(Warning, LONG!)
So, about a year ago, I was in a relationship with this girl, Phoenix. We didnt date for very long, since it was long distance and I'm really bad at committing to long distance relationships, so we broke up in a matter of weeks. We remained close friends as we were before, extremely close, and mostly are to this day. Earlier in August I met a girl (Ava), who i'd known for a long time at a mall (we live about 12 hours away), and we started dating as we had been previously talking about. Once this news got onto social media, Phoenix got very upset, as i expected. She'd always been protective and territorial of me, even since the breakup, which i always assumed was a joke. I realized after a while that she is actually genuinely upset about me being in a relationship with Ava, and i've tried to handle it by saying id probably leave her anyways (which is untrue), but i figured it would help in the moment. it seemed to keep her at ease until recently she started talking to me, saying things like "how come you arent broken up yet?" "you lied to me" and such. I don't exactly know how to deal with it anymore and she has given me an ultimatum to either discuss it confrontational and honestly, or shed be done with our friendship for good. I've been kinda hiding from it and wishing it all away, which has proven futile.. what do i tell her? I very much love her, just not the way shes held on for almost a year now. But i'm very serious about this relationship that i'm in currently. Was I wrong for trying to ease her by making false promises, or is she wrong for having been attempting to disrupt my relationship for months?

Ultimatum = Shittest,

she sees a nice guy in you thinkign she can play a tantrum i love you more card, the fact that she even stated an ultimatum should make your head ring ring
thats a fucking huge red flag just end her friendship and if she crawls back dont respond she knows you got options ( being with another girl ) and if they know that they do all kinds of shit to pull you back, just enjoy your time with ava and. no need for fucking headaches, womans dont even love you the way you love them for them its what you have( hypergamy ) and for you its what she is ( polygamy ) so its either your good looking or have some status ( you can pull girls so seems to be there ) , wastingg your brain on someone who states ultimatums is not worth it, simple, even if you love her just remember that she dosnt love you the way you do, should be easy then to get over her and if not still get over her

I see what your saying, but this girl is hooked on me. Its definitely love, but I think its more of a selfishness issue. Occasionally, even before my current gf, she'd message me about just how much it kills her that she just absolutely cant let me go. I would love to be able to muster up the courage to just walk away from it, but we've got so much history and i honestly really pity her in this. Am i being too easy on her? I dont know :( I just wish there were alternatives to the thing that i know i SHOULD do, which is walk away.

>>4 GTFO

Obsessive actions, possessiveness, and ultimatums are all big red flags for abusive behavior. Simply put, none of what she is doing is acceptable, even if not abusive.
You're very kind for trying for so long to make the friendship work, but please do what is best for you. Continue your relationship with Ava. If Phoenix actually loved you, she wouldn't act the way she is. Don't confuse obsession for love.
Me and my ex girlfriend are still best friends because she accepts me being in a new relationship and doesn't try to be possessive over me. (I guess it also helps that we both turned out to actually be gay and therefore not attracted to each other?). Respect and trust are very important in a friendship, and Phoenix doesn't have either towards you. I know it's extremely difficult to do, but as you said, what you should do is walk away. It'll be best for all three of you. The longer you let Phoenix act this way, the worse it can potentially become. Walking away will force her to move on and become a better person.

>>6 yeah. youre right. i will. i'll end our friendship. i knew thats what i needed to do but its just gonna suck so much. but thank you <3