All my life I've been the outsider looking in at everyones normal life. I envied the bonds they had,the memories they made with friend's and lovers. They always seemed hapy while I felt so lonely inside. Then I met someone who I considered to be my best friend and for a while I felt like everything would be fine. But as soon as he found out what I felt inside he hated me and wanted nothing to do with me. I hated myself for it and I still do. Soon after everyone at the school would laugh at me. Then a guy came up to me and tired to be my friend. He told me not to worry about anything and he made me feel not alone. But after that when he got to know me he started to treat me differently. Slowly but surely he was trying to distance himself from me. Once again I destroyed another friendship that meant the world to me. Later on I graduated from high school and got my first job. There I met a guy who was kind to me and he invited me over to his place to hang out. We became close friends and his family too saw me as one of their one. His parents would call me the adopted son. But a few months later I to destroyed that friendship. His younger brother felt bad for me and talked to me. We got close and we texted we truly felt like we found our best friend for life. The one I can count on, the one I can talk to, the one to have my back. But today I now realize I destroyed this friendship to because of my loneliness and depression. Today I accepted that I'm no good for no one. Today I decided to just shut my mouth and suffer quietly. Until I die naturally or the desire to commit suicide becomes to much. Sorry Angel. I really did try to be normal, I really did try to be a good friend and even better brother.

Life is never easy. The only thing you have to do is be happy with yourself. Almost no one sticks around for a lifetime, it's pretty rare to have someone like that.

Once you are happy and confident in yourself you will make more friends too.

I honestly just want to commit suicide. I just want to die already. I destroyed everything.

Friendships rarely last. If they weren't ok with you being you f em.

I dont think it's as bad as you think. I lost some of my sanity from being abused as a kid. I was in a bad place and I wanted the world rid of the human race, or at least most of it. I read a book about biological warfare with the anthrax letters and smallpox and wanted to get my hands on some. I also wanted to shoot up the school I was going to. Needless to say I was suicidal too.

It took me time to come to terms with that part of myself. I made peace with my past and who I was back then. It took me years, but if I did it I think you can too. I also think there are many others that have/had it worse than me. I was just physically abused and degraded day in and day out throughout all of my childhood.

I have destroyed a lot of friendships in my past as well, whether it be loss of contact, being overwhelming, trying too hard, saying something cruel without realizing it, etc. It's always hard when I realize I've lost another one. I often feel alone in this world because nobody seems to understand me. When I think I find someone that does, I lose them. I could easily tell you just to keep trying and hang in there, but those are empty words, they don't help. I know from experience that after awhile, trying doesn't seem worth it. It seems like nobody will ever be there for you, and trying to find someone just hurts too much. I find my escape through means of watching anime, reading, listening to music, whatever I can do to avoid social interaction, and avoid the people I've hurt, and the people who have hurt me. I've been looking for someone who understands me, and you seem to be experiencing the same, or at least a similar problem. If you want a friend who might understand what you're feeling, contact me at hitsuji.dollars@gmail.com

I can completely understand what you're going through. Ive gone through a somewhat emotional time socially where no one really go to know each other and it was all a struggle to make yourself look better in the eyes of the person you're talking to. The result? I've almost completely detached myself from reality and have some difficulties socializing. Hell I even became depressed. But i found an amazing way to get rid of that feeling of depression and suicide. It may take a tiny bit of work and emotion but this method is something i can say is legit and i doubt it can be found in those "how to reduce stress" articles written by forbes and cosmopolitan which all have the same techniques.

if u wanna know about it and just vent really, im in search of someone who is going to be a true friend, not a toxic relationship where someone is trying to one up the other. Email me at bluedrago239@gmail.com . see you there brother

Being an outsider is not as bad as you think.

Most friendships die within a year, because most of the friendships we form are rather a community of purpose than a true friendship. Particularly while being young most people are unable to appreciate and apprehend the importance and meaning of true friendship.
I destroyed friendships too, I know what I´m talking about.
I hurt people, people hurt me; I bullied people, people bullied me; I bet up people, people beat up me...
During all this time I learned but one thing: Friendships come and go, but true friendships will last. A true friendship is indestructable.
What you had were no true friends, they were faggots.
One day you´ll meet someone worth your friendship and this person will stay with you, for you think alike and are complemental.
It took some time until I found such friends. Though I´m living on another continent at the moment, we are still in contact and they even come to visit me here.

I had a bad past too, life fucked me every day anew, but I never gave up and kept on struggling. My past doesn´t pull me down anymore, it made me stronger and shaped me for the world I live in now.
Finally, I´m proud of who I am for I know that I worked hard to reach the point I´m standing right now.
It´s the bad things which shape us, not the good things. You´ll grow with bad experiences, trust me. Hate and rage are like a catalyser, giving you the ability to reach a state no one else is able to reach.
One day you´ll be able to look back on these days and laugh about your current problems.

I might be rude from time to time, nevertheless I´m a honest person (except for stupid jokes, of course).
If you want a friend or someone to talk to, feel free to contact me.
Anyways, I´ll be there.
chronos.dollars0404@gmail.com

I know how you feel. I was an outsider for a very long time and had no purpose in my life. My friendships got destroyed when everybody started to party and only I had no interest in alc and girls. I was lonely and depressed and thought that there was no sense in my very existence because I was a loser. First I suffered quietly, hid myself and my pain in a fictive world and lived in animes. Later I joined a Christian community where I had been welcome and found some good friends which whom I could talk about my problems.
Be strong. You can find somebody who accepts you the way you are.

I know I should listen to you guys and I know I should move past it but I just feel like I'm a curse to everyone who meets me. I hate being lonely. It kills me inside. All I can think about is waiting to move dar away from all the people I bothered and then kill myself so no one will ever find me.

Please don't give up yet. I felt like that for a very long time and eventually found someone, I'm sure you will too. I know many people who are looking for someone who's honest and says their true thoughts, and you seem like that kind of person.

fag

We're in the same boat dude. I saw the girl I like today at work, yet I froze up and shied away from her. Not everyone is made to be with somebody. It sucks saying it, but it's the truth. I guess the best thing is to just love yourself and forget about people. Friends come and go. Trust me on that one.

Idk. I'll try but I'll keep suicide as a last resort. I don't seem to be good a all this

>>13 By thinking about your "last resort" please keep in mind, that you´re not "good at all this", meaning your suicide could be a failure too.
Ever seen someone who had failed in committing suicide?
Afterwards you feel so much worser than before.
You don´t want your life to get worser than it already is, do you?

You. Are. DEPRESSED. You need some help, and I don't mean that negatively. You need to see a psychologist who can help you get what you need, whether that's medication, therapy or both. Don't just post about this here, seek actual help. Please!

Humans are too easily manipulable, isn't this interesting? Ones action influences another persons feelings. This is why I love humans! Humans are incredible~ I totally love them~

hey, i know how you feel. a bunch of us do. i cant seem to keep many of my friendships either, and i always feel shitty about it. suicide may seem like some kind of last-resort solution, but suicide is NEVER the answer. please seek help from a counselor or therapist or psychiatrist- they will be willing to help you. if you saw someone else struggling with not being able to keep a friendship, wouldn't you want them to find a solution for it (suicide NOT being one of them)? wish you luck, buddy.

i had the same problems dude. my friendships didnt last long and i felt like its all my fault. this changed when i got older. people become more understandable after puberty. at least this is what i experienced. now i have real good friends. maybe they are all nerds, but they are real friends and i can count on them. never give up your life. keep on hoping. as a dollar you should now: the world isnt as bad as you think!