Lately I've just been struggling. I have an issue with bottling up my emotions, because in my family that shows "weakness", which I disagree with but can't help but do. I just want to be able to talk to people about how I feel but I can't bring myself to do it. I get having like a close friend to vent to but that's really hard for me because I tend to push people away because I feel like if they got to know me too well then they'd either get bored of me or realize how obnoxious I am. I also hate that I feel this way and can't stop invalidating my emotions because my life is better than so many other people's. Okay I'm done babbling, sorry for wasting a minute or two of your life

Your post really sounds like I'm reading something I wrote myself a long time ago. I used to be the same way– still am, just to a lesser extent.

You're right, it's very hard to "train" yourself out of these attitudes, particularly the one about how showing emotions apparently is weakness. You have to chip away at it little by little. If you can't do it out loud, do it through text or writing. Sometimes I would speak my feelings into an empty room just to try getting used to saying personal things out loud. I think it helped somewhat. I still can't physically stop myself from crying when I'm talking about something important to me, but at least the words are coming out in front of someone else (albeit with a lot of "like"s and "um"s and long pauses in between). It's just a matter of being with the right person who will be a patient and active listener. You'll find a person like that someday, trust me.

And that leads to your second problem, pushing people away. I don't really know what resolution there is to this, other than to take the bull by the horns. I'm sure you know all to well that being stuck in your own head gets incredibly lonely after a long enough time spent there. Just based off my experience, I've determined that we won't gain anything if we keep cowering away from people. When it comes down to it, it's a matter of being brave.

It doesn't matter if you live a more comfortable life than other people. If you're upset, you're upset. Suffering isn't a competition, no matter how much people try to make it into one. There's always going to be someone out there who has it even worse, so there's no point in anyone using that excuse for themselves.

Also, it definitely wasn't a waste of time for you to type this out. You don't have to apologize for letting something out. That was probably the first thing I had to learn when I decided I wanted to be less emotionally constipated, lol. You don't need to apologize for your own emotions, because they aren't under your control. How you act on those emotions that might be a different story, but you don't have to be sorry for being human.

Hope that I might've been able to help here. Stay strong xx