My Friend just got back from a vacation to California. Another Friend and me went to her house the day she got back and ya know celebrated her return. I got her a present. For her birthday. She got us stuff. Another friend, the one I have been hanging out with recently, left today for a vacation. The sad thing for me is, I was supposed to go to Florida to visits my dad. But he couldn't afford it. She hasn't texted sense this morning. The one that just got back. I asked her if I could go to her house. Because I'm bored af. But she said no because she needs a day alone. I don't know if you see why this kissed me off but I'll say it. She just got back from a 3 and a 1/2 week long vacation away from us. She needs another day, to what, sit around 'unpack' and like watch Rick and morty. My other friend is home alone and sleeping. And I'm just alone with the family that treats me like constant garbage. And ya maybe I shouldn't have gone back to my friends the other day and cried after I had an outburst at my mom. Because she called me an asshole. Or lashed out at my step dad because he said it was impolite to not look at my mom while she's talking, or in other words, tearing apart every part of me I've learned to love. Maybe I should just smile and nod. Listen to all the crap about how it's not cute to be an ass. Or how whenever we're alone they all of a sudden care about me because I bring up my gender identity. And some people commit suicide over it. That I May commit suicide over my gender, but not the fact that I'm an ugly asshole. And my mom wonders why I sit in my room, painting and singing the crap out of Hamilton. They wonder why I don't open the door. They wonder. Why I cry myself to sleep. They wonder why I don't go outside. They wonder why I don't drop my friends because one mistreated another. They wonder why I over react every time I hear John Laurens singing at his death. They wonder why I care.

I hope the feel better soon

Okay, so you're home life sucks and I'm sorry for that. My family treats me like shit because of my gender identity too but I think you're anger is misplaced with your friend. Like traveling takes a lot out of people sometimes and if she need another day to recuperate then she is not obliged to have you over just because you're "bored",, and you shouldn't be pissed at her. I just think you're made that if you can't be with your friends you HAVE to be with your family and you don't when I'm tired of my family I go for a walk or to the library even the park a few blocks from my house. You like painting, go to a park and have like a picnic day with yourself and paint outside and blast hamilton like just chill and find another way.