Kind of embarrassed to ask this to any family member or whatever, and asking online seems to be a bit more concise and informative. Anyway!

I need friends. I've moved away from my hometown about.. 4 years ago, and, I haven't met a single person, yet. Day in, day out. I just don't find the appeal of socializing appealing. I'm no hermit, I get outside, but it's just for myself to get some fresh air, exercise, etc.

I've been fairing pretty well so far, but lately I've been feeling a little depressed, and I was suggested "Sounds like you need friends lol." And hey, maybe they're right. No, they're more than likely right. 4 years and no friends is a bit of a problem.

But, the problem lies in the fact in me not knowing.. How. I dress pretty shabby, since I more or less live by the philosophy of "I'm never gonna see any of these people again in my life, so no need to impress them."

Not a good mindset for friend making, from what I see. So, what do I do? I heard I have to be "out-going" or whatever, but, I dunno how to be like that without coming off like the crazy person at your local bus stop. You know the one.

I've no clue on how to converse naturally outside of my customer service voice, but, I'd like to actually.. Talk to them, down to Earth type of deal, y'feel? I just.. Don't know how- Yeah yeah, you get the point. I wanna make friends, but I have zero experience in socializing. Bam. Whole essay you've been reading summed up.

I'd appreciate any sort of advice, since I'm not exaggerating when I say that I'm beyond awkward in public settings and have no act-natural bone in my body. This ain't some high school awkward deal, I'm almost 21 and stuck with my books and pets. I need some help here, people. Please.

Well, first of all, you have pets right? So you're not totally alone. And, if you're not good at socialising, why not try to practice online. Like here? There was a time when I was so lonely that I resorted to looking for friends online. Most of them I've only talked to once, but there were a few that stuck around for a while. (though of course be careful with that, there can be some real shady people online, just look at Izaya!)

I'm not saying that that would solve the issue. Having friends in real life, I think, is what you're saying you want to have. Simply, it will probably make you less lonely and it could potentially give you the confidence to actually communicate to others in real life.

Also, about the dressing shabbily. I understand dressing comfortably, but I don't think you should dress so shabbily that you look like a hobo (I'm not saying you do though). Not for the reason of wanting to impress others but for yourself. Do you know the saying "fake it till you make it". Well, basically, by acting confident, you'll eventually gain confidence.

I'm not sure if what I'm trying to get at is coming across right. But, I personally believe that dressing nicely for yourself can give you a better image of yourself. Like, if I look good, I'll feel good. And maybe if you feel good, you'll feel more confident to talk to people and find friends.

Oh, and also, about talking naturally, well, it really shouldn't be something you should worry too much about. To start a conversation is as easy as simply saying hello and have it go from there. A lot of the times I have no idea what to say afterwards and I simply say so. Try finding a common ground, common interest. Ask what they like to do for fun, and then tell them yours. Once you find someone who has a common interest as you, it'd be way easier to talk to them, because you have something you actually want to talk about.

Try talking about books if you find someone who likes reading. Talk about your pets to someone who likes animals.

I really hope this could help. But hey, I'd like to be your friend :)

And I had no friends for a long time.
Because I went to school I was able to find myself.
At first I did not know how to deal with them.
when you meet a person be yourself, but you are not
tedious because you will drive him out. Please be nice and try to know him.
You can learn a lot about the friendship of the Yi-gi-oh anime! and Naruto. If I have not been able to help you or have any questions.

you seem like the kind of person i would hang with too bad your not by me

Oh, geez. I was hoping for at least a single reply, but look at this! Before anything, thank you! You really didn't have to.

Well, for starters, I did have a group of online friends. Still do, kinda? But like most, we're kinda falling apart. And while they were probably the reason I didn't go mad living isolated for years, it's kinda interesting to see how it shaped me. I developed a personality online, and solely online. To a kind of persona that would be hard to keep consistent irl for me, if that makes sense. No balance between online ease of speaking and real life's speaking.

I would be stuttering and forget half the words I wanted to say if we were talking face to face, I guess is what I'm saying.

And as for dressing, I like to think I dress with an image that says I'm not homeless. ..I hope. But, if I had to explain it, I'd say I lack of a definitive style. Gray pants, solid color shirts and jackets, or basically whatever's not in the wash. But it's an interesting point of dressing to build confidence, tbh it never occurred to me. And it wouldn't hurt to coordinate clothes a bit.

And talking is my most dreaded task. I'd think most people could get over that fear with experiences in public speaking, or just consistent environments that required social attention. But me? I've flown under the radar of events, family reunions, weddings, parties, etc for yeeears. No one saw me. But hey, I wasn't complaining in the slightest at the time.
And my inability to actually articulate thoughts aside, what grips me most I would say is the variables of what happens after the Hellos. I get caught off guard waaaay too much, and a smooth recovery will be a draw of the straw.

But hey! Don't think I'm dismissing what you've told me in the slightest. I deeply appreciate your advice and I will definitely use it in my efforts going forward! A start is a start, if nothing else. And if all goes South, I can walk away with at least the experience of it all.

