Being transgender... is awful and I hate that I am. But luckily I've met other trans people and have gotten to a point where I've been able to accept myself for who I am. Yet, there's still a bunch of things I'd like to vent about, so I guess I'll keep all my trans-related vents in a single thread. Who knows, maybe my vents will help other trans people or even change the perception some people have about trans people.

Guess I'll start with this. I hate people treating being transgender as a choice. Who would want this life? Who would want to be insulted and lose friends and family for being trans? Who would want to have to save up money to see therapists, to get hormones and surgery, just to feel normal, instead of being able to save up for like... vacations and stuff? I would not choose this. If I had the choice, I would absolutely NOT be trans.

Being transgender is a medical condition. Not a mental illness, per say, but definitely a medical condition. My brain structure matches the brain structure of a male, not a female. But my body is unfortunately not male, so it causes confusion, discomfort, and all sorts of negative feelings. I personally would have no problem being a girl and I don't dislike my body at all. Yet, because my brain is wired differently, I can't be comfortable like this. And with our current understanding of science, the "cure" is to change the body to match the brain. We don't have a way to change the brain to match the body. Not even extensive therapy will fix it. Hormones and surgeries are currently the best and most effective option. I just want... to feel at peace with myself. I don't want to feel like I'm in a body that doesn't belong to me anymore. I want to feel right.

I can relate. I do not associate with other members of the LGB(T), though. Perhaps I am just childish and don't want to face others like that. Perhaps it is denial that I am who I am. Either way, I'm just commenting on this post to both let you know that you aren't alone.... And that I envy your friendships.

I suck at making friends. Not because I can't. I'm actually quite popular. I just have trust issues, maybe, lol?? Goodnight/bye.

"Non-dysphoric trans people". What a joke. You just can't be transgender without gender dysphoria! Like, that shouldn't even be a debate! If you don't have any sort of discomfort living as the gender you were assigned at birth, then why be trans? It makes it seem like a choice, which it is NOT.

I see a lot of people who claim to be non-dysphoric, but they actually do experience dysphoria. They just don't realize it because the trans community has made it seem like having dysphoria = hating yourself, which can sometimes be the case but isn't always true. Any sort of discomfort with your assigned gender is gender dysphoria! That's it! The only valid "non-dysphoric" trans people are those who've already transitioned and no longer experience dysphoria. They did at some point though, and that's why they even transitioned.

>>2
Denial was a part of why I didn't for a long time. Now it's the fact that people are faking being LGBT to seem "cool" that I avoid the community. It's just not safe for me anymore, in my opinion. But yeah, it's normal to not want to associate with the community. It is nice to know you're not alone though.
I wouldn't envy my friendships. I have so few. I've just learned to create my own happiness and not rely on others for it.

Creating your own happiness is the best. It's way harder for others to bring it down when you made it yourself.

Anyways. Since we're on this topic what do you think about people that think being trans or anything lgbtq is a sin? I used to be a Jehovah's witness when I first joined this site and on that religion there was, and probably still is a giant stigma against lgbtq people. I never liked that 'cause I did have a couple bi and gay friends in highschool and it just felt so weird to me that we'd hate (whether openly or secretly) on anyone just because of their sexual orientation.

>>4
I think it's ridiculous that being LGBT is viewed as a "sin". I grew up Mormon and from my understanding, there is NOTHING in the bible that states being LGBT is a sin. The one passage people often refer to was a mistranslation. "Man shall not lie with [man]" was meant to be "Man shall not lie with boy". It's referencing pedophilia, not homosexuality. And I seriously can't think of any passage that denounced transgender people.

I really think it's people insisting that their views are based on religion as a way to not have to think about why they actually think it's wrong. It's a scapegoat. I know plenty LGBT people who are also religious. Religion isn't the problem, just people.

The stigma is ridiculous, but it's definitely starting to go away. Still there, of course, but progress has been made. True religious people know to accept others for who they are. The hate just needs to be weeded out. I'm no longer following any religion, mainly for the stigma they have against people like me, but I do have spiritual beliefs still. It's a shame that I've had to isolate myself from religion for my own safety. I hope that one day, acceptance will be strong enough that there will be no isolation.

That's interesting. I never knew that verse was a mistranslation. Recently there's been a lot of pedophilia cases brought to light from the Jehovah's witness religion that were covered up. I ended up leaving due to a bunch of doubts and my best friend at the time getting disfellowshipped/shunned.

After I left I basically felt the freedom to believe whatever I want and speak my mind more. I still kept morals and stuff I agreed with and left behind teachings that I sidn't. I don't really believe in God anymore, but I do believe in the possibility of God. Which I guess the term for it now is Agnostic Atheist. I'm leaning more towards atheism, basically.

I think you're right about the Bible never mentioning anything lgbtq as a sin too. I know some verses can be interpreted that way, but it's not directly stated anywhere. It's just the way people choose to interpret it and many times it's out of context.

>>5 Genesis 19:1-30 sodom and Gomorrah. God turned these two cities to pillars of salt, due there “sin.” There sin was that they had slept with the same gender hence the word “sodomy.” I disagree that lgbt should be seen as sinful but there is multiple references in the bible towards lgbt being sinful.

Genesis 2:20-24, Genesis 19:1-11, Leviticus 18:22, Leviticus 20:13, Judges 19:16-24, 1 Kings 14:24, 1 Kings 15:12, 2 Kings 23:7, Romans 1:18-32, 1 Corinthians 6:9-11, 1 Timothy 1:8-10, Jude 7

All these call homosexuality sinful. Leviticus 18:22 States it. I am gay, my and my husband left Christianity when we found out about this. How can I support a religion that completely shamed me and my husband? I truly wish the bible didn’t include these because I was Christian from birth and I would have happily lived that way for the rest of my life with him.

THIS IS A CHRISTAIN SERVER.

>>8 it's been well over a year since I last read the Bible, I definitely forgot these were in there. I do remember the Sodom and Gomorrah one though.

>>7
Sodomy refers to anal and oral sex. While common with LGBT people, it isn't exclusive to LGBT people. Plenty of straight people do it too, but I'm not really seeing people protesting in the streets about how "blowjobs are a sin!". It's only ever directed towards same-gender attracted people.

>>8
Like Tree, I haven't read a bible in so long, so not surprised that I've missed stuff. They obviously weren't memorable enough to me. But it is ridiculous that people are trusting someone's interpretation of what God wants, because are you really gonna believe whoever wrote down the Bible all those years ago didn't have their own biases that they included? If God really considered it a sin, why would He create us like this? And why does it naturally occur in non-human animals? Seems pretty... suspicious to me.

Regardless of if people view it as a sin or not, I can't help being this way. I REALLY wish I wasn't, but it's not a choice. Was I supposed to live in misery trying to pretend to be something I'm not? I prefer happiness, because if I'm in a good emotional state, I can help others reach that state as well.

mm...., from what i think, you need to change your mind.., i mean start to not think about what other people see you, but start with something you think is right, i mean..., you can pretend smiling in front of others, but be yourself when youre alone....., well try to adapt, and be yourself when noe ones around

>>12
I'm confused? Do *I* need to change my mind? I'd disagree with that.
I no longer care what people think about me and I'm gonna be my true self 24/7. I'm never gonna pretend to be someone I'm not ever again because that made me absolutely miserable. If people have a problem with me being myself, that's on them. If they're gonna ignore all of my good qualities and focus on me being gay and trans as a way to hate me, they are the ones who need to rethink. I think I'm a generally good person. I'm not perfect, but I'm working hard to be better.
I'm the happiest I've ever been. Being true to myself has helped my mental health a lot and repaired my relationship with my family. I don't think I'll change my mind anytime soon.

(I apologize if I'm coming off as aggressive. I feel like I am, but honestly don't mean to. I'm real bad at tones.)

I agree with >>13
It feels so good when you are not pretending.

ew?

like, zoinks. Chill man ... ... "man".

I knew that this thread may be derailed often cause transgender is such a fun, hot topic to give out unnecessary, edgelord opinions. It's been surprising tame though. Anyways, back to the original purpose: venting.

I really hate when people use the wrong pronouns. There's absolutely nothing I can do about it. I know I don't pass well, but Keith is a male name so it's really confusing to me how someone would get "she" from Keith. But it's not like I can correct people, because then I become the "HoW dArE yOu MiSgEnDeR mE? iM tRiGgErEd!!" joke.

I'm never gonna expect people to use he/him because it'd be ridiculous for me to do so. But it does get disappointing each time and really makes my dysphoria flare up. All I can do is keep quiet and act like it doesn't bother me, because that's just the safest thing to do when a lot of society is against you.

>>16
you can't force people.

that's kindergarden shit

>>17

So is reading comprehension, but I'm guessing you didn't learn that. Did you even read the last paragraph?

(This will be the only time I'll interact with you on this thread, cause it's very clear you're not willing to understand my point of view and would rather be transphobic.)

Oh, almost forgot. Happy Trans Day of Visibility to any trans Dollars who come across this thread!! Stay strong, y'all!

Happy TDOV!
I just wanted to say that high school for me was shit because that's when I came out and even as people used my name, pronouns seem to go over their heads. But I had good friends and some really cool mentors.
By the end of high school I came out to my family and my mom even as she helped me choose my middle name, still misgenders me and deadnames me, even though I'm first year of college and by now I've legally changed my name and gender marker everywhere and 2 months on Testosterone, no help from my mum of course. It sucks that I don't have my family's support except for a couple of cousins but I have good friends and a great girlfriend who supports me so yea
I still have very dysphoric days and I'm not in the best situation because some stuff happened and now I'm back home with my mum but I'll get through it.
This was supposed to be inspirational lmao but yeah no matter what, it's going to be okay!

Yikes the degenerates got in on this site.. sigh theyre like the plague

>>20
Yeah, it took a while for my mom to come around and she still get it wrong sometimes, but she tries! I've been out for a little more than a year to my parents now. I've been out as "not cis" to close friends for I think 6 years now, wow.
Congrats on starting T! I'll hopefully being starting next month.

>>21
I've been on this site since 2013. :)
Thanks for proving my earlier point.

>>22
My mom doesn't seem to be coming around, I talked to my music teacher and she was telling me how it took her mom about 10 years to like fully accept and support her and I've been out to my mom for about a year too, I'm just not that patient like I get so angry and she isn't even trying which is irritating.
Been out to my friends about 4 years.
But anyway thanks! and I hope you do.

>>23
That sucks, but at least you have others to support you! I'm also super impatient and I was lucky that my cousin, who is super knowledgeable about the LGBT community and bi herself, sat my mom down and explained how I felt and how dysphoria hurts me a lot. At first my mom kept trying to insist that it was just a phase (yeah... cause 6 years hasn't changed my mind yet) and told me "you're not a boy", but whatever my cousin said to her has really opened her mind a lot, to the point where she referred to me as her son (I almost cried).

I know two trans people who have been out to their parents longer than I have and they still get misgendered by them. But a trans gal I know came out very recently and her parents immediately accepted her and are working to help her start HRT. It really does vary for each person. I hope your mom is able to come around soon, but know you'll always have tons of support regardless.

>>16 I'm not good at using the right pronouns, lol. I work in retail right now and we have at least two regular customers that I know for sure are transwomen. I know the name of one of them, but not the other. When I know their names, I tend to use their names instead of the pronouns, 'cause otherwise I might mess up. A lot of the times I'll just use genderless pronouns like "you" "they" "them" especially when I'm not sure.

One time let's call her, "Donna,(to keep real name private)" was waiting in line and was supposed to be attended next. When it was about to be her turn someone immediately cut her off and went to my coworker's counter. I immediately tried to say "She was next!" to my coworker, but ended up saying "He was next!" instead. I tried to correct myself immediately by saying "she" right after, and "sorry," but it was too late. Donna looked at me and said "That was on purpose." She was disappointed in me.
I offered to help her next,but I ruined her day, I guess... and she waited for our third coworker instead.
I felt bad that day. I hate to say this, but, sometimes my head just doesn't want to accept it. I know she's a she now, but the back of my mind keeps on repeating "he". I want to use the correct pronouns, and I do when I can, but it's not easy sometimes. Some people are just hard for me to tell and my brain sometimes doesn't want to cooperate, I don't know. I'm sorry.
For the most part, some transpeople are easy to distinguish, but some look very androgynous that I can't tell unless they tell me.

>>24
I really hope my mum comes around too. I want to get top surgery soon and since I'll be stuck at home it would just be easier if while I was healing I wasn't also being deadnamed and misgendered after a major surgery and in the process of healing yknow but also I don't want to be deadnamed or misgendered in general but you know what I mean I hope

>>25
I'm pretty good with pronouns, surprisingly enough it's the they/them pronouns that mess me up because it's like if I'm not paying attention my mind wants to fit non-binary/genderfluid pals into a binary yknow but yeah

>>25
As long as you try, messing up sometimes is completely fine! Even I mess up on one of my trans friend's pronouns from time to time because I knew her before she came out. I'm getting better though! There's also been a couple times where I called another friend by "she" even though he was introduced to me as a guy and I wanna hit myself for it. To be fair though, I sometimes mess up on cis people's pronouns, and I don't know why!
They is a good default to use if you're not sure, but just know that some trans people don't like it when you use they if you know what pronouns they prefer. I HATE when my brother uses they for me. But I'm completely fine with strangers using they, cause it's better than she. Some also... get angry when you make an innocent mistake and I apologize for that. Just keep trying and you're absolutely fine. Don't feel bad about it; it's a normal mistake.
Tip for people: when you do slip, don't make a big deal of it. Something like "he, sorry, she..." is all you need to do.

>"don't force people to use 'your pronouns'"
>"Oh you're transphobic"

>>18
:)

Getting away from the talk of pronouns.
I've recently moved and my old clinic gave me like 4 needles, enough to get me started and time to find a doctor here to prescribe me some more. Anyway I went to the doctor yesterday and she was really cool and is actually gonna find a top surgeon to refer me too and prescribed me some needles BUT my insurance doesn't cover them so I have to pay. I didn't have the money yesterday so I said I'll come back tomorrow and buy some. Only my mom being her wants to put it off for later. I had my T shot this morning and that was my last needle and my mom always wants to do everything later this later that and it really annoys me because she has no sense of punctuality and only wants to do stuff on her time. I just really hope we get some before my T shot in 2 weeks like I know that's a long time but you don't know my mother so

>>28 > I don't expect everyone to respect my chosen pronouns.
> You can't force people, that's stupid.
> I'm not, but you're who I'm talking about.

Tiny vent today. Someone on campus was telling his friends that he wanted to go up to me and tell me that "there's only two genders!" as if I couldn't overhear his loud mouth.
First of all, biologically incorrect, although being something other than male or female is very rare. Still exists though. Second, I identify as male?? Isn't that a "real gender" by their definition? Why would I need told that there's only two genders? People are weird.

>>30
Oh man, I can't stand that. I understand, cause my mom is the same way. She's the reason I've had to put off my first appointment to even get started on T to May. I hope you get your needles on time! I've heard from someone else on T that missing a dosage will drop your mood a ton. Yikes.

>>31
At least someone understood what I was saying. Thank you.

I still haven't gotten my needles, my pharmacy is confused even though on the prescription it says exactly what needles and syringe I use, and my mom still hasn't taken me but my friend is supposed to take me tomorrow to get them since my mom is no help and I have my shot next week.

>>32
That sucks dude, I for one have never actually had someone (aside from family member) say anything like this to me, I'm glad I live in a really open-minded and accepting place (my family didn't get the memo)

Oh but I have been going to this trans masculine discussion group at my local LGBT Center and they are really cool and I don't talk much or know anyone really but I like listening and hearing people talk about things I can relate to so yeah

Now that it's summer, I'll have to start getting appointments in order and finding reliable transportation. Kinda stressful, but also super exciting! Mostly looking forward to the voice change and bottom growth.

Hi all.

Please reach out to any of your American trans loved ones. Our situation is looking pretty dim at this point, so your support is needed and appreciated.

It doesn't help that many people are still greatly misinformed about what being transgender actually means, but I am trying my best to inform anyone who is confused.

Our government may be against us, but the science has always been on our side. Facts are greater than feelings. We'll survive this, together.

Might as well revive this thread now that I'm officially on T!
I'm still in disbelief that this is really happening. It's in my body! Ahhhh.
Now that I am on T though, I do need to start being more careful about certain things. I have slightly high cholesterol and I know that T can possibly increase it, so I gotta do my best to lower it to a normal range. I just I really should exercise more at this point, especially since it'll now be easier for me to gain muscle mass. And weight as well, which I've always struggled to gain.
I guess this thread may become a mix of vents and updates, but probably more updates.

Not to be petty, but it also feel so, so sweet to have gotten approval to be on T before a trans guy who used to attend my university. Whenever he'd talk about transtrenders, I always noticed he'd glance at me. Haha, nope, I wish this was something I was faking and could stop at anytime! But unfortunately, I am trans and I gotta give myself injections every week until I die. Fun stuff. I think he thought I was faking it because 1) my voice is high pitched (not my choice? also, a main source of dysphoria for me, thanks) and 2) I'm still fairly feminine. As if I'll ever stop that. If cis men can be feminine, then fuck, let me have my girly interests without being seen as fake!

>>36 congratulations !

I myself am not trans, but I have quite a few friends that are and their pretty great. Keep going, I believe in you!

come on guys, let's be positive and encouraging. Congrats EpicKeith, I'm happy for ya. As for the others who were being negative towards this whole thing, you guys gotta remember why you joined the dollars in the first place. Even if we don't agree with someone, we should show love and support. It may not be a big organization with structure, but we should at least try to make the world a better place

again, I'm so proud of you EpicKeith. Keep doing what you're doing

>>37 >>38 >>39
Thank you all!
Most people have been very supportive, so it's easy to ignore the negative people. They're typically not very well informed, so I can't let them get to me.

I am approaching two weeks on T. Not much has changed. Basically all I've noticed is that I have been constantly hungry.
I have been sick for a while and my throat felt rough during that. I have recovered from being sick, but my throat still feels all rough. While that is often a sign that your voice is preparing to drop, I think it's far too early for that to be the case. So either the sickness is lingering in only my throat or I'm extremely lucky and getting a voice drop a whole two months early.

One month on T today!
My face has gotten really greasy feeling, so I've been having to wash my face daily now. I've never washed my face before, really. Appetite is still big and I just keep eating and eating. I have to shower at least every other day or else I apparently smell really bad. Haven't noticed a voice drop yet, but that's fine. It usually takes three months for major changes to start.
I do need to pick up more needles sometime this week since I used my last ones. My next appointment is also coming up, so I think I'll have to get some blood tests done again.
I also actually have been exercising as well! I think that along with my appetite has been slowly allowing me to gain weight. I've been able to hit 100 pounds on a full stomach. Very glad to be gaining weight and I'm excited to be able to reach a healthy weight eventually.

Hi. I needed a place to vent and thought this was the place to do it. So for the past few months I've been in the mindset that I'm trans, but a few days ago I started thinking I'm gender fluid. A few days ago, i had to dress in a certain outfit for a fancy event and I found that I wasn't as uncomfortable in it as I thought I would be. I actually felt pretty comfortable in it and I felt alright with presenting as my birth sex. This isn't just going off of one certain outfit. I've been thinking a lot about how i would feel going out in outfits that would present my birth sex and I'm surprised that I wouldn't mind. I'd be alright presenting as my birth sex and as the opposite to my birth sex. I just don't like that my body has to be one specific sex. I don't know what label that puts me under but I don't really care. Honestly if i had it my way i would just forget about the labels. I would be who I want when i want. But I feel like my brain is forcing feelings about my body that pertain to the labels and now I can't differentiate between my real feelings and the ones that my brain is making up if that's even the case. Im just very confused and hoped that I could get some advice.

>>42
Sounds a little similar to my youngest sister, actually. She at one point thought she was trans, but really she just wanted to wear more masculine clothes. And she doesn't care at all about what gender others see her as. She doesn't really care too much about her own gender either, but is fine being a girl. She just wears what she likes and that's all there is to it.

Now, I don't really consider genderfluid as a gender. It's just not possible. Gender is based on your brain and your brain just doesn't morph each day. Most people who consider themselves genderfluid are confusing expression with gender or just have fluctuating gender dysphoria.
Like, wanting to dress masculine one day and feminine another? That's literally just expression. Not a gender. Even I want to dress feminine some days. Doesn't make me a woman on those days, I'm still a man.
And fluctuating gender dysphoria is also a pretty common thing that even I dealt with from time to time and even still do. I used to think I was bigender for that reason, cause some days, I didn't really feel discomfort about my body (just kinda neutral) and I would be like, huh, guess that means I'm a girl today! And when my dysphoria got really bad, I'd consider that a boy day. But turns out I never felt comfortable being a girl and that just because I had some good days, didn't mean my dysphoria ceased to exist.

Based on your description you posted here, I would think that you are cisgender but like to dress in several different ways. You're so focused on labels that you're not considering... what will make you happy? What would make you comfortable? You don't seem to have discomfort with your body other than it being labeled.
If anything, there's a slim chance you could be nonbinary, but I don't think that's the case with you. It just seems you dislike being labeled, in which case, you don't have to label yourself!! Labels are meant to be freeing, not restricting. If you feel restricted by a label, don't use it.

After reading this I realized that you're right. I didn't fully explain that I do deal with chest dysphoria but lately it's been mostly neutral. At the end of the day, i do know I'm trans. I think i was trying to make it easier for my family to accept that I'm not cis by saying "hey so I might not be your daughter all the time but sometimes i will". I understand what you're saying about how clothes don't define gender and that's something I strongly believe yet I didnt realize that was exactly what I was implying. Thank you for clearing that up for me.

>>44
Glad I could help!
I totally get that idea, although I feel like I was trying to make it easier for myself to accept I wasn't cis. Accepting that I was trans was a hard thing for me to do (especially since I'm still very feminine), but it was ultimately good for me to realize. I've been so much more confident and social and even made huge progress with my mental health. Coming out also somehow made my relationship with my parents so much stronger. It was rough at first, but now we actually feel more like a family instead of me just living there.

I personally recommend easing into things just to be sure, but some people do just know and are able to jump right into transition and not regret it and that was the better option for them. I'm normally super impulsive, but this was one thing that I really took my time with and I don't regret my slow approach. I started socially transitioning throughout my last three years of high school and it wasn't until my first semester of college that I came out to my parents. And then it was another two years until I started the process to get on T.
It's all up to you how you want to handle this discovery and how fast or slow you wanna go about it. Whatever you choose, I wish you luck and support!

I'm 6 weeks now and the hair above my upper lip has started to get darker and longer. Unfortunate, though, cause I don't want a mustache, so I guess I gotta start shaving my face. Also, the voice cracks have started. Exciting, but also pretty inconvenient.

Am now officially two months on T. I'm surprised I've had so many changes start already since most changes tend to start around 3 months at the earliest.
Unfortunately, due to corona, I wasn't able to get an appointment to get my blood tested to see where I am with my testosterone levels. It's... very inconvenient. But since I am seeing changes, I can assume my levels are at least close to what they should be. Hopefully I can get an appointment sometime soon if the clinic I go to isn't booked still.
My voice is currently changing right now. It keeps cracking and dying on me and I have to remember to adjust how I talk so it isn't so high pitched cause that's starting to hurt. I can also.. actually feel my Adam's apple forming. I can run my fingers along my throat and actually feel where it is now. It makes me so happy.
My stomach is also starting to get really hairy, so that's interesting. Also continuing to gain weight! I've been consistently over 100 on an empty and full stomach. I'm hoping that with my continued exercise, I can hit my ultimate goal weight - 115 pounds! If I can reach that in a healthy way, I'll feel fulfilled.

3 months now!!
My doctor talked to me about how things were going and she says that my progress is doing great and there are no concerns still.
I feel like the little bit a fat I had in my face has shifted soon. Cause my face just...looks different. It definitely looks more boyish.
My voice is still changing and people are noticing. My mom told me I'm starting to sound like my brother. My grandma also pointed out it was deeper (so she now knows I'm on T).
Acne is still a thing and I can't quite figure out how to do skincare. I've tried a few products, but they only seemed to make me break out more. Eh. I've never done much more than just wash my face with water, so I'll just stick with that.
Facial hair is slowly coming in. The hairs on my upper lip are starting to be noticeable on camera. And now I'm getting a few hairs on my chin. Not much, but it's still something! I can't wait to have a face full of stubble.
I've kept up with exercising and my muscle gain can be seen, especially in my arms. I've gained even more weight and hit 105 pounds today. I assume most of the weight gain is in muscle.

I'm just really proud of myself. I've been having a lot of ups and downs lately, but I'm glad I survived to make it this far. To actually be able to see myself becoming a person I can recognize in the mirror. To be able to talk and not want to rip out my vocal chords. To just feel confident and like myself.
I'll admit there were plenty of times where I doubted that I was trans. It took years for me to accept myself. But I have no doubts now. I have never been more comfortable in my own skin. I still have top dysphoria...but someday I'll have a flat chest too.

4 months!
Not much different from last month, just more hair everywhere.
My doctor did tell me that my testosterone levels are now in the normal male range, so that's cool. I'm still waiting to get my copy of the blood work results.

Stay strong, EpicKeith.

