I was diagnosed with depression and social anxiety in seventh grade. Ever since then I've felt stuck. I was a straight A student but since then my grades have spiraled down. I feel so unmotivated and have trouble completing anything. When my family moved after I finished high school, I thought it was a chance to start over. Two and a half years later, I have a grand total of one friend who doesn't even live anywhere near here. I met her back in high school and keep in contact via text. My grades are starting to slip again and my first and only boyfriend was a guy I didn't know well and wasn't even attracted to. The longer we dated, the more uncomfortable I was with his increasingly bold wandering hands. Now I just ignore his calls and hope I don't run into him. I'm 21 and still don't have a driver's license due to my lack of motivation. The very thought of applying for a job sends me into a sobbing panic attack. I'm terrified of my parents dying and leaving me with no one. Every time my mom mentions her now greying hair I want to cry. My parents are the only ones keeping me going.
Most of the time I'm immersed in a long, ongoing daydream. Nothing else truly exists for me.
Sometimes, I don't even feel real.

I've had lots of problems with motivation myself in the past but I think you just have to find something that you enjoy doing and then make goals around that. Even when I found something I was interested in though I still felt like I lacked motivation and would rarely pursue the goals I had set. I've often heard that motivation can come after you start doing something and is not necessarily a prerequisite and from my own experience that seems to hold true.

As for your boyfriend, you should probably break up with him properly. I'm sure it would give you some peace of mind.

There is a condition called maladaptive daydreaming which may apply to you (Here's an article on it: https://digest.bps.org.uk/2018/06/25/people-with-maladaptive-daydreaming-spend-an-average-of-four-hours-a-day-lost-in-their-imagination/).

>>1 You sound exactly like me! I'm one or two years younger but I've been having the exact same issues as you. Just stuck in limbo with no real passions and scared of finding a job because of a lack of motivation/depression and anxiety.

Personally I also have anxiety and I used to have a lot of panic attacks at a very stressful period of my life, like 2-3 per week. Then my situation got better, and I dreaded just the thought of having to start working, I almost went into a panic attack just by giving out my CV, but then one place accepted to take me since it was my first job and they wanted to give me a chance, that was 6 months ago, and it actually really isn't that bad to work, of course you have to like what you are doing, but all jobs have at least one flaw, there is no perfect job, so you shouldn't be too picky. Getting a job and moving into a big city have really helped me be more social and open. Anyway I think you should at least try something if you have nothing to lose.

Good luck whatever you do!

Thanks for reaching out, fellow Dollar. While I have never struggled with clinical anxiety, I have been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, so I can imagine a little bit what this must feel like, and I'm very sorry.

This might be obvious stuff, but it's said a lot because it's vital, so I wanted to make sure it's on your radar. First off, are you currently seeing a good counselor? That really is almost always essential to making progress; I know it was for me. It is wonderful that you have a close relationship with your parents, but to process things like your fear of losing them you need to have someone else to talk to, preferably a caring professional. Secondly, are you on medication? I'm sure you probably need to find emotional healing through therapy, but it sounds like you're partly fighting your biology on this. I freaking love my meds. They are not always this effective for everyone, but for me getting on the right med has utterly revolutionized my life. Without the constant sense of sadness and the frequent bouts of uncontrollable grief everything in life is ten times easier! Again, that kind of result is somewhat exceptional, but if you haven't yet gotten to meet with a good psychiatrist to try what medication can do, I urge you to do so.

Finally, and I'm not gonna harp on this or anything, but for myself my Christian faith has been essential to sustaining me through depression. Without a sense of love from not only my family and friends but also God I may not have made it.

At any rate, you are not alone. This world is full of pain, but it is also full of beauty. And you are part of that beauty. So don't give up, for all our sake's.