I've recently been told by my friends that I should stop being friends with this one girl, B. I've sort of put myself in a situation where I can't really do anything about her though until a few weeks pass, so in the meantime I thought I'd post hear and ask what you guys think as well. It's always nice to get an outside opinion about stuff.

Starting at the beginning, B and I became friends because we are both on the debate and speech teams at our school, and we ended up bonding over that last year. Up until this major incident, I considered her a close friend of mine, and I think she thought the same because we both shared personal stuff about ourselves that we wouldn't have told each other if that weren't the case.

Flash forward to this year. B and another friend of mine, C, got into what I and several other debate and speech people, thought to be extremely petty and overall stupid. C considered B to be taking "too much initiative" and that B "needed to be put in her place". The problem was that neither of them was willing to talk to each other so they kept dragging fellow teammates into their dispute and B kept misusing authority to accuse C of bullying.

I told myself I would keep out of it, because I thought the whole thing was pointless, however I ended up taking action anyway. I noticed how upset B was getting over all of this, and despite not supporting everything she was doing, I decided to try and be a middleman and get B and C to stop fighting.

I talked to both B and C in person, telling them both to talk to the other without holding anything back. I told BOTH of them that the drama was petty and stupid, and that they escalated things because they refused to be mature and talk to each other. Neither of them did, and I gave up trying. I thought that I was still on good terms with both of them though.

A couple weeks ago I was surprised to find out that wasn't the case. I bumped into B in the hallway and I said hi, but she was ignoring me. I texted her if something was wrong but she never responded. Knowing that there was a mandatory speech meeting after school that day, I decided to be upfront and ask her in person to make sure that everything was alright. When I walked into the speech meeting I sat next to her and she immediately grabbed her stuff and moved across the room. Not gonna lie, it was a pretty big blow to the heart and my self esteem, and I wasn't even sure I had the confidence to try and talk to her in person anymore. I eventually worked up the courage though, and I asked her to talk with me privately when the meeting ended. She told me she didn't want to because she had to talk with someone else, but the other person knew what I was trying to do and told B to talk with me.

I let B lead me to an empty classroom and I asked her if I did something wrong. She said that I did, but didn't want to talk about it. I got upset and panicky, so I asked her if there was at least something I could do about it, but she said there wasn't really anything and went on to vaguely explain that "because of you, certain decisions were made that lead to upperclassmen talking to me". I was extremely confused because I had no fucking clue what I had to do with all of this, so I asked her one more time what I did wrong. She walked away and didn't look back. At this point I started crying and went to the art room so my teammates/friends wouldn't see me in that state.

A week later I knew I had to see her again because I had speech practice, and I was extremely afraid of how she would treat me. I was extremely surprised when she was treating me like normal, as if nothing had ever happened. She even felt comfortable enough with me to draw all over my arm and back with expo markers while I was trying to prep a speech.

I put up with this for a few days because I was just grateful that she was being my friend again, but eventually the unease I felt at never resolving things between us got to me. A couple days later when we were alone because we were the last two at speech practice, I asked her what our relationship was considering everything that happened the week before.

She stated that she was "okay" with me, but that she trusted me less because I was a "potential threat" whatever the fuck that means. I eventually got her to explain the thing with upperclassmen, and apparently she was talked to by upperclassmen telling her that she was being petty and dramatic and that she was "unfairly dragging me" into the drama. I was extremely confused and asked her what I had to do with any of that, and her response was that she didn't want to "accuse me of things".

I asked her if she thought that I had sent those upperclassmen her way and she said "I don't entirely believe that". In utter disbelief I told her everything I did regarding the situation and how it was because I WAS SAD THAT SHE WAS HURT that I got involved.

She kept going on about how I didn't understand what it felt like for her, and out of frustration I flat out told her that I didn't care about the stupid fucking drama between her and C anymore, I just wanted to fix our friendship. I then asked her if she could at least apologize for the way she treated me the previous week. B's response was "What do YOU want me to apologize for?". Getting more pissed off I asked "What do you think you did wrong?" She stated that she wouldn't apologize for walking away without explaining things because she should'e done so sooner since she didn't want to "accuse me of things". After asking her to apologize several times, she eventually stated that she was sorry she didn't have "more open lines of communication" after I told her that it took me a lot of courage to try and talk to her in person because I hate confrontation, but I cared about our relationship enough to overcome it because I knew her lack of communication with C was what caused all of the drama in the first place. She said again that she didn't want to accuse me of things and wanted to confirm what I said so she was going to wait a few weeks for this meeting thing with other people in case any "new information" came out. I was extremely pissed because I didn't know what information could come out that would suddenly redeem me in her eyes when I told her the honest truth about everything.

