I think it's time that I stop breathing already. I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of seeing my friends have all of these girlfriends and partners while I have no one. I'm tired of being a virgin. I'm tired of having no certainty for my future. I'm tired of being constantly reminded how alone I am. I'm tired of trying to change. I'm tired of seeing my attempts at change not change anything. I'm tired of being me. I'm tired of being jealous. I'm tired of these mood swings. I'm tired of having no one tell me they love me save for family members. I'm tired of seeing guys treat girls like garbage yet they still love them. I'm tired of being angry. I'm tired of it all. Most importantly though, I'm tired of life.
If anyone wants to say anything, feel free. I'll live for one more day.

Look, I understand your hurt, and your pain. In all honesty, I'm in the same boat as you are right now, but that doesn't mean it's a smart idea to let go. You might have been fighting for all your life or just ten years. It's important to remember that there are people who don't even know you who care about you. Some don't know it yet, some are just too selfish to say anything and I wish they did. No one should hurt like you are. no one should just walk by it. I'd die with you if it weren't for waiting. Waiting for the day after next to come, because in the end, it will. And it will be better than today. You'll be okay. I love you, and I don't know you. There are people who do. If you need to talk, please e-mail me. litzun.dollars@gmail.com I know what it's like to hurt in silence, and it's the worst feeling in the world. Don't go through that.

And my dad just yelled at me. Yeah. That's the final straw.

Also, I wanted to add that I hate being treated like a child. I hate living in my friend's shadow. Most of all, I hate myself.

Hey Lionheart. My name's Ronnie. I actually came here from the discord support group to talk to you. I didn't plan what I was gonna say before I got here so this isn't gonna be eloquent but I'm gonna do what I can. I don't know what your life is like besides what you've said here, but I know your mindset very well. I have scars from my suicide attempts and years of self harming. I have a bad liver from my overdoses. My right arm will never be the same after all the walls I punched. I have long history of personal experience with the amount of tired you're talking about. I wish I had answers to give you that would make it just all go away, but things are never that simple. I can tell you that things can get better. It takes time, and I know it's so hard to wait but it is possible. I've been in ER watching doctors try to save my life while I've begged them not to. I didn't want to live for so long, and I can tell you that I've reached a point in my life where I finally do. I learned how be alone without being lonely. Be comