so this is right, right? life is given by god and we must accept it, right? whatever happens, we must accept it, right? it is what god wants, right? god wants that people kill each other, right? god wants that people are starving, right? god wants war, right? right?! no! hell no! fuck you! who believes this?! i want a new family and a new country pls! like really!

I don't know If you know the reason why religion exists.
If there is a god, I think he didn't want humans to do such pathetic things like the things we do. You are not the only one with those kind of problems, I promise. You need to accept it and fight for it, to get better. Life does not exist because of you. Life exists because you need to make this world to a better place. But if you don't do this, then you are nothing better than anybody else. Sorry

I don't actually know too. In our country, it's also treated as 'taboo' if you question things related to religion. And so I've been trying really hard to be "religious" like how my parents (and other people here) want me to be. But then I realized that you don't really have to do that. I mean sometimes I find myself wishing for something from the "greater one" but I think we humans are just designed to hope that an omnipotent someone actually has our back and has planned everything so we don't have to worry. And sometimes I even think that we're just making up excuses to make things look like they're going better than they actually really are (like they want to believe that things are going smoothly even everything actually sucks at the moment).