I am not trans, but I was in a relationship with a transboy for several years (me being a gay boy). A lot of the things you mentioned so far (feeling awkward about your voice, top dysphoria, not being sure about oneself, etc.) remind me of him.

It is good that you got rid of your doubts. Maybe they will come back from time to time, but remember that doubts are a normal thing.

I wish you all the best and hope you get all the support you need. :)

>>50
Ah, thank you! It is always nice to hear support from cis LGB people because we get a lot of hate from within our own community and that sucks. :( Happy Pride month to you!!



An actual vent today, wow.
With the stuff regarding trans healthcare going, I'm stunned by how people thinks healthcare works.
Do... people think we go to a regular doctor and demand hormones and surgery from them?? No, we look into what doctors and surgeons actually offer and are skilled in that stuff. (Which, by the way, is hell to find. When I was searching for clinics to start HRT at, I only found TWO different places that explicitly stated they did HRT for trans patients in my entire state. Now looking for surgeons for top surgery, I've only found three in my state and two are sometimes working in a different state.)
Like, I doubt trans people are demanding trans related medical treatments from people who have no experience in it, because we want it done safely and correctly. It's such a huge decision to make, why would we trust an inexperienced person to do it?
We just want to be able to go to a hospital for something completely unrelated to being trans, such as running a high fever or breaking a bone, and not be denied solely because we are trans. Of course there are some dumbasses who want to demand trans care from places that don't offer it, but there's dumbasses of every type of person. Jessica Yaniv comes to mind there. God, I hate when her stupidity becomes a reflection of all trans people. Most of us aren't that stupid!!

I've also seen people question why we would disclose ourselves as trans. Uhh... because it matters for medical treatment?
Let's say a trans guy who has not yet started medical transition wants to go on birth control to stop his periods (like I did before going on T). Obviously we have to acknowledge our birth sex here. But also, a trans guy wouldn't want birth control that could increase estrogen, so that needs to be discussed.
Or maybe any trans person getting blood work done if they are on HRT? HRT affects a lot and that can be reflected in the results. The obvious is hormone levels. I have testosterone levels that'd be concerning for a cis woman. My healthcare provider needs to know that those levels are actually where they should be for me.
There's also cases in which a trans person who passes needs to seek care related to their birth sex. They'll need to disclose being trans to their provider.
In cases where we don't need to disclose it, most won't. If I, for example, am getting a cast for a broken leg, they don't need to know that information so they won't.

Nobody is demanding that a religious person gives us gender affirming surgery if they don't agree with transition due to their religion. We just want to ensure we will receive proper treatment for other health issues that have nothing to do with being trans. A religious person can give a trans person a vaccine or perform a kidney transplant on a trans patient or whatever it may be and they won't be going against their beliefs! They're just treating a patient at that point!!

I'm not sure if I worded all of that right, but hopefully it does make a little sense. I'm just rambling here.

Inspired by this: https://dollars-bbs.org/random/res/1593671462.html
(Not actually linking cause HTML hates me on here, apparently)

Most people do say they wouldn't date a trans person. Hell, I used to be one of them, even being trans myself. But trans people aren't a monolith, so to claim that you'd NEVER date one is kinda ridiculous. Not bad, per say, but definitely ridiculous.

There's some people who claim it's transphobic to not date trans people and I HIGHLY disagree with that.
Like... guys.. sex IS important to most relationships and most people only want to be dealing with a certain set of genitals. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. So if a trans person just doesn't have the genitals they prefer, nothing wrong with not wanting to date them. Just be respectful, you know?
But not all tran people have the genitals they were born with, so that's not something you should just assume. Surgery can create such an authentic vagina for trans women that it is difficult to distinguish between a cis woman's vagina. It's pretty impressive, actually. So in that case, turning her down for just being trans despite having the preferred genitals is an instance where I do think it'd be transphobic.
Trans men on the other hand... our options for bottom surgery are, uh, not that great. A big reason why I'll never have that surgery done. So if a person is dead set on peni, a trans man probably just isn't for them. And again, nothing wrong with that.

There is more to a relationship than sex though and for some people, the important thing is the personality and the connection. That's where it's just ridiculous to claim you'd never date a trans person.
Trans people come in many shapes and personalities, just like everyone else!! You could meet a trans person and not even know they are trans! Who's to say then that you would never be attracted to a trans person? And you just connect with one so much that them being trans makes no difference to you? It can happen. Doesn't mean it will, but it can, and that's why it's just silly to rule them out as an option completely.
I did used to say I wouldn't date a trans person. But two of the four people I've dated? Trans. Things happen. Maybe I won't date another trans person, maybe I will. Who knows.

But also, don't force yourself to date trans people to seem less transphobic or something. If the person is not for you, then they're not for you. Being with a trans person carries unique challenges, just like dating any individual. Don't dive in if it's not something you want or aren't ready for. Common sense, really.
And as a final note, also don't date a trans person ONLY because they're trans. Don't be a chaser. That's gross.

Hmm. Think my s key is wonky. Insert an s in your mind on words that need them that I apparently missed out on.

I am now half a year on T!!!! Woo!!!!!!
Facial hair is slowly coming in and darkening now.... exciting.

Congrats on making 6 months!!! We all support you and hope you are doing well.

I forgot to do my 7 month update on Monday, whoops!!
My voice seems to be in the normal male range now and complete strangers now gender me correctly!! That's awesome. Still waiting on more facial hair... still stuck with chin whiskers. But I'll be patient. I know it takes a while for it to grow, even with cis men.
For those of you who don't read the RTT, I also have my name legally changed and I am officially Keith now! I still have to get the name updated with some places, but with corona still going, it's a bit of a hassle. I'll get there eventually.
Really... the only thing left in my transition other than just letting T take its course is top surgery. (And maybe hysto if it's medically necessary, otherwise.. only top surgery.) My goal is to get it done next summer, but I'm not sure how likely that is. But that's what I'll be working towards!!

>>55
Thank you :)

Congratulations Mr. Keith. I am sure you hear this a lot, after all, you are an epic being.

I read almost every entry on this thread and I just want to say thank you for helping me understand trans people better. Before I never really understood why people became transgender but I never asked anyone because I was too scared they would think I was transphobic or something. But now I understand that it isn't a choice and that you cant choose to become trans gender. Im very happy for you Keith! You seem very hard working and positive with who you are. You deserve every bit of happiness coming your way!!