At this point I had to go home, so I left her a long text message about still wanting to be friends, but saying I respected her space and wanted to giver her time to think things over. She didn't respond until I sent it to her on another social media site, and since then I've heard nothing from her.

Since we agreed that she would eventually get back to me in a couple weeks what do you guys think I should do when that time comes? Tell her I don't want anything to do with her anymore if she says she trusts me again, or keep trying to fight for our friendship if she doesn't? I don't know. For a year I really thought of her as a close friend, and I don't know if I want to lose that relationship...

These are the messages I sent her for context.

I don't know what is the 'right' thing tk do in these situations, but if it was me, I would still consider her a friend, just not a close friend, I think you've already tried a lot to save your friendship, I feel like you've done your part, and you don't need to try more than this.
If she isn't willing to talk properly about the problem and find a solution, then I think you should leave it at that.
Her lack of communication is the problem, if she's not willing to try and communicate better or express what she thinks after all that, I think you should also not try.
Still though, if you feel like she's a very very important person to you, and it's worth it, then you should still try.

The problem is that I don't really know how I feel about her anymore, so I honestly don't know what to do about her as a friend. I just know that I always feel really uncomfortable during practices with her because she acts extremely friendly and sociable as if nothing ever even happened.

I can kinda understand that. I had a friend who I ended up dating, then she broke my heart but still wanted to be friends. Then my brother fell for her, but she stayed just friends with both of us and that broke his heart. Now she's not friends with me because I hate her longtime friend. She's still friends with my brother. This whole time I don't know how to feel about her, but I do feel free-er than when we where still friends. Now she and the girl i hate are being nice to me, so i told them they can ignore me, be mean to me , or something else. It makes me feel uncomfortable to be around them though.
As for you, maybe you should stay friends with her until something bad or sad happens, or your friend makes someone else mad. Then think about whatever happened and decide if it's actually bad, and think about what she's been doing that's "bad" or just "not good" or "unpositive" and then try to weigh out the good and the bad. Then it's just up to you if you still want this girl to be your friend. Because sometimes, even if you really like the person it feels better to let them go.
You don't have to take my advice but take it into perspective. That was my girlfriend, the love of my Life, i wanted to marry this girl. She Broke both Mine AND my brothers heart and i was still willing to be friends with this lady, and yet it felt better when i let her go. Even though I still love her, I feel better away from her.

Let me just say, I really liked the way you handled this. You were very direct and clear about your feelings and there was no room for miscommunication on your part (I guess being in speech and debate really helps with that huh?).

You'll have to recognize that if your relationship with her manages to get pass this hurdle that this may not be the final time this happens. It seems to be in her personality, she seems to have trust issues and probably problems expressing her feelings. If doing this over and over again sounds exhausting to you, then you may have to consider the possibility of distancing yourself from her.

That being said, the two options you provided isn't the only options. Maybe there's a middle ground that can consider as well?

ps. Charge your phone. Do keep us updated, I do find your story quite interesting

>>6 I feel really confused when it comes to trying to weigh the good vs. the bad because what's happening with us currently falls into "the bad" and I think that's kind of clouding my judgement on how bad things really are. I don't know if I want to let her go because of our friendship in the past as well as the fact that we are teammates, but maybe I'll feel betterish afterwards. But then maybe I actually end up feeling worse because I have to see her so often and it'll probably be uncomfortable.

>>7 Thanks for the compliment! If I'm going to be honest I kinda needed that bit of reassurance with all the stuff that's been happening. (Yeah, it's really been giving me a lot more confidence.)

I guess I do have to consider it now, but I'm kind of worried about what happens after should I decide to break things off. She is still my teammate in both speech and debate meaning I'll have to see her at least once or twice a week for approximately 2/3 of the school year, and it would be pretty bad to be on bad terms with someone like that.

I'm not sure, maybe she'll decide to acknowledge my innocence of whatever deeds she thinks that I've done in a few weeks? Who knows.

Thanks, at least someone is getting entertainment out of this bad situation. If I wasn't directly involved I'd probably be pretty interested in how everything plays out as well.