Hi Emma,
I know there is nothing I can say to make you feel better, or to give you hope, or change your mind, but I'd just like to say that even though my life may not be as bad as yours that I understand a little of what you're feeling. I've gone through abuse as a young child, and the rest of my life hasn't been much better. I've had depressing for most my life and often think of ending it, and one day I might. I guess I'm just trying to say you're not alone in how you feel. I wish I could tell you it'll get better if you just hang on, but the truth is I don't know. I hope things get better for you, I really do. And even if the people in your life don't understand or believe you there are people here who do.

>>1 An option to consider is to try and start a new life. You sound like you're broken inside, wounded. You need time to heal, because there's still things for you to live for. There's a lot of pressure to live, a lot of things expected of you, situations that you find yourself trapped in. You might just need a break, or need the freedom. I'm not saying to just up and leave on a whim, but maybe there's people out there who might be able to help you and give you that something that you are lacking. I don't know exactly your relationship with the other people around you but you seem like someone who could use a long hug, who just needs someone there that will always be there for you and be able to help you in any way that they can. But not just anyone, someone you truly trust and care about, that you wouldn't want to leave. Please don't give up yet. If there's anything you need help with let us know. Be it money, a place to stay, someone to be there for you, we might be able to help.

I feel kind of silly for saying this but I'm someone who's been alone my whole life. This isn't about me and my struggles seem like nothing compared to what I imagine you went through, but maybe what you're after is something that can only be provided from someone else with a complicated life, or someone who's truly alone. I'm only putting this out there as an option, it's hard for anyone to understand each other through the few words we get in these messages. I apologise if any of this affected you negatively or if it's hard to understand but I mean everything with good intentions. If there's anything I can do please let me know.

I don't know who deleted it or why the original post was deleted, but here it is again:


1 Name: Emma : 2018-09-09 19:40 ID:3ZmbH9f4 [Del]

I guess I should start at the beginning...
I was born into a well off family. I can’t go into crazy detail because, some of you might then know me, but basically we were an immigrant family that got chased out of our country...
We came to America then, and I spent some time in Florida before moving to Colorado when I was 3...
A very long story short, I got placed in a psychiatric ward around ten due to abuse from my parents. Sounds wrong and lopsided right?
Well my parents were “upstanding citizens” and “good people” so the court basically ruled I needed to go to a correctional facility... For lack of a better term, my Handler, abused me and raped me on multiple occasions. The only good part of the day was when I was at their computer lab, taking online classes...
Eventually I started to self harm... clawing into my arms, stealing sharps, to cut with...
Around 12 was the first time I tried to kill myself...
They found me and stomach pumped the medicine I had taken...
That was my life 3 more years.
Eventually I tried to act “better” so I could leave.
I was placed with my old family again...
I’m tired of feeling only pain and emptiness... I’m tired of the abuse, whether verbal mental or physical.

@Emma, delete this if you really don't want anyone else to see it anymore.

>>4 They deleted it because their one on main is better, told em to post here but it wasnt "popular" so they deleted it here, I think they're somebody who only cares about the replies they get and donttt actually have a serious problem,

maybe the op didn't delete it. i have had my threads deleted before for no apparent reason. >>5 if the op was only after the comments she would leave it up. deleting the post just causes the op to receive less comments. these the other fact that the op wanted to delete both post from personal and main but, was only able to delete the personal one. every now and again this website wont let you remove some of your own threads.

>>6It says "post deleted by user" otherwise it would say "post deleted by moderator"

To remove your own threads you must be on the same device with the same IP and when you created the thread.

>>7 its been a couple of days since the user made the post, there's a big timeframe in-between

If this helps clear up everything, they created a post then deleted it because it wasn't popular, it was most likely the same day they put it up, since she still had the 3z ID on both posts, as seen by >>4's copy of it, :D

thanks jaydon, for clearing things up.