>>57
Thank you, kind sir!! :)

>>58
I'm honestly really glad I could help you understand more!
It was a long, rough journey of several years for me to understand it myself and then learn to accept it, so I don't blame people who aren't trans for having a hard time understanding it. It's hard for us too sometimes! (And yes, definitely not a choice. If I could choose gender and sexuality, I would be a lesbian, lol.)

I know it can be daunting to try to learn about topics like this, especially when some people seem super keen on labeling people as bigots for the tiniest things. (Ironically, I actually tend to see most claims of "transphobia" from well-meaning allies. Most claims of "transphobia" from trans people that I've noticed have been teens who probably aren't fully informed.) I say, don't be afraid to ask questions, as long as you're respectful!
Do make sure the person is open to questions though. Having to explain your existence to people can get exhausting mentally, so not all trans people are willing to do it. While I think educating people about this helps, I also respect those who just want to live their lives and not be a teacher to anyone. And I get why some trans people can get angry and snappy at those are just genuinely trying to learn. I don't condone it, but I do get it.

That being said, I am willing to answer questions and discuss trans related stuff on this thread! I don't think I'm all that great with words and I ramble a lot, so my point may get lost, but I can try my best to explain stuff, as I have been doing.

8 months on T now. Not much updates to make. I'm still just waiting for more facial hair to grow in. The moustache is visible at this point. The rest? I can definitely feel, but I have to look up close to see. The hair is still light and thin. :( Eventually it'll thicken up!! Just gotta be patient.

Whew. Anyways. I'm just gonna try and redirect to Personal's actual purpose, yeehaw.

I hit 9 months on Friday. I feel like there aren't many changes to report on anymore cause all of the big ones already happened. I'll probably switch to updates every 3 months after I hit a year on T, or every 6 months. We'll see.
Things are as usual in terms of T though. I'm finally getting my ID with my new legal name on it today, so that's exciting.

Hearing news about US politics is pretty upsetting though, ngl. It worries me about my future and the future of my friends who are LGBT. I can only hope things will turn out fine, but it looks rather grim. I'll definitely be working on moving to a different country if I can. I don't entirely want to leave my home state, but will home be safe for me?

"Whew. Anyways. I'm just gonna try and redirect to Personal's actual purpose, yeehaw."
Lol

>>62
Get over yourself. This isn't a jab at you, it is simply me knowing that Personal is not meant for arguements over a misunderstanding. I'm sorry I made you feel unsafe, but the way you're acting is super immature. Safety of my own thread is laughable as well, given that me being trans is such an easy target for me to get harrassed. I'm taking a risk by even disclosing that information about me.

Tone is hard to read over text, but I truly did not mean to come off as aggressive or rude. And I'm sorry if I misread any tones you were giving out. I should have been more careful with my wording, I'll admit. But like Firion explained, we don't get many questions like that on this board, and when we do, they are almost always trolls, so I made an assumption, which was my mistake.

A friend of mine said that this is borderline harrassment, but I think it's silly to think that seriously of this. But you are blowing this way out of proportion and you seriously need to just drop it. You're letting something so insignificant get you fired up and that is not a good thing for mental health. (To be clear with my tone here, I am genuinely not trying to be antagonistic, this is out of legitimate concern.) Please, take a bit to cool off, get this whole situation off of your mind, and then maybe return when you feel okay. Or don't return if that's what you think is best for you. Seriously though, don't let strangers online upset you this much. I got into arguements all the time when I was 14-15 for that very reason, and I was constantly on edge and aggressive to everyone around me. It's not a good mindset to be in.

I will not be addressing this further, because like I said, I want to drop it. Nothing productive is coming out of it. And also, it konda derails both my thread and the thread it started on.

Hey, EpicKeith, I just wanted to say how I'm a little bit proud of you. I think this whole thread is really brave, and I admire you for it, pretty much. Thanks for all your talks, disclosures, and open-minded ideas. :D :)

>>64
Thank you so much!!

I hit 10 months on T a couple days ago. My T levels are still in range and stable, so I'm still sticking with my starting dose.
Acne has been terrible on my face lately, but it seems to be getting better on my shoulders. I feel like wearing a mask often has something to do with that though, since it's mostly in the area covered by my mask.
Facial hair is still slowly coming in. My brother is jealous cause I pull off a moustache WAY better than him. I also seem to have the same amount of facial hair as him now, but I think I take more after my dad, so I think I'll be able to grow a full beard eventually. I just want some nice stubble though.
I'm gonna try and see if I can start the process to get my top surgery cause wearing a binder is really taxing on my body so I try to avoid it as much as possible. But dysphoria, ugh. Some day I'll have a flat chest and I'll be so incredibly happy.

>>65 Glad things are going well for you c:
In terms of the acne, I've experienced it too from masks. I've been trying to make sure I regularly clean my reusable ones now and it's seemed to help. Best of luck!

I just wanted to write a little something here to let you know that you're awesome and really brave. I really hope things continue to go well!! <3

I am now a whole year on T and I'm honestly stunned that it's been a full year already. I'm really happy with the changes I have had. My voice especially. I love hearing my voice now. It makes me very happy.
Changes are very very gradual, so there's not much new to share. It's just a neat milestone to hit one year. :)

I sometimes forget I have this thread on here. Yesterday was TDOV and it makes me think about just how far I've come. I never thought I'd be able to be seen as a man AND be able to dress in a way that's fun to me, although feminine, but here we are.
I am so incredibly lucky and grateful to be able to be this far in my transition and to have the support in my life that I do. My family supports me and I have plenty of friends, both cis and trans, who are there for me. I am over a year on T, had my name legally changed, and have a consultation for top surgery scheduled.
I am far more confident with myself than I was a couple years ago and I'm so glad that I was able to survive long enough to be at this point. There's still a lot of fear that comes with being trans and I don't think that will ever go away in my lifetime. But I'm definitely doing far better now.

I sympathize with your suffering and I will pray for you. But understand you feeling like you were "born in the wrong body" is not a biological issue; it is a spiritual issue. You don't have to save up money for a cure, the "scientists" and the big pharma corporation are lying to you and selling you poison that only worsens your condition to profit at your expense while the real cure is free. The levels of depression and rates of suicide among transgender people drastically multiply AFTER the hormones and surgery. So what is this free cure? Go to your mother and father and forgive them. Speak to them face-to-face, if that's not possible facetime, if you can't do that call so you can hear each others voices. If they're dead visit their graves, if that's not possible, do something special to you that reminds you of them. Forgive your mother for traumatizing you to the point of rejecting your natural femininity (or masculinity if you were born a man) and forgive your earthly father for not protecting you from her. They couldn't help themselves. And your Heavenly Father will forgive you and your life will transform into something better than you could ever imagine. God bless you and anyone who needs to read this; may those who have eyes see and those who have ears hear.

