In 2015, I had moved to a new state. Only one state over. My older brother had got me to play an online game so that way we would do stuff together. I ended up meeting his friend. The first thing he ever heard from me was a sneeze (I was shy and quiet on skype). He thought it was so cute and started making it a point to talk to me. He was in a bad relationship at the time and I made him happy. (his boyfriend threatened to kill himself if he left). I felt that maybe I was getting in the way of them but he explained that it was actually over for a long time. The other guy just couldn't let go.

Eventually, we started dating (I was skeptical for a while bc he was with a male and I'm a female and eventually gave him a chance). Since it was long distance, we would fall asleep talking on the phone late at night. One day, he told me he loved me and always has. That he fell in love with my sneeze. Towards the end of the year, we would go visit the other. When we got engaged, my stepmother was upset (he wasn't rich)and tried to kick him out when she had found out we were engaged. Saying he didn't have good looks and didn't see why I was into him. She also called me easy. My dad hid in the next room with the tv on full blast so my fiance couldn't hear the fight. She told me I either focus on college and stay single while living there or leave. I left.

We moved in together. He was living with his mom to help her pay her bills. In 2016 I got pregnant. At about 7 weeks, I lost the baby. It hit us hard. My dad told me it was for the best and my mom told my fiance that he had to be strong for me. I felt that since they went through a miscarriage before having me, that they should understand how much it hurt and that we needed each other. I told him to ignore what my mom said because he didn't have to act like he was made out of stone.

A few months later, we decided to get just go ahead and get married. We had a small ceremony and it was lovely. About 3-4 months later we were able to move into our own place and his mom would be ok on her own. We struggled a bit off and on with money due to him having to change jobs a few times. (stress, not enough off time, too far away, not enough money, etc.)

Eventually, he found a job really close to home and it paid enough. However, not long after celebrating a year of marriage. Maybe a month or two after, we decided to start playing the game we met on again. I made two friends. I had vaguely told him about them but they never met until one day in the game one said I was pretty when I walked up to him. My husband got instantly protective and told him to watch it and my friend explained that he was into guys (both friends are). We started playing with my friends and I noticed that (let's call him Len) len was sticking to my husband's side quite a bit. It was at a point that when I would go to bed, my husband would stay up and play with Len.

I didn't think much of it. I trusted my husband and would kiss him goodnight, saying "I know you won't let anything go too far."

I was wrong. Len started asking pictures of things only I should see. After being constantly pestered, my husband sent two. Len then began to send some back. And kept sending some back. They both eventually began to care about each other. I felt something was up, but I trusted my husband. After all, he was cheated on before and told me if I ever cheated, he would leave me because I knew someone hurt him before like that.

Eventually, he told me he loved Len. He said he kept trying to drop hints but I wasn't picking them up. In complete shock, I just said, "oh okay.. that's fine." Withing a few minutes I got up and went into another room where everything hit me at once. I told him I wanted to be the only one but after so many emotional days, I felt drained. I felt numb and tired and didn't want to deal with it anymore. I told them it was ok and that I didn't care.

Len immediately stopped talking to my husband. But would talk to me. I did not know and when my husband confronted Len, Len stopped talking to me too. After days of not saying anything, my husband ended it saying he didn't want to play games. However, he was still heartbroken. I comforted him. After he was ok, I told him I was never ok with it. That I got to a point that everything was numb and I didn't care anymore. And that I was actually a bit relieved it was over but upset because the love of my life was hurt.

Later on, we filled my other friend (we'll call him Kaito) on what happened. We continued to play with him and if Len tried to start stuff in game, Kaito was there for us. However, Kaito and my husband began to talk a lot. They still do. My husband talks to Kaito like he did Len. Staying up late on the game, made his own private chat in game, message each other on discord. My husband will talk to him if I am near him or not, if he's driving or not, if he's at work or not, if we are spending time together and if we are snuggling and about to go to sleep, if Kaito messages him, my husband will turn away from me to respond.

They apparently role play. Supposedly they are their characters but at no point do they use their characters names. it's more of " I love you baby *kisses*" and goes into more detail than that...

It's to a point that I feel it affects our relationship, yet my husband argues it doesn't. He says he doesn't love me any less and that he cares for him but they could never be together bc it would ruin their friendship. Yet he also told me, if they met before he met me, he would have gone after Kaito.

I asked if we could take a break from the game and discord for a day or two so we could spend time together with no one else to interfere and he got upset.

I told him that the roleplay bothers me but all he says is that it isn't real and he's not going to leave me. But its more than that. I don't want him talking to anyone like that but me. And he doesn't even talk to me in that detail like he does Kaito. I told him this and yet he still feels nothing is wrong.

Kaito told him that he was scared I would make him go away. My husband told him that he wouldn't let that happen.

