As the title says. This is just a little bit of a rant and a complain with various different problems I have. Feel free to ignore this, attempt to troll it, reply to it, I don't really care what you guys do. I just feel like typing a few problems I have out and seeing how you all react really. I half hope some people try posing solutions, but I doubt many will.

First of all, this will probably sound very, childish. Go ahead. Sue me.


It's been a while since I felt anything enough to call it a proper feeling, other than anger that is but I don't count that anymore. I've been attempting to find the reasons why I can't really feel anything anymore, but I can't find anything. I'm thinking the main reason might be my lack of will to do literally anything, but I'm not sure. Is that a bad thing? Is it a bad thing to barely have any will to do anything? Including things like eat, drink, school, fitness, sleep, wake up, anything really? Is that a bad thing?

But onto a different topic, relating to my lack of feelings. Could they be caused by excessive stress? Has anyone else here ever felt so stressed, or angry, or pressured, or bullied or anything like that, that your emotions just fade for a while? And you just stop feeling the stress, anger, pressure, and everything else? You just feel kind of numb, like you've retreated inside yourself? Or is that just me?


This turned into more of a ramble then I thought it would be. Sorry guys and gals. I was just kind of on autopilot. There is a few questions there, feel free to answer them if you want. I don't mind if you ignore this entirely.

P.S. If too many people start trolling this thread, just ignore it. Let it fade away out of sight, and yeah. Later.

Sounds like depression is numbing your other emotions. Anger is a very strong one that seems to surface in your case.

>>1 Sid, I watch you for a longer time now and I realized that you have a big problem with yourself. You feel offended when somebody thinks differently immediately and then you justify your point of view and even when the other person is really right you still think that you are right and they are wrong. This is no problem but it means that you are afraid of loosing. You made this fight with other Dollars in the haiko thread and this was annoying really! Do you remember? This was similar situation and you didnt wanted to loose and continued the fight over and over again.
You have no self confidence? I think so. You portraiyed yourself very ruff on random and other boards and said often that you like to kill and that you are a psychopath in the games. I think you want to be strong but you are not very strong atm. You have problems atm? I think so. Maybe your situation at home, school, job changes and you dont know how to deal with it? You can learn to deal with it when you know what your problem is. Yes stress can make us numb and angrey. I feel so also.
Sorry the English is bad. I think you will be better when your problematical situation is over. Good luck!

>>2 What the heck? I'm guessing you are a troll or making huge assumptions. Or did you mean Snyper?

>>1
I kept it short, as I was in the same state. I was depressed and it numbed my other emotions. I was by no means slandering or anything, but offering my own experiences. I just didn't go into detail, as they didn't really ask for much input either.

>>2
I have matured and dealt with my past problems. They stem from being abused and told that I was a piece of shit day in and day out by my dad. I am going to college to become an electrical engineer and to help design quantum processors. It took me a while to deal with all of my problems too, but by no means would I ever revert back to my teenage mentality.

Haiko thread? The lionheart dude? Or the programming god dude? The reason why I was aggressive with lionheart was due to him taking suicide very lightly and he wasn't truly suicidal. I was suicidal and had suicidal friends, it is not something to throw around casually. As for the programming god dude he was a bot or attempting to be a bot and offensively insulting others knowledge/intellect. Other than those 2 threads I wasn't really aggressive towards anyone. There is a big difference when I am trying to explore alternatives, or ways to help, opposed to slandering and being aggressive.

Also I am not the best at phrasing things and try to make others see things from my point of view, I do push that idealogy of seeing things from multiple perspectives too. But by seeing things from multiple perspectives does one really learn more of the situation.

I am still so confused lol.

>>4 Sorry! I mean Snyper! I think I read your name in >>2 than I wrote Sid! Very sorry!!!

>>5 haha you're fine I was just super confused lol. Sorry if I phrased stuff badly too.

Yeah I guess I feel the same, like all my emotions are gone and I’m on autopilot. Like I can’t control my actions unless I want to, like someone else is controlling me and all I do is sit there...

