This is honestly quite a strange thing to say, one that might not be easy to take seriously. Before you jump to conclusions, let me explain a few things. Firstly, I’m someone who’s 22 years old, I’m not some young kid who is writing this on a whim, it’s something I’ve thought about for a while and that I have a lot to say about how it works. I don’t believe this is something that can be described simply so this will take many words to explain. But secondly, I don’t mean anything like luck, or that I mess up or things like that. I’m talking about who I am, and why the person I am has a kind of destiny that will only ever hurt others and affect others in a negative way.
To explain this further, there are a few important things to know about me. Firstly, I’m someone who is incapable of caring about others. I’m not someone who hates or dislikes people, but I’m someone who has never been able to honestly love someone, or care about anyone, be it friends, family, or a lover. Everyone means the same thing to me, like how you would think of a strange you’ve never met. They exist, but you don’t really have much to say or feel about them. I’m also someone who wants to see things clearly, as well as be honest and true to who I really am. This means that I’m not going to lie or pretend, for the sake of others. It wouldn’t be right to them, and it would only make things worse for both parties, wasting my time also.
Because of this, I try to stay away from people as much as possible, but the problem is that one can’t simply isolate oneself in this kind of world. If I want to continue existing, I will have to interact with others, affecting their lives as they affect mine. It’s unnatural for people to see someone and be okay with them being alone, people always try to be friends and include others, even if it’s shallow, be it where you study, work, or live. And then there’s family. Even separating myself from them isn’t enough. People really care about family, a factor outside of our control. It doesn’t matter what I do or where I go, they will still be my biological family, and they will still bring meaning to that. If I stay away then they will probably worry about me and think about me even if I wish for them to forget me and move on.
This is all a kind of cycle of ugliness that gets worse as time goes on. Another thing about me is that I’m not someone who really has many goals or motivations, especially when it comes to the expected routes people expect us to take. I’ve never had any interest in the kind of jobs that people spend so much time studying for, nor have I really cared about even the simpler jobs, climbing up the ranks for experience to get a better job, or whatever it is that people do. I’m someone who just works part time and writes stories, not even really interested in getting my stories published or making money off of them, because I don’t want to worry about time constraints, so I can do them right. In general I’m a very unmotivated and unenergetic person, but I feel like my lack of ambitions also drags others down with me. People affect one another, especially “friends”, so the people I know probably would have had very different lives if a normal person where in their group instead of me. They would have conformed and all tried to do something with their lives, working or studying a lot and putting effort into life, rather than seeing me not care about any of it, and also not care much about their futures either.
This curse of my existence works in many ways, the next is group projects, not for anything work or study related, but for stories. Even I get lonely sometimes, so something I’ve thought a lot about in the past is the idea of having a writer or artist to work with stories on, maybe I will be able to find someone who I can truly care about, who will mean something to me. I’ve chatted with many people, and been in a few larger projects, but they all end the same way. They all look like they have potential at first, but then it just gets uglier and uglier, and eventually crumble into an awkward mess that should best be forgotton. I’m not someone who’s able to work with others on things like that, I guess I think too differently, and am missing things that would be important for them to work out.
But now for the reason I made this thread. I have a few things to ask you all, strangers of the internet. It’s probably pointless, not just for me, but for you, but I guess we made it this far. What should someone like this do? Do you think there would be others that have similar existences? Does anyone have anything to say about this?
And just to clarify, I’m not someone after comfort. I’m not interested in shallow delusions, like people blindly saying that I’m exaggerating and that it’s not that bad, or that things will get better, or whatever kind of hope you might try to give me. I only care about the truth, I’m not one who’s interested in “feeling better”. And lastly, thank you for reading this far. Some of you may make it to here with the best of intentions, wishing to help, but if you can’t, you can’t. It simply can’t be helped. I appreciate people with good intentions, but I guess that it’s something that anyone can do, whereas situations like this will have few people who can really do much about it. I thank you all for reading this, and apologise for wasting all of your time for the unrealistic gamble I have taken.

I would help you, but I'm not sure what words or things I could say that will help that's more easily said than done. You seem to believe that it will be difficult to find help and solutions for your situation, so your mind as already fixated on the difficulty of the task to help you, so it definitely will be hard for others to even try since your mind knows whatever they might say will barely have much of an effect on you.

Distract yourself from negative thoughts, whether it's spending time with people or not. Being distracted from sadness of course will make you feel better, although temporarily. Unless you distract yourself enough that you eventually forget about it.

I just reread what I said and it sounds like it was a bit demanding and harsh, but that's not what I meant to make it sound like.

I hope you feel better soon. Somehow, someway.