Since my parents divorce my mother has taken up the care of four children completely by herself. I, being the third oldest was in charge of fees and cleaning up after everyone. I think the stress of school and my mother’s expectations has put a constant strain of anxiety on me. At random times I’ll get bouts of days where I’m extremely sad and questioning on living on. I know I won’t kill myself but whenever I see a knife I invertedly groan and incision putting it literally in my arm. I’m also very clumsy and tend to mess things up constantly for myself and others. I really feel like a burden on my family, but killing myself wont make the situation better, plus I do want to live and have a life where I’m happy. The future just seems so far away and intangible though. I’m questioning on seeing a psychiatrist but I really don’t want my mom to know I’m slightly suicidal and that it’s slightly her fault but mostly mine. In all honesty I don’t want to have such negative thought and have tried many things for it like religion, meditation, breathing excersizes. When they don’t work it makes me feel even worse.

I can understand you here, having gone through the same thing myself. I never told her until I attempted suicide how much stress I was under thanks to her. So my advice to you is to tell her before it gets to be too much.