i might be about to do something terrible . this isnt a troll i have nowhere else to go . im NOT contemplating a suicide . any adults out here ? i dont know how to contain my grief and i dont have family or any money to seek help

Hey flumbunkulous,

What's going on?

-- ..- .-. -.. . .-.

You stressed not contemplating suicide but choose that title, I hope you are not considering this either.
And something that was powerful for me to hear, grief is not something to contain.

I hope to hear from you.

Everyday write a letter to yourself about how you're feeling, how your day has been, what you look forward to. If you have no one around to speak with, then express your feeling through the letters. Scream, cry, doubt, mourn, and laugh... these feelings will flow from you and make your chess a little less tight. Take the time out every night and help yourself lift whatever burdens you.

Chest*

i had a job a very good job and due to a deliberate accident my whole life is ruined . i dont know what to do . nothing makes me happy and just being around anyone makes me furious .

im sorry i was out of my mind and my mind went straight to violence . its just that i dont know how to deal with this . i do not have anyone to guide me but im very sorry about the title it was childish of me . i understand resorting to violence isnt going to do me or anybody any good

Channel those violent tendencies. If you have a punching bag at home, go at it. If not, flip your mattress up standing against your wall and go at it. I will not guide you... but I will try and point you toward the right direction. I believe this is something that you have to learn to focus and deal with on your own. Letters, physical excersis, find whatever helps you relax yourself.

Take a deep breath. Everythings going to be okay.

Its ok, I get it. Everyone has demons and they can speak the loudest when we are in pain. Are you OK physically from this accident? I agree with Pickles that we cannot guide you, and advice is only good if it works - but its hard to give good advice without knowing you. If the job is lost, let it be lost. Don't lose yourself in that. You are not your profession. You are a soul, a life, energy.

i lost my arm and a person very dear to me on the accident .
i was in the airforce . i dont know what else to say .

i do not for how long my punching bag could contain my anger

i lied i have money . ive been to a psychiatrist . several psychiatrists actually . they either felt pity on me , gave up on me or gave me anti depressants that dont work at all . its hard to open up about something so personal i guess and i cant think straight

That is intense. Your OP asked if there were any adults in here and that you could not contain your grief. I am certainly not as young as I once was, and I'm as young as I'll ever be. And if you actually have sought out professional help, you seem to want to do something about your grief(even if those professionals failed you, you should keep trying others until you find a good fit. I have tried many medications to find one that works well enough and I am blessed to have a therapist that I can connect with). What I want to know is why are you here? That can be as deep as you want or simply a fan of Durarara and wanted to connect with other older fans...but again, why? [I am not asking from a judging standpoint, more so out of curiosity.]

well i have no idea what durarara is or what it could stand for . ive been trying to connect with a lot of people on how i could deal with this and this site happened to pop up . this isnt something recent thats happened to me but its reaching its peak i guess .

im tired of therapy , i think is the best way to put it . thank you for your time and help ( the both of you ) i think i prefer dealing with this alone . im sorry if i shocked anybody i didnt know this group was fan based i guess . about my arm thats probably my least bother right now so dont work your head about it . im over it , but i guess i dont want to lose myself to drugs again . thankyou . live your lives kiddos .

I honestly don't know how fan based this group is, like I said, just curious to how you ended up here.

Just admitting that you don't want to resort back to drugs is significant. For me, drugs were a way to escape my issues - but I was escaping the possibility of living a full life as well. Losing yourself IS an option, but so is finding what makes your life meaningful, which I believe to be a higher calling.

All the best.