02-28-18

I don't know why I have decided to post here. I've been on this site for a long time, but never really posted much. I've replied to others as well as helped some people. Though I never really used this to express my feeling or thoughts to others before.

Though it has come to my attention that maybe it is what I need.

I try to find ways to express how I feel. Though art, music, even basic activities, but I can't seem to get a hold on the feelings that constantly keep me awake at night. I don't sleep much. I can't really eat much lately either. I still have drive to do things such as college, work, etc.

But I have bad days. When I walk around and see all these people laughing and smiling or even people that are angry or in some kind of distress. No person is ever constantly happy. That, I understand, but I feel that even when I try to push back this dreaded feeling or even when I am genuinely happy, it just sits in the back of my mind and festers. Then at this point I try to suppress it. Keep it out of sight and out of mind. This works for me sometimes, but in the end I always break.

Now I didn't come on here for advice. I've received more advice than anything else in my life. Sometimes it works. Other times it does not. I've decided I'd just use this to write about my days, and leave it here for everyone to see. You can reply or you can simply just read. Either way, I don't mind. I understand PERSONAL is full of people looking and asking for help. So take a few minutes to offer some advice. Or even just let them know you are there for them. Make new friends.

Or don't.

Sometimes the best thing is to not say anything at all.
Not a damn thing.

I'm Akira.

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I honestly don't even know why.

-Akira