It's either this or jumping off a roof.

I have been putting off a research for over a year and the final defense is in 4 hours.

I need to get sick, I don't even care if it's mild food poisoning at this rate or diarrhea. ANYTHING! I've tried throwing ice cold water on myself and letting it dry outside in the cold winter night.

I've consumed all sorts of foods all in one go: ice cream, garlic powder, cinnamon powder, vodka, 2 litres of milk and a litre of cola. I don't even know what I'm doing. Any suggestions?

I won't do this all the time, to ruin my health on purpose I mean, but I just really need it just this once. Please help out.

Just fake vomit

Shoot yourself in the eye or maybe just don't put stuff of in the future.

Procrastination can't save you now...

First, I hope you're okay and second, please, stop it. Your body is as important as your mental health and since both seem pretty in danger, I advise you to talk to someone (a specialist, or hey, even me with my shitty english language, if you want to)

You know you need a doctor's note confirming how sick you are. I'm also assuming this research is for a PhD, since all other research stuff is due at the end of a semester, not the beginning.

Main lesson you learned is don't procrastinate. You might be able to get a reprieve of sorts, of course there would be a penalty too. I don't know how the phd process is either.