teen here, probably just an E away from being a NEET. it might be the fact that ive consumed too much fiction, or im just very self conscious, but i never really feel satisfied with myself or anything i do. i don't feel special enough if that makes sense? my life is very repetitive, i have little to no friends, whenever i look in a mirror my brain just goes :/ as if im looking at someone else. i don't want to be in this body (i started avoiding mirrors/i always have my phone brightness on highest so it doesn't reflect my face), i don't want to be so bland, i don't want my life to be so boring and repetitive. to be honest a few times i have even considered suicide or getting in a coma because in the 'afterlife' i might actually be someone important, i might actually become a 'main character'.
but enough of that edgy shit. the reason i made this vent is because my blandness goes so far that sometimes im actually having trouble picking my hobbies or talking about myself, hell i couldn't even pick my username for this post. i'm supposed to change schools soon and i have little to no idea where will i even go. sometimes i think itd be easier to just completely absorb a fictional characters personality/appearance and discard my own, but i think this would cause me even more harm. i have no idea what to do and im scared of opening up to people irl because i think theyll just go 'oh you'll grow out of it' or 'you're just being dramatic'. anyways that's about it. sorry for taking up your time

I will give a full reply soon. I'm switching classes rn, so I will actually respond in a few minutes.

>>2 I have been there many times. Buts that’s my fault if I’m honest. Although my life was increasingly boring, I had a choice. I could either wallow in my own self pity and emptiness, or I could change to who I wanted to be. What are traits you admire? Actions you wish to take part in? Could you be spending this time to focus on school? What about putting yourself out there and making friends? Take a few characters from your favorite books/shows/etc and make a list of what you wish you could do or wish you had (personality wise). Want to be fearless? Well face your fears. Want to be fit? Work out. Your emptiness is causing you to want to not exsist. Do you like to scheme? I find it so fun! It’s great to get rid of boredom. Watching people dig themselves into holes and you having their life in your pockets. Practice. Start small. Don’t force yourself through the washing machine because you won’t make an attempt to better yourself. And don’t fantasize of becoming someone else who’s story has already been written. Write your own. Carve it from rock if need be. Look in the mirror and see who you are. Image who you want to be. Proud, confident. Are you going to be your best self? I hope this all makes sense. My English isn’t as good as it used to be. And of course my scattered thoughts.

thanks a lot! i'll definitely try something like that. i hope you have a good day.

Yikes, you are kind of just like me. Like even almost everything.

>>5
i'm glad i'm not the only one struggling with this lol

this describes me too, just as it describes you.

My Advice: you are the main character everyone is the main character to themselves stop caring about what other people think and just be yourself im ugly as hell and still live with it, and you can to! plus just being ugly isn't all iv'e lost so many people and so much stuff has gone on, so if your doing this just because your looks, please don't. Lastly you haven't taken up my time im just glad i could possibly help someone out. and its not taking up someones time if your calling out for help. lol to be honest not even i could fess up that i need help. and this is my first time saying this so i guess there is my confession.

P.S whoever is calling you ugly i want you to say these words to them "you know your very ignorant, why don't you spend time worrying about yourself and stop bullying other people and trying to make them feel bad, and this is why you have fake friends."

Hi, I experience what you feel before.
I'm so into stories, mystery novel, and movies and detective drama. I don't really discard my own personality or anything.


I just did what I want and what I liked to do as long as it doesn't bring myself or any other people harm. I changed schools a lot. I moved around the country a lot. Every time I did, I try mimicked my favorite character little movements and gesture. Because those are the characters that I can relate to in my life. Every time I change place with people that do not know me I changed my ways. At every place those people remembers me differently. I was once so immersed as a whole new level of genius. I did everything from my usual habit. I also choose to be the non-talkative smart ass that pissed people off. I got top 2 of the entire student body (300++) but people hated me because I chose to get hated.

And so I changed school again ( almost every year ) this time I became the cool mature kid. As in real mature, I had been sent to the student counselor 3 times. And I won my judgement on my action against the counselor. Apparently, I was so different and not like any other normal high school kid. It's like adult in kid body. I became too popular with the girls, boys, and the teachers. The bullies just can't do anything to me because I don't have problems with anyone. Everyone is pleased with me. Not that I talk so much. It just the small things that I picked up from my favorite character.

I kinda make girls that are older than me fall for me. Because of that mature, knowledgeable and skillful personality.

I graduated high school. And got into a pre-university there I became the nerdy, introvert who can't talk to people. It kinda work and people taken care of me very well. There are juniors that fall for this personality as well. I just seem so harmless and helpless. I stuttered as well.

Once I got into a college. I have honed my leadership skills. Managing and organizing people around me. I organized a lot of events around my country and facilitates some. I was on newspaper and television at some point only for short while.

The conclusion is that, I did mimicked the little personality of the characters that I like and most of it are the gesture and little movements that make them unique. I adapted that to my own self.

I realized that I have learnt so much from doing all of this. This is who I am now. Not that I have many personality but I did trial and error on my own body, my own mind. Going through strict habit and discipline to follow my character. It makes me who I am today.

That is my story. :)

bump for the story.

oh i read the story i just didn't know how to reply sorry