Hey. Sorry i'm not really used to social media so if you guys could bear with me. Sorry for a long article. Sorry for grammar.

I'm in high school and I haven't gone to school for like a month. This is the forth week. I don't know why. Three weeks ago I couldn't do my school work or write. (I'm a writer in my down time). I suffer from post post-traumatic stress disorder, stress and anxiety (Same category I know).

Background info:
I got it from my child hood. From the age of five, I was getting into arguments with my dad almost everyday. He's a drug attic, alcoholic, and a drug dealer, from as long as I can remember. Constant fight, argument's getting worse as I grew up. I also lived with my twin and mother. My father never hit me or my twin. He was manipulative, mental and emotionally abusive. Only me and him argued and it was bad. My mother tried to calm things down but I dared to never give up. My father never understood what abuse he was doing to me, that's because he suffers from five mental illness. (IDK what). The types of illness where some mornings I woke up to find him awake holding a knife in his hand staring at the wall. He did that a lot. He never ate or slept for days. Some days I find blood on the floor and sink. Because he was cutting himself. That's what happened the last two years he was with my family. Around my mother's birthday was the worst (Thank's giving). We cursed, I even left without eating, he even broke two doors because of me. One time chasing after me when I went into the room. I can't love him. He drove my sister between the borders of sane and insane. She was cutting herself, because she couldn't handle it. Then we filed a TRO (Temporary Restraining order). After her fled the Island to go run to the U.S. (I live in Hawaii). Never seen him for 2 years. He calls because he's constantly in and out of hospital for infections from cutting himself. But he doesn't like me or my twin because we took away his wife, when really my mom figured out who was more important. Things really changed.
During the last two years of my Dad, I fell in love. And that person loved me, everyone knew. He's a problem kid, grumpy, troublesome, and a smart-ass. [Excuse me for Language]. But when he's with me, he's someone else. Kind, caring, protective, cheerful, and funny. His mother thought he was going to fail that first year when I was with him. But instead he was straight B's, maybe it had something to do with him being in five of my seven classes. He sat next to me and we worked together, till towards the end of that first year he started to ignore me. I was told that was because he realized he like me. The next year things were still the same between us. Then I had a best-friend, and became friends with another boy. He was also a trouble maker, but also the class reject. In the beginning my crush hung around me before noticing my attention going to some else. Then he backed away again. Jealous I guess. I can't blame him ether. I hung out with my only two friends I had, who would hang out with me. (My twin was home school because of her mental illness). Sometimes my best friend hung out with the people who bullied me. And well my friend just abandon me. And my crush was never there, even though he cared. I caught him staring and watching me a few times. The next year I found out my best friend left to the main land without telling me. My friend going through his stupid phase. And my crush in a different world. My twin was still gone, so a lot of the time you would see me by myself. If I was desperate I would hang out with the people who bullied me. I didn't get involved with they're drama. I only wanted to sit next to people to feel like I had company. My friend made a joke about my sister being a couple with the class flirt/pervert. So I hit him to the point we he fell to the ground. No doubt he got a bruise. (I'm the type of student well behaved. Never in trouble. All b's). Also short tempered when it comes to love ones. I was surprised I wasn't written up, by the teacher who saw everything. My classmate who hated him even ganged up on him. I didn't tell them to. I just couldn't control they're actions. So we stopped being friends. I bet my crush was happy. Even after he (class reject/ex friend), was still nice to me.
The next year my best friend move all the way from L.A for me. So she came back. Things were great, even between my crush and I. But then my crush was asking for money to by a mod (Vaping thing). I actually brought the money but didn't give it to him. I didn't want to be responsible for getting him or his family in trouble. The very next day I declined I got into my first argument with my best friend. It was over the matter of my sister even coming to school. My sister has actually been coming to school and was doing well. She just had a hard time dealing with my crush, because of the whole mod thing which reminder her of our dad. She never found out about the money thing till weeks later when I was just skipping school due to depression. I couldn't understand why my BFF would do that to me. And let say she wouldn't hear me out, she even ignored me for a few hours. After I knew I should never talk to her about personal matters. To tell the truth she told me once before to never bring up my problems because it reminded her of her own.
After I was just lost. I lost my crush, and my Bff. My crush brought back memories of my father that I hoped I forgot about. So The one person who came to make me smile was my ex-friend. Now were friends, I can say he's like my best friend. Next school year he's going to a private school to purse his dreams to be a swimmer. He apologizes for what he said about my sister, and he regretted hurting me. And forgave me hen I hit him. I even talked bad about him, and he still forgave me. (Now I don't do those things to him). He told me to tell him anything, so I told him what I wanted him to hear. Coming to find out he never liked my Bff or crush, he never got along with them. (Which isn't surprising).
My bff stopped talking to me, looking at me and stopped wearing our bff necklace, and even speaking my name. So I guess it mean were not friends. I went to an adult to fix the problem, only for her to turn it down. With my crush well haven't seen him for a month or so. He's been constantly absent for this school year. My friend has been worried about me and we haven't seen each other for a few days. (Only person who keeps in contact with me).

Now:
Haven't done any homework since the semester started. I'm not motivated, even if I force myself my brain becomes scrambled and refuses to think. So yeah. The last I knew grade was 0's. And I've been absent for almost half of the school year. I go to therapy in two day, so only then will I find out what next maybe. Sorry if it's hard to understand this entire thing. Please don't pity me either. Truth be told I don't even know why i'm writing this.

Thanks for reading.
I'll update you guys in a few days.

Also I meant to add it like everything about school that I cared about the grades, attendance I don't care anymore about. My mind tells me I should be worried but my heart feels un-phased. I don't feel sad but I don't feel much of anything now.

Try focusing more on the things you enjoy, find a creative outlet like art, music or writing just anything, do it whenever you feel sad.

High school isn't all that important, try to take better care of your mental/physical health and then worry about going back to it if you want to.

It might also be worth going to a counsellor/psychologist.

I know things look pretty bad now, but it'll pass and get better. So just try and take better care of yourself, getting sleep, eating right. Stuff like that.
Try not to worry about what other people are doing and do your thing.