So I'm gonna try to keep this short, but I usually have a tough time with things like this so bear with me.

I've been dating this girl for going on 4 years now. Things have gotten pretty serious, and we've been living together for about a year and a half now. Unfortunately, earlier this year (end of January I believe) life got very stressful and we blamed each other for it and ended up taking a break. I found out about a month later that immediately (and I mean within 30 minutes of the conversation) after we decided to take a break from each other she went and slept with a guy who has been her best friend for years. This lasted about 3 weeks until conveniently ending a couple of days before I found messages between them showing their activities during that time.

I admit that during that time we were still living together and still sleeping with each other, but she repeatedly promised me that I was the only one she was sleeping with.

We argued a lot but after some time we realized that we were both still in love with each other and decided to get back together, under the condition that she never see or speak to this other guy ever again.

Time passes and she decides that because he was her best friend, she can't cut him out and if I want to be with her then I have to learn to be okay with her hanging out with him, and because I'm so in love with her I agreed to try.

Leading up to the initial break, I had suspicions for months of her cheating on me with him but never found anything to prove it and when I confronted her about it she deleted the messages saying he confided in her things that he didn't want anyone to know. Now because of that, I'm stuck wondering if she is still romantically or sexually involved with him every time she hangs out with him, especially since she has been telling me for months that we can't have sex due to a bad infection she got that won't go away.

Things have been really bad for me lately and my depression is worse that it's ever been. I love this woman to death even if I shouldn't, and if it weren't for that other guy I would have asked her to marry me already. I don't know what to do and I don't know if I can trust her.

Apologies for the unfortunately long thread, I'm just at my wit's end and I don't know what else to do. Please help me figure this out.

Honestly, relationships where you don’t trust the girl doesn’t last, once the trust is gone the whole relationship turns to a shop wreck. If you can’t trust each other then the relationships isn’t that good. If you want the relationship to last you need to learn to trust her again. If you can’t do this then it’s time to move on. This will be hard on you leaving the girl you loved but, if you stay in a relationship where you can’t trust each other it only leads to depression.

Trust me, I was in the exact same situation, I got really really depressed. I decided to leave the girl after a while. At first it has like I was shot through the heart but, I had to move on. Soon after I got with a different girl and I realised how good it felt to be in a relationship where I can trust my partner.

If you can’t rebuild that trust, then it’s best to leave her. If you do this please watch this video it helped me when I had broke up with the girl I once loved.

https://youtu.be/9SxjH0FDUYQ