Months ago I helped a girl abort her child. I gave her the money needed to abort because she had no money to pay for abortion.

What she said back then was this:
-She was still a student, so she cannot support her child.
-Her parents were divorced, and she's the only hope of her mother to succeed in life.
-She was really really afraid of shaming her parents
-She will not be able to graduate if she continued her parenthood, she's a graduating nursing student by the way.
-The father of the child, her ex, is really abusive.
-The father of the child will never support her and her child
-The father of the child told her to abort her child
-Partly, she also wants to abort her child

What I thought back then was this:
-I have the money. I am rich. Why not help this girl?

And so I gave her the money needed to do the abortion.

But now it really haunts me hard because of the single thought that I killed an innocent life being indirectly. I mean, the baby will never die if I never gave her the money.

So dear reader, please tell me your honest opinion. Am I really the one to blame for the death of an innocent baby?

It really haunts me so bad that I indirectly killed an innocent life.

Please help me.

No, you're not to blame. Honestly, I think you were really generous to help her.

If it helps, think of it this way. If that child had been born, they would have had an unwilling mother and an absent father. Or at least a mother who wasn't financially and emotionally ready to take care of them. Or maybe they would've gone into the foster system, and maybe they would've never had a stable childhood.

I don't think you were wrong to give her the money, but I know guilt is a really relentless feeling. I'm sure the girl probably feels guilty too, even though this is what she decided was her best option.

Just remember that this doesn't make you a bad person. You made a hard choice, and you helped someone in need. Her life is on track because of it.

There's too many people.

She would've found some way to do it regardless.

You're not wrong for feeling bad, but you're also being stupid.

There isn't a child that thinks "now I'll never be born!" All that happened is a parasitic bundle of cells that had yet to develop a human consciousness stopped growing.

You're still morally upright.

Go eat some Haagen-Dazs, it'll make you feel better.

If she didn't want the kid, she should've given it up for adoption. I know, I know. The kid might've not had the best life. But hey, I grew up in a crap childhood with my abusive dad, no mom, poor as the dickens. I wouldn't give that up, though. Every person needs to have their shot at life, nobody has the right to take that away. Sure, the girl might have a better life without the kid, more successful, but now she'll have this guilt inside her forever. She was that baby's first home, she was the only one who could've protected it. All she needed to do was birth it, and who knows, maybe she would've wanted it after that. But if not, someone else could've loved that baby to death. A fetus isn't a parasite, our bodies are meant to give it life and it's the natural, healthy result of sex.

As for that guilt you feel, Marwood, it's perfectly understandable. I'm actually relieved you feel that way. I know guilt is a suffocating feeling, but you've gotta try to understand it. Yeah, the only thing really left from this whole event is the way you're feeling, not some kid pointing at you and calling you out on this. I'm glad you helped because you thought it was the right thing, but unfortunately, it wasn't. Sorry for being so blunt about it, but this is a pretty solemn subject and I don't wanna cloud the answer. Abortion is wrong, period. If you're old enough to have sex, you're old enough to not choose the easier escape route of killing what you created.

OP, I hope you don't take the previous response to heart.

>>4 You don't get to decide that "abortion is wrong, period". Maybe for some people it is, but for others it's the best choice they have. Don't guilt-trip OP by stating your opinion as if it's fact. Not everyone's ready for a child, and not everyone who has sex wants to procreate.

And >>2 was right, there was no killing involved. The child's life never even began, it was a fetus. OP and the girl he helped aren't murderers– and I think it's pretty fucked up for you to imply that. (Don't say that that isn't what you meant. You said "killing what you created".)

Lastly, if you're going to use the guilt argument– "now she'll have this guilt inside her forever"– then you shouldn't have suggested that she put her child up for adoption. As if doing that couldn't have been just as guilt-inducing, if not more, than having an abortion.

>>5 That's just how I feel. Marwood asked for people's take on the matter, so I gave mine. Please don't discredit my opinion just because it clashes with your own beliefs. I do believe abortion is murder, and that scuffing the life out of a fetus is worse than giving it a chance in a foster home. If I implied anything, I meant it. I'm not forcing anything down anybody's throat. I just wanted to give what I have to offer. It's a taxing situation for everybody, no matter what you believe in. Don't cancel out my voice because it doesn't match yours. I honestly hope everyone involved finds some sort of peace.

Remember, a fetus is only as good as sperm. It cant feel, think, or live on its own until over 25 weeks.
The fetus isnt a living thing yet because its brain isnt fully developed, so without a properly working brain, the fetus is as good as a brain dead patient.

Abortion is a complicated topic. Technically, the fetus did not have consciousness, but it did have a future. Not a bright future, but a future none the less. And maybe it would have been miserable enough to have given its life up in the end anyway, but then it would have been that person’s choice to make. For that reason, I am personally against abortion always.

That being said, I also don’t think what the OP did was bad. First of all, it was very well-intentioned. Trying to help people is always a good thing. Sometimes it’s done wrong or has bad results anyway, but neither of those things cancels out the good intentions. And that always counts for something. Second, even being against abortion, I still support legalizing abortion, because the fact of the matter is that people who want an abortion will find a way to get one whether it’s legal or not, and legal ways will be safer than illegal ways. If saving both lives were possible, that would be ideal, but if one life will be lost either way, why risk two? You not only gave this woman a better future for herself, but if you hadn’t helped her afford to do it the safe way, she may have died herself trying to do it an unsafe way.

So did you take away the future of an innocent person? Yes. Did your actions also have good results? Yes. I don’t think you deserve blame either way. I personally think you made a mistake, but we all do, and I can see the other side of the argument just as well. It’s complicated. Since you seem to regret it, I wouldn’t recommend doing it again if you have the chance (as it seems to be at idds with your personal morals). But ultimately, it’s up to you to decide if you did the right thing (and would do it again) or if you made a mistake (and will not do it again). Either way, you were trying to help and are clearly a good person. :) And even if you decide that it was a mistake, we don’t beat ourselves up for mistakes - we learn from them and move on. I’m sorry you found yourself in such a difficult, morally ambiguous place, and I wish you the best if luck in finding out where you personally stand on the issue, and if necessary, forgiving yourself and moving forward.

Of all the responses, >>2 and >>3 are the two I think you should take to heart the most.

And honestly, her other option would have probably been to put the baby up for adoption if and when it would be born (miscarriages happen, so it is possible it still may have never been born regardless). And putting a child up for adoption is just as taxing as getting an abortion. My mom had to put my youngest brother up for adoption because we simply could not afford a fifth child and she still hasn't forgiven herself for it. (And don't say she was irresponsible because she was on the pill AND used condoms. Shit happens). The adoption system is VERY flawed and children there can often be abused and mistreated and many age out of the system without ever having a home to belong to. Then many end up in prison just to feel like they have a place to belong to. It's cruel and I am glad we were able to find a couple willing to take him during the pregnancy so he avoided being a part of the system. Plus, that also means carrying out the pregnancy which can cause all sorts of problems.

So OP, you were a good person and I honestly applaud you for helping a person in great need even though it didn't match your morals. There is no need to feel guilty, but it is understandable. You're a kind hearted and respectable person for what you did and you shouldn't feel ashamed of that.

I'm in agreement with the majority. You did the right thing. All that died was a bundle of consciousless cells feeding off an another being. It had no awareness of what it was, and even if it by some miracle did it wouldn't remember. Foetuses don't have developed enough brains to remember anything.
It's likely she would've been miserable and so would the child if the pregnancy was carried to term.
You gave her a much better alternative she wouldn't have had otherwise. You killed nothing but a bundle of cells that didn't know it was a bundle of cells anyway. She could've miscarried, had problems during pregnancy, or god knows what else. I applaud you.