I feel like I am alone. I can never seem to express emotions properly without hurting others. I'm constantly paranoid and can't speak my mind for fear of being alone. But, in the process I am not a close friend to everyone. I have severe clinical anxiety and have been on depression meds for about 3 years now. My mental health has gotten much better but... I am afraid of losing people. I feep like I am never good enough. I try so hard in school and do amazing but all my family ever talks about is how my brother is a "genius". We get the same grades though and both play instruments but I feel pushed aside. I feel like I'm hiding more and nore of myself and am losing friends because of it. I almost made one of my friends cry by refusing to talk about myself becuase I got so silent and angry. But not at her at myself. I'm so scared I going to drive people away by revealing my true personality. It also hasn't helped that I was called by one of my ex friends a sociopath constantly. I was called it so much I started to believe it. I am getting better but no better enough. The only way I can speak my mind is through writting but when I have to tell people something I lie or change topics. I don't know what to do. I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life.

Hey Daenerys,
I can relate to your feelings.
I Have gone through the same. Tho I am taking meds shorter than you. I have a somewhat similar family problem too. The thing is, opening up is not something you should be forced to do. That friend of yours that cried because of you, means you are not alone. You must not be ashamed of who you are, nor should you feel guilty for feeling in any way that you feel. That is your reality. A real friend must accept that you are not always capable of speaking about your personal problems. The key is in telling them that. Sit with them and say that no matter how distant you may seem, they matter to you. You wish to open up to them but it takes time. Ask them to understand. If they can't, don't blame them nor yourself. People are different. And if you don't give up, you will come across ones who will cherish you the way you are. And you will develop with them. You are not alone. Try making a friend of yourself first. Accept you the way you are, realize your flaws and virtues. Turn down the volume of that voice which is telling you you are not good enough. Because you are, definition of "enough" does not exist. Be well. The world is not as awful as it seems.

Thank you so much. That means alot. I hope you also find your peace. :)