Bottom line is thank you guys very much, though! I'm glad I could come here and get understanding and helpful responses. It means a lot!

>>5

there is other way to help you to not feel alone since i guess you said you work in customer service, you can try playing video games on your PC and join these discord chats where you can meet online people who play the same game as you.

it would be fun to play and talk while playing with people , it would help you to talk normal and make friends online.

PS.i just woke up so my brain isnt working atm , i wanted to reply to this earlier but i keep forgetting

if you need more help send me an email EasternDollars@gmail.com

>>5 Its no problem, I just hope that it would help you :)

Well, its normal, I think, to develop a "different" personality online. Its actually normal to have a "different" personality for any different setting actually. With work and with friends for example.

Articulating can be hard, but I'm sure there are people who wouldn't diss you because of it. How about try and see if you can talk to an online friend you've known for a while, like in Skype or something like it? Explain your situation, and if they are really your friend then they would be patient and allow you to be comfortable enough to be able to speak your mind comfortably around them :)

Haha, well that's good. You just dress comfortably then. You don't need to focus so much on it though, just try to dress a little nicer every once in a while, like I said before, for yourself. Dress in a way that would make you feel good about yourself ^-^

Well, the confidence to speak up is something that has to be worked on. Some just has to work on it less, like with any other skill. Don't worry too much on it, I'm sure you'll be able to improve if you really try. Its not too late to start (its only too late once you're dead :p)

Caught off guard how though? And are smooth recoveries really all that necessary? I understand its awkward, but its not like awkwardness is the end of the world, really it isn't. Awkward moments, embarrassing moments, it happens to all of us, but we all have to learn that we can get past them.

That's the spirit! Good luck! :)

I was thinking what advice would be good for you, I'm trying to apply your situation to mine but it doesn't really do much you good since we are different. I guess you're a bit extreme, then again I don't really see anything bad about being alone. But if you want to socialize more IRL then you better up your game.

I would suggest an Offline meetup with anyone of your online friends. It'd be much easier for you since you already talked online. Not like a real life stranger from the getgo where you don't even know what to talk about.

Clothing is not really an issue, just dressed up normally and wear clothes that makes you comfortable. I'm guessing you're thinking of "First Impressions" but I don't think any person wouldn't want to talk to you just because of the way you dress. even "homeless people" gets to have proper conversation from time to time.

This reply maybe a bit late but anyway, Good Luck and Good Day.

Ah, so maybe the clothing thing was an overthinking mistake on my part. I dunno, I guess I just seem standoffish when just out in public. I try not to look it, but I can't really help it as I am.

And I would definitely love to schedule an offline meet up, but my friends are all in the opposite corners of the US. Blegh.

But! Won't let that get me down. I dunno when I'll make the move, and tbh forcing it might not work out. Maybe it will. Thoughts? For now I'll just.. Be more active? Maybe chill in one of the many book stores and shops I love to buy from instead of in my room. Like how do you even instigate a conversation? I know it doesn't just 'happen' like movies, so do you gotta work for it and just get over yourself and do it? I dunno.

I'm terrible when it comes to socializing, and I'm never the one to start a conversation. Most people I know are from work, so maybe volunteer somewhere? If you're in school, join a club? You don't necessarily have to start the conversation yourself, at some point someone will probably come talk to you.

You can also spent time in area's where you'll meet people with similar interests as you. There's a comic book shop by my house, I've had a few people talk to me, about what comic's I like (I've even had someone ask me to help find a gift for their cousin). That might make you more comfortable, since you're in an area you know, and any conversation will most likely involve a topic you're familiar with.

Also if there's a small shop, or restaurant near you, the staff might start to recognize you and talk to you if go their often enough.

I stutter when talking face to face too, and jumble my words together, I'm pretty embarrassed about it, but I honestly think it's just me. I don't think most people care. So try not to worry too much about that.

I'm not very good at giving advice, but I hope this helped at lest a little.

P.S. When talking to some one you can also bring up that you're shy. Most people will understand, and sometimes it makes the conversation easier.

>>9 It's like you're embarking on an adventure or something haha. Kudos! Pretty cool that you've summoned the courage to act instead of sitting beside yourself in worry. Cheering you on all the way!

It's not a sure fire technique but if spending time in those bookstores and shops help you step out just a bit, it's still ways ahead in the long run. Think of it as your home turf! Also, striking a conversation with a random stranger doesn't always work but there are times, albeit rarely but not impossible, when there's just enough to work a common point of interest (like if they're holding an interesting book or wearing a themed shirt you're familiar with). So a simple: "Hey, sorry to bother you but I just had to say ..." never hurt anyone! And if nothing happens, at least you made someone feel good or 'almost' feel good. Hahaha. Gosh life's full of these bloopers.

A personal opinion that I hope adds value: More than a person's clothes or look, I do find that I'm more drawn to people who are genuinely interested in other people. And I hope you've encountered one or two people like this in your life! If not, you could always be that person. ;)

Update us with your adventures and misadventures! I'm sure all this will be absolute fun to look back on. Heck you could even be, and forgive me for the anime reference, like IRL Sawako from Kimi no Todoke.

All the best!