I will admit. I didn't expect this many responses. But I'm happy to know that three people read this and replied. If I could feel it.
And now for the section I'm an asshole. If you think of it that way. I'll explain why I'm typing this in a moment. Also, this is replies to everyone. (Gonna be another long one. Sorry.)

>>2 and >>4 first. Depression may be a cause. In the past, I was diagnosed with depression, but my psych said that it was minor (apparently) and that I didn't suffer from any other mental diseases (because hearing voices in your head that no one else can hear isn't a mental disease apparently). So it may be that, but I highly doubt it. I mean, do I act like I'm depressed? But thanks for replying. You can feel free to go into detail if you want. I really don't mind if you do or don't. It's your choice in the end.

>>3 next. To start with, saying you've watched me for a long time is kind of creepy. In a way. Besides, you could of only watched me for like, a month or two. That isn't really very long if you think about it.
I'm sorry, but I need to correct a few things about what you said. First of all, I don't have a big problem with myself. I don't really give a single flying f*ck about my self to be honest. I don't feel offended when someone thinks differently at all, I accept that perfectly well. I simply dislike when someone attempts to challenge my personal beliefs. If you believe something, and cannot back it up properly, or refuse to accept what the other person is saying, then I will "justify my point of view" until they either accept that I think differently, or join me in my thinking. In everything I have "argued" about on this BBS, it hasn't been solid. It has been something that there can be various views on. Therefore, there is no right, and there is no wrong. Frankly, there is not a single person on this planet that has the right to say that what I believe is wrong. No one. And I am not afraid of losing at all. I have said numerous times, that if someone can prove something to me, I will accept it, and apologise for any mistakes I have made. It simply shows that what I believed may have offended others in some way, or been incorrect. And the discussion in the Haiku thread wasn't a fight, it was a discussion in which the other person refused to realise that there is many ways of saying different words. And also, it lasted like, 10 posts. Maybe 15 max.
Regarding my posts on "random and other boards" I cannot think of one time I have posted something where I directly say, While speaking of myself and not the game, that I like to kill and that I am a psychopath. I am only 50% psychopath thank you very much.
I know I am weak, and I fail to give a sh*t. Because at the same time, I am one of the strongest people I know.
I am very well aware I have problems, that is why I posted here. I literally said that I lack the will to do anything, including deal with anything, or even feel anything.

>>7 last. Thanks for replying. I know how you feel, but my life isn't someone else's to control. I can control it myself. I just lack the will to.

I apologise, that was even longer than I thought it would be, and majorly more assholey.
But frankly, I couldn't really care. Being perfectly honest. Yeah, I know I'm an asshole. Yeah, I'm aware that most people don't like me. Yeah, I'm aware that I make enemies easily. Yeah, I admit that I like to manipulate people into doing what I want.
Frankly. I just don't care. I fail to see why I should care about others opinions at all, to be honest.

Apologies again.

Go ahead. Sue me for having an opinion.

I did not realise that I typed that much. Damn.

Depression affects people differently too. My case was an extreme case of depression, but I wasn't diagnosed. As I said before I was abused by my dad and that had some negative effects on me throughout my early life. I viewed the human race in a very nenegative way and I wanted to kill off as much people as possible with bio weapons lol. I was a psychopath at the time since I wanted to end a lot of people's lives, and I thought of multiple ways to do so.

I never felt the emotion of love before I started to deal with my problems either. I did hold hatred for others though. The depression drowned out my other emotions, even when my anger was gone. I think I had minor depression then, but only after I was completely free of depression did my other emotions surface.

I wrote a lot, sort of like a journal, to understand and get to know myself and problems. It helped me organize my thoughts a lot more and to explore why some of them surfaced.

i can relate, it felt weird (like the bad type of weird) not feeling anything, but somewhere along the line i concluded that mayb its a natural defense mechanism we all have, so i guess not feeling anything when under stress is normal( and boredom or general done-ness with life can be a source of stress too so yea) its what makes us human :3 ~