hey fellas, so i apologize in advance for adding my horrible and self-deprecating rant to this cesspool of self-deprecating rants. but i don't feel like i can say this to anyone i know.

i tried killing myself back in february, by crashing my car. and i don't know why, but during that blur of a time i made the subconscious choice to not unbuckle— which probably saved me, as my car was totaled but i got away with only a few broken bones. now i'm on zoloft and i've got a therapist. now, i can't go to the therapist and say this because if i do he is obligated to send me back to this god awful psychiatric hospital where i would get to play cards all day and generally have a really garbage time.

to be honest, at times i wish i had taken off the damn seatbelt. i guess god just really has it out for me. not like i have a bad life or anything, which makes me feel worse. i live in a middle class family, we have money to eat out pretty often and buy useless crap, and my parents are supportive. so why do i feel this way? despite everything i can't seem to get over myself and start having a good time. it seems like i'm getting deeper and deeper into this insecure, escapist mindset, and it kinda sucks. feels like things really won't get any clearer or "better" in some way. i hate typing this because everything i'm saying feels cliche, and it feels lie i'm admitting defeat or something, i dunno. but i feel this way anyway. i don't think i can bring myself to try again and hurt my family like that but i just wish with all my heart that i had succeeded back then.

thank you for reading.

It is a really common feeling, you do not need to worry about it.

I would advice you to look for help online, that can help. Look for online courses or videos on how to get over yourself, enjoy life more, etc.

Furthermore you can try reading some books on this topic, they are very motivational. Maybe try reading something from the Carnegies. I think there is a specific book on this by them.

Please answer to this thread and let me know how you feel and what happened, I am curious to hear more from you in the future.
I wish you the best of lucks and please don't give up!

Maybe you could go get a hobby like taking walks. They help. A lot.

I know how it feels. I haven’t told my therapist that I cut myself because I don’t want my parents to know or for anything to happen. I’m going to tell him next week because I really need help and I recommend that you do the same thing. Even though telling your therapist couls make me very uncomfortable if it gets you the help you need you should try. If not than start making yourself do things that are fun or things that you used to like. It can be really hard but after you force yourself to do it enough times it stops feeling like a chore and becomes something that you can actually enjoy (sometimes). I really hope that this helped. Sorry if it doesn’t make sense I’m having a panic attack right now and my brain isn’t working normally. If you ever need someone to vent to or advice you can text me over Kik (my kik is Victor_Ackerman).

~Post

I always believed that every person has their own role and time. You not dead yet, means there is something more in your life that haven't yet been found.