>>70
It IS a medical condition and you clearly have not researched it as thoroughly as I have. Also, this is very much anecdotal, but I have become much happier and more confident since I started hormones and I have not considered suicide since. (I was very suicidal before my transition.) You do not know of what you speak about. And I also have a great relationship with both my parents now that my mental health has drastically improved. :) And I never rejected my femininity. I still enjoy being feminine. But I'm a feminine man.
Trust me, dude, I TRIED to "cure" this for free. That resulting in me hiding my face from others and hating myself because no matter how much I tried to embrace being female, I just felt uncomfortable and wrong. Oh, I also tried to kill myself. So much for your "free cure".
I have spiritual beliefs but they are different than yours. I do not believe in your god. But my spiritual beliefs have me on the right path for myself and I am happy with my life. I will continue to embrace my true self.

ANYWAYS. I didn't come on here just to reply to some nutcase who does not understand how gender dysphoria works and relies on statistics that don't account for the societal harrassment that we tend to face. No, I actually had some news to share! I finally got my top surgery scheduled and it's less than a month away!! And it's being 100% covered by my insurance so I won't have to worry about getting the money to afford it. I'm so excited for it! I have wanted these things off my chest since puberty gave me them. I can't wait to have a flat chest.

Oh whoops. Did not realize that person's reply was from April. Haha, oh well. I suppose it is always good to share some perspective from my life prior to transition to show how important it is to trans people?

It's been a while since I have used this thread.
As of yesterday, I am 6 months post op from my top surgery and I will be hitting 2 years on T in a couple days.
I'm extremely happy with my transition. I can now look at my body and actually feel like it's mine. And instead of getting dysphoric over it, I just have like... normal insecurities just like everyone else does. It seems pretty cheesy, but I seriously finally feel at peace with myself. Having that surgery done was truly life changing and I'm so grateful to have been able to get it done.

It does kinda frustrate me that there are people out there who are so against people finding peace with themselves like this. They don't understand the pain of feeling so wrong just existing in a body that doesn't feel correct. The mental anguish of trying so hard to just be happy with how I was born but it just never working. The years of conflict with myself before I even dared telling others. I wouldn't wish this pain on anybody, but I hope anyone who is trans will one day feel at peace as I do now.

Seeing laws getting passed in the US regarding trans people is just so heartbreaking. Why is this country regressing?

Yes, I completely understand being concerned about minors making irreversible decisions. But I rarely hear of any trans kids being able to start HRT under the age of 16 and a majority of surgeons will not operate on minors, so people are throwing an outrage over nothing. And cases where a child (note: a teenager) is starting HRT prior to 16 or getting surgery under 18 is not a decision made lightly and is likely done because of how extreme the dysphoria is.
But prepubescent children? They can't medically transition anyways. The most they can do there is prescribe puberty blockers, and quite honestly, I am not informed enough on those to have an opinion on whether or not this is a good thing to have them take. I would hope medical professionals are making the right call for their patients though and discuss it thoroughly with the child's parents.

Also, I really don't get why some people wanna treat being trans as some adult topic that must not be mentioned near a child whatsoever. A child may know a trans person in their life. A child could *be* trans. It's not an adult thing.
I know trans people who have known they were trans (basically just knowing they wanted to be the opposite gender) from a young age, as early as they even had memories. So people saying trans kids can't exist are just plain wrong. And keeping them sheltered will not prevent them from being trans, it will only leave them feeling confused and frustrated without knowing why.

I'm gonna share as much of my own story as I can to try to get some of you who read this to understand. Fair warning, I ramble, so this may be long.

(Trigger warnings for this.. talk about suicide and implied self harm)

I personally didn't realize I was trans until I was 14 (because I hadn't heard of transgender people until then) but I definitely had signs I can remember from as early as 1st grade.
I was never a strict tomboy. Yeah, I liked plenty of traditionally boyish stuff, but I also adored plenty of girly stuff too. Even now, that is the case. But even with young me loving wearing skirts and playing with dolls, I still considered myself "one of the boys". I would always get a bit happy when we were lined up boy-girl-boy-girl in elementary school and since my class had more girls than boys, I would sometimes be between two girls in line and I always thought "haha, I'm the boy now!".

I was regarded as a happy, bright kid who was rarely seen without a smile and I was incredibly social, even though I didn't speak. But when puberty started at 11, it was like I became the opposite of that. I felt so uncomfortable with myself. I was informed about the changes puberty brought, so it came at no surprise, but when I got my first period, it was also the first time I had the thought of genuinely wanting to die. I started shutting myself out from others and locking myself up in my room. I started wearing baggier clothes to hide away my changing body, mostly from myself.
I didn't understand why I felt that way. The other girls in my classes were bragging about their breast growth and being excited about growing up and becoming women while I tried to scratch mine off and stay a kid forever cause I didn't want to become a woman. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I started lashing out to whoever even mildly upsetme at any given time. I felt angry. Angry that I was miserable without knowing why.

Then at 14, I learned that trans people existed. And quickly after, how they were treated in society. So I had a very quick revelation of wow... everything makes sense now, followed by.. no, I can't be. So I spent the next few years trying to deny it. To try to be the perfect daughter my parents expected me to be. But all that did was make me angrier, because now I had the answer but couldn't do anything about it cause I thought my life would be destroyed if I dared tell anyone.

I tried to compromise with myself and tell myself I was bigender, cause then at least I was still partially the girl everyone expected from me. That didn't work either. I became incredibly suicidal and it felt so stupid because I otherwise had a good life. I had amazing grades, family and friends that loved me, and my family was finally in financial stability at that point. But I saw no future for myself regardless. Because I couldn't picture a future where I could be happy as a woman, no matter how hard I was trying to be one. And so at 15, I tried to hang myself. Current me is thankful that I had piss poor knot tying skills and my noose kept coming undone, so all that became of that attempt was me crying myself to sleep in frustration.

