So I am nineteen years of age. I bought a house with my mother and about a year in she moved in with her boyfriend and my brother of thirty years moved in with his son who is two. I don't mind that but he didn't pay anything for two years, all he does is complain about the house he only paid one month out of two years. Anyway. His son, my nephew is super duper attached to me and I just can't do it. He doesn't even want his leech dad as much as he wants me. The only time I don't spend time with that kid is when I'm asleep or using the bathroom. If I don't spend my time with him my brother says I'm a bad uncle. It's not my job to discipline HIS kid. He wants me to be power uncle yet when I actually do something he says I'm too stupid to handle it. Anyway about the attachment...I don't want to wake up and start playing. I don't like to play. I feel like I'm trapped in my own room. I'm not kidding, as soon as my door opens, the kid wants to genetically splice with me, he's so attached. I can't use the bathroom or leave the room without him crying, following me so he can bang on the door or screaming for me. I just can't do that kind of attachment. I love him, he's my nephew but I can't do that. Am I a bad person for not being able to handle that?

My mother moved out to live with her boyfriend*

Not necessarily, if your nephew is spending that much time with you, to the point of being addicted to you, then no. If you want to be free, try spending a few minutes less with him each time.

Example:

Week 1: 1 hour 30 minutes.
Week 2: 1 hour 25 minutes.
Etc.

Slowly but gradually lower the time spent together, to point that you are comfortable. That is what I can recommend for you.

Heya! I've worked at a daycare for 5 years and i know where you're coming from. I've had instances where i child didnt want to go home if i was around. I always had to sit the child down for a minute or two before they left willingly.
And over the years i've become very attached to these children.

But anyways. From what im hearing, it seems like your brother isnt doing his job as a parent properly. You cant let him talk you into thinking that you're a bad uncle.
Granted: a 2 y/o is very impressionable (in fact its one of the most important time periods for them development wise) but that isnt an excuse that his dad isnt doing his job right. You need to SIT YOUR BROTHER DOWN and make it CRYSTAL CLEAR that this is not a thing that can go on for too much longer. If your brothers relationship to his own son wont improve this is going to spell trouble when he's older and doesnt view his dad as his dad/authority figure/friend.

Yes.

It is important that you spend time with him from time to time but you are NOT the parent. If you absolutely have to, step out of the house for a few hours and spend it with friends. Make yourself unaccesible. If your nephew must cry so be it. He too must learn that you wont always be around!

If he cries, one out of 2 things need to happen:

1: Your nephew (lets call him max cause why not) needs to learn how to play by himself and learn how to be independent (no its not too early for a 2 y/o to learn independence, but someone SHOULD keep an eye on him just in case.)

2: Your brother/his dad needs to learn how to deal with it. As in learn how he can cheer him up. Be it playing with him or distracting him (but NO SWEETS to cheer him up. That can lead to problems later on aswell if youre not careful)


Again, as an uncle it IS your job to entertain him from time to time and teach him about the world (like things that his dad wont discuss with him when that time comes).
But it is NOT your duty to act as a surrogate parent.


Also note: These are just opinions i have formed after attending the vocational school for 3 years and working at the daycare for 5 years straight. Take this as you will. But i DO hope it'll work out for you soon!

Much love and regards,

Alan S.

I feel like throwing them out already. He says he deals with me but it's the complete fucking opposite. I deal with him, his problems and I'm just the stupid emotional punching bag uncle. I hate feeling like this but I can't stand him and his shitty, bitchy mood all the damn time. He complains about the messes he makes, all the dishes (which I don't even cook, or use dishes. I buy all packaged food) about having to clean up after his kid, he acted like he would die when he had to pay $200. He still owes $600 and I doubt it'll never show up. He said he was sick of my cat and all it's mess. I felt like telling him I'm sick of you. I've really thought long and hard about throwing his ass out already. He complained about having to jump my car twice and bitches over just about everything. From PAPERCLIPS fucking paperclips to how my room isn't clean. He doesn't go into my room, no one is allowed in my room period, not even my closest friend. I try to talk with my mom but she's more two faced than a fucking coin.

Hey,ok first of all no you're not a bad person for not being able to handle that because damn if I were you I would've already gone crazy in that house and have moved out. I think you should really have a chat with your uncle about this situation because even though he's your nephew you can't just spend your entire time with him like you also have your own life afterall you're just a teenager. What happens when you go to school? He can't just tag along can he? And if your uncle doesn't listen to you try talking to your mom because this situation of your is ridiculous and you need to tell her how he's occupying your entire free time and privacy.

honestly he sounds lonely and like he has had a shit family life. maybe help him find his own friends and encourage him to join an activity. Don't spend more time in the house than you have to. more or less is a toxic environment that must be super depressing.

I really appreciate the advice you've all given me. I think I'm just depressed out of my little noodle. Infailed my 11th and 12th grade year and had to do an extra year. I just now found out I have less than a month to finish 2 full credit classes and I can't do it...After all this time, effort an energy I still fail. It really bothers me, knowing I was so damn stupid. I think I just want out.

I haven't cried in years...but now. It's all I seem to want to do. I was supposed to be the first of my brothers to graduate highschool and I can't even do that. I can barely keep my fucking head on track. I hate it. I hate it all.

Hang in there, man. Sounds like the root of your problems are coming from your brother, who really should be pulling more weight than he is. It's your house and if he isn't doing his share of the work or at least some gratitude, then he doesn't deserve you, your time or your space.

I can empathise where the kid is concerned; too much time with anyone, much less a tiny human prone to crying and screaming, can get on anyone's nerves. In saying that, I do believe there's a reason he's attached to you and it's likely because he knows you're a good person, especially since he's probably seen what a bad person is (ie. his father).

>>14 I must agree wholly.

You are not a bad person for getting annoyed at something that could piss anyone off. The child attaches himself to you because between you and his blood father, you are the closest thing he probably has to a real dad. He wants to be around you due to the fact that you love him and give him the attention that he craves from other people. You are, in the simplest terms, his dad. He thinks of you as his father more than his own flesh and blood. You support him, and comfort him, and give him what every child needs in their young lives; love.

As for your brother, I must say, if he won't do anything to pitch in, then you need to address this fact when the boy isn't around. It is imperative that you speak with him on this matter, otherwise it will progressively get worse. He's essentially leaching off of you. You don't have to tolerate that in him, even if he's your brother. He's having you raise his child for him, pay for his shelter, and probably feed him with nothing in return. That is not fair to you. You are his flesh and blood, he should not be doing this to you of all people.

You should start by just asking him to help pay for the house and pitch in with the food money. If he agrees then slowly work your way up to having him help with HIS son. If he can't handle that, then tell him the truth. Sometimes, the first thing someone NEEDS to hear, is the last thing they WANT to hear. So, if he declines this attempt at a deal of sorts, then tell him outright what the problem is. Tell him that if he doesn't help, then he will have to do something else.

No one deserves this from him, but particularly you. You're his brother, he should be trying to do anything in his power to help you, not make your life miserable. If he can't do that, then flickers is right, he doesn't deserve you, your time, or your space.

Tell your brother if he doesn't pay his share of the rent and get off his lazy ass, he'll get kicked out of the house.