My life past few weeks have been a wreck. Would like some advice because at the end I don't know what to do and I might just explode with all these bottled up emotions. I'll start from the beginning.
I've had a boyfriend for three years now and we live together started our lives. We've been a bit rocky starting a few months after we started dating, but always tried to make amends. Well the past year has been up and down to say the least. Lots of arguing, him just sleeping at another room without saying a word or going to his friends house like 2-3 times a week every week.
Just grown kind of tired of it you know? No matter what I said it was just wrong and started to keep my mouth shut.
I reconnected with a childhood friend that we used to be really close. Like tight. We talked like we haven't seen each other like two days which was funny. Always talked, introduced him to my boyfriend and everything. One point thanks to another friend I realized I was developing feelings for him which I wanted to stop right away. I'm one who is always brutally honest no matter what and told my boyfriend, things went down hill to be expected, but I still chose him. Don't talk to my friend as much, don't know why I even developed feelings to be honest. I'm clueless. But I picked my boyfriend. Part for responsibility, feelings, and the memories. Yet everyday is a fight. Even when I tell him I choose him one thing is I started to feel uncomfortable around him. Like I said I told him all that I feel and I need time. I hate myself for even having feelings for someone else. I hate that I hurt him. There are times I can handle his touch, but then I can't touch him because I get all jittery with emotions and I don't know why I feel this way. One thing he does though is bottle things up and then blow it on me. If he doesn't talk to me I have no idea what is on his head. He keeps mentioning breaking up. Almost everyday, even when I tell him that if I wanted to break up with him I would of already and thats the truth, I know how much it hurts to be led on I don't want someone else to go through it. I told him I wanted to work on us, but every day he says I'm not trying or I won't undress infront of him and stuff. I don't even know what to think. What part of "I'm not comfortable" does he not get? So makes me feel like he wants to be done with this relationship. I didn't cheat on him. Sure I had feelings, but I still picked him and I told him plain as day, but he expects things to be like before yet different the same day. He started doing things he never did before. Texting me beautiful while I'm at work. Giving me more attention than he has when we first met and it's a little weird. He still goes to his friends, though, which I don't even mind anymore. It's like sure get out of the house I'm used to it already. Which is bad. I don't mind here and there, but when barely spend time with me personally it used to bother me. Now I don't know what to do and starting to feel numb.

i feel like you should tell him all the things you wrote here in one sitting, bc it might make him talk for once i guess?
if he gets your situation and vice versa at least it would be easier to think of smth together, even though i think it would be better for you both to break up and start clear?