I had no intentions of living past 18. So I finally accepted I was trans at 17 and told my friends and a teacher that I trusted. And a week after I turned 18, I told my sister, who honestly didn't seem surprised. I cried in the gym while my graduating class was preparing at my highschool graduation, thinking of the future I had no hope for. It wasn't until I walked across the stage and returned to my seat and heard loud cheering from those my friends, calling out the name I preferred rather than my deadname that had just been called out, that I felt a glimmer of hope. I knew I had been accepted to an amazing university that was a few hours away from my family, so I thought of it as starting my life over.

When I went to university, I had introduced myself as Keith. And for the first time, I had met another trans guy. I felt welcomed. I felt like I met people who understood me. I got my first major haircut. I started trying to pass as a guy the best I could without being on HRT yet. And for the first time in years, I was back to being the person who was super scoial and rarely without a smile. I felt. Reborn.

I gained the confidence to come out to my family near the end of my first semester. And it was... admittedly rocky at first, but they've since come around to it and have been incredibly supportive. The end of my junior year, I started T. That summer, I had my name legally changed. And the following summer, I had top surgery. And now I feel at peace with myself.
During my time at university, where I was living as Keith rather than trying to pretend to be somebody I wasn't, I felt normal. I felt like I was having the normal ups and downs of early adult life. The usual frustrations, heartbreaks, and regrets that a typical student would have rather than the experience I had in highschool where I felt worlds apart from the other students.

I'm happy now. I still have insecurities like anyone else and I still get stressed out and angry when I'm overwhelmed by stuff, but at least now it's no longer about hating my very existence. My youngest sibling has even commented that I'm not as mean as I used to be. That I'm more fun to be around and more patient and understanding.
My mental health has improved so much from transitioning. And not only do I now see a future for myself, I'm working damn hard to achieve that future. And I don't intend on dying anytime soon now.

Can you explain how your brain structure is more similar to a male brain than a female brain? What in the structure is it that makes it more male?

>>76 Sure!

I'll admit that I don't know all the specifics that well, and it's still something being studied due to the sample size of transgender people studied being so small. There is great need to specifically break the groups into those who haven't been on HRT compared to those who have and further compared to both cisgender male and female brains. There's also some need to split the studies up based on both gender identity and sexual orientation to arive at more accurate data, just so we know how much sexualorientation does or does not factor in. So the results of the studies that have been done are merely suggestions of our understanding as of now, so keep that in mind.

But to summarize, in both MtF and FtM transgender people, it has been suggested that each have their own specific phenotype in regards to brain structure. Th overall brain is still more like our birth sex. But there are specific differences that they believe leads to transgenderism. They found that cortical thickness in MtF is greater than males and closer to females (which are also greater than males), wheres as in FtM, it is less than both male and female.

The white matter in the brains also differ with transgender brains having an amount inbetween male and female, which suggests that transgender people have a type of intersexuality that is restricted to the brain. This is further suggested by the subcortical structures in transgender brains being a mix of feminine and masculine and in MtF, demasculinized while in Ftm, defeminized. (I have no idea what it means for those structures to be masculine or feminine or whatever, so I'm just trusting the findings here.)

Furthermore, those differences are notable in the right hemisphere of the brain. From other brain studies, "MRI and neuropsychological data favor a right hemispheric specificity for self-processing in general and for body ownership specifically". This would very much explain why we experience gender dysphoria with our bodies since the part of the brain with notable differences is also the part that processes our sense of self.

Like I mentioned at the start, further studies are needed to really confirm our understanding of how transgenderism comes to be, but currently it does suggest similarities closer to our gender identity rather than our birth sex. My past posts does kinda suggest that the whole brain structure is similar to our gender identity, so that is my bad for wording it that way, haha, sorry. But yeah, there is definitely something in the brain structure that suggests this is why I am the way I am.

I do try to have a basic understanding of this kind of stuff so that I can try to explain it to those who are curious, but it definitely isn't anywhere near my field of expertise, so I myself don't quite get it! I'm a software engineer, so all of my brain knowledge just comes from me doing my own research.

you will never be a woman

>>79 lmao wdym, he WAS a woman.

>>79 You can't even dunk on me properly, lmao

>>79 r/AccidentallyAlly
Fuckin lmao

I've seen people that say something like "If being misgendered is the worst of your problems..."
Okay. I don't know any trans person who thinks being misgendered is the worst of their problems, cause y'know... we're normal people with lives that often have huge problems we gotta tackle. Misgendering seldom makes the top of that list.

But let's say.. someone calls you by the wrong name. On its own, it may suck for a bit or it may not but either way, you can carry on. It's not really an issue. But imagine then it keeps happening. Multiple times a day over the course of several months, years even. A seemingly small thing that you'd otherwise disregard is no longer ignorable. It is getting to you because it keeps happening. Why can't they just get your damn name right? It shouldn't be that hard, right, you think? It starts to cause you an amount of distress. You have other problems to worry about and you know that. But it does bother you cause it would hardly take much effort for them to just get it right. Maybe you're the kind of person who'd get frustrated at this point and lash out. Maybe you the kind of person who gets an anxiety spiral from something like this and wonder if they dislike you or if you did something wrong or whatever. Maybe you're the type to try to pretend it doesn't actually bother you and bottle it up until it explodes in your face later.

I mean, it's just a name, so why should it bother you? Don't you have more important things to worry about?


Pronouns are just words we use in place of a name. And names are just sounds we use to identify ourselves. So it's not like there's much of a difference here. It just comes down to being respectful of someone else.
Idc if you make mistakes with someone's pronouns. It happens. Whatever. I sometimes misgender cis people by accident (brain goes aheadnl of mouth so sometimes the wrong thing is said!).
But if you're intentionally doing something to someone you know they don't like, you're just being a disrespectful asshole. Not even limited to misgendering. That's just basic human decency, isn't it? It ain't "woke" to be respectful. Also, you tend to have a lot less issues in life if you just be nice to people.

(I have not gotten misgendered anytime recently. I just think it's dumb when people try to justify purposely misgendering someone. Okay? You're just being an asshole. If that's your goal, congrats, you did it. Now go find something fulfilling to do cause you obviously need it.)

very happy to see other truscum on here, fuck tucutes

i'm more than a few months on T now and feeling better about myself, but i just get so stressed thinking about how i can't get top surgery for another few years and bottom surgery for at least another decade. it's so expensive here for private surgery (no insurance covers it) and waitlists for public funded surgery are so long. i know i should be grateful we have the option free surgery to begin with, but i feel like it's going to be forever before i'm really happy with my body

but in happier news, i'm in the process of getting my name changed legally :D it's taking longer than i hoped because of short staffing but i'm so glad i'll have my proper name by the end of the month