinking I'm just a whiny brat that's just lazy or something.

You know man ive had days such as this. I've broken up with the love of my life before and was idle for a whole year with nothing to my name but a few dollars and buming off of my friends. Dude we are the same age, everyone have these types of moments in there life. The best thing to do is to keep going try and find a woman that is worth something and thats willing to start anew with you don't give up. Don't worry about what others are doing or not doing focus on yourself and what makes you happy. Push push push come out of that hole and dont stop. Let's try this keep your dollers coming in and focus on a significant other. Talk to females if they say no let that be that don't bother about go on to the next you will find someone trust me. I dont know your religous views but find one and focus on it go to church thats a good place to start on bettering yourself. Keep trying and dont give up! We need you!