I don't know what to do anymore. He doesn't want to see a counselor and he doesn't want to stop. I don't want to leave him but I feel he isn't meeting me halfway. I hurt every day and it's to a point that I just want the pain to go away.

I forgot to say why he claims they roleplay.

My husband says it helps his urges to be with other guys.

However, I feel that he would rather talk and roleplay with Kaito more than spend time or do anything with me.

Midori-Chan you need to leave him he obviously doesnt care about your feelings and is not willing to change you shouldve left when he told Len he loved him and sent pictures.

Although it may seem hard at first you deserve better if you need someone to talk to my insta is sapphypie

I would leave him. This is no base for a relationship.

I don't have an insta but I will consider making one to talk to you if I feel its all to much and I need someone to turn to. Thank you for offering to be there for me.

I feel he does care because at one point he hugged me with tears in his eyes saying the face I made was one he never wanted to see. He said he could tell how bad I was hurt. But I think he's struggling to find a balance or something... if that makes sense..

In his old relationship, he wasn't allowed to be him. If his ex came by, there could be no games on or anything. When I first came over, he threw away everything he thought I wouldn't like to see. I explained to him he could open up and be him with me but maybe he lost control and acted on his desires? and maybe is at a point where he doesn't know what to do. The other day he told me he only cared about two people and never wanted anything to happen to them. I asked who and he said "you and Kaito".

More than anything we're both struggling on what to do. He knows its bothering me but doesn't understand why and I don't know what more I can do to make him see that.

I had talked to Kaito saying that my husband seemed distant and that sometimes it feels like I'm trying to avoid walking on eggshells. He told me its understandable and that he probably just needed space. My husband was at work and asked how i was. "I just talked to Kaito and I don't think it helped me at all. I will talk to you later about it because I don't want to stress you."

I knew he was talking to Kaito at work right after because it showed he was on discord and he wasnt before. So I went to his computer and read the messages. Kaito told him I said I felt like I was walking on glass and he felt I was stepping on it on purpose. That I wasn't trying hard enough and that he eventually needed to let me go when my husband was ready.

I feel Kaito is putting a bigger wedge in between us and I don't know how to stop it without losing my husband.. I want us to atleast try to work it out.. If it cant then I cant change that... but i want him to try..

After reading all of that you did nothing wrong. He's an asshole and doesn't truly love you. If he did he would go out of his way to make you happy and not make serious relationships with others.

I love my girlfriend and there are some people that come along in my life that I somewhat like, but I never crossed that line. I never try to pursue anything or even go out of my way to talk to them. I love my girlfriend too much.

Just by talking intimately with others is beyond that line. It shows that he doesn't truly love you and that he isn't satisfied with having just you. I don't think he knows what marriage is about, since he pursued intimate relationships. He didn't understand the vows of being with another for life.

He already cheated on you and is borderline doing it again. He shared pictures and had an intimate relationship and is going for another intimate relationship. Tell him to get his shit together or it's over. I woulda left him the first time, since that was cheating.

From my point of view it just seems that he's using a manipulating you to cover up his homosexual lifestyle. Just know that i'm here for you if you need anything xo

Thank you guys. I'm going to talk to him soon about everything. I'm going to tell him that whatever this thing is with Kaito needs to end. That I am his wife and if he loves me as much as he says, he should be only talking in such ways with me and only have that type of love for me. That he needs to be fully open with me instead of some guy on the internet that he has never even seen in rl or knows what he looks like.

Wish me luck guys. I'm kind of scared of how it will go.

the dollars will be with you, Midori. good luck

please keep us updated xo

Good luck Midori-san!! Stay strong ~

Chin up Midori!! FIGHT!

I read everything. Good luck! :)

Stay strong. We know u can do it!

Thank you guys for your support!

When he was getting ready to leave for work, I told him I needed to talk to him when he came home after work. He came home for lunch and asked what the talk was about so I told him the basic topics. He then insisted we talk now. I tried to tell I wanted to do so after but he didn't let up so I told him everything.

He didn't really comment on the fact I wanted the roleplay or whatever it is to stop, but more on that he's not as open with me because he doesn't want to stress me more. I told him that I'm his wife and it doesnt matter.

He then told me he felt like he ruined my life because I gave up college to be with him and that we are struggling time from time. He said it wasn't the life he promised me or wanted for me. And that even if he left me, it would make it worse because it would all have been for nothing.

I told him that he didn't. I made the choice to give it up. I made the choice to marry him even though we didn't have a lot of money. That I was with him because he made me happy and that I didn't want him to stay with me only because he felt guilty and that he had to. That I wanted him to be with me for the fact of wanting and loving me. He explained he wasn't with me or staying with for guilt and that he did in fact love me.

We didn't really get to discuss it more in detail due to his lunch not being that long. He hugged and kissed me goodbye and told me would talk more about it when he got home.

I'm hoping my words got through to him and that something will change for the better after we finish our talk.

Yes lets hope it got through to him!!