I'm Mizu, and you don't know me. But I came here in search of some sort of advice. Things aren't going very well, and The Dollars are what I've come to for the last few years to escape when something was wrong. But this time I'm going to say something, not just pretend I'm okay. This past year has been rough. And no, my parents didn't get divorced, nothing like that. I won't disclose any details but please trust me when I say this has been so hard... tonight pushed me over the edge. Someone I know told me they were going to kill themselves and had me spamming them, up for hours trying to get them not to, to get them to stay, and then texted me an hour later saying they just decided not to go through with it. I have a history with suicide and self harm and let me just say I was not ready to lose another person. So...I blew up at them. They kept saying things like "I know you don't want to talk to me anymore" and I never said that, they put words into my mouth. Then I told them to stop assuming, and they said they were going back to sleep so I'll stop hurting them. So apparently I hurt them. Yet still, all I want is to make people happy. I wanted to make this person happy, and I know that's not how depression works, but I just feel so disregarded. I've always felt so disregarded. Please offer your input, I feel kind of pointless. Like I don't even have a purpose. Thank you.

~Mizu

Of course you have a purpose! I've kinda struggled with the same thing, and while it's not as deep as your experience, I have had times where I felt that there was no point in living. However, you'll find it. I promise you that. My brief depression stemmed from not doing well in areas I had pride in, to slowly believing that all my friends were fake and didn't care about me at all. But that's not true! Your mind right now is clouded by self-doubt and confusion, and everyone has these stages where they figure out what their purpose is in the world. But for right now, don't worry about that. Right now, focus on what you can do, step by step, to improve. And once you start to focus and develop your skills, you'll see. You'll see the true worth and weight of your existence in this world, even in the smallest things. Have hope, and I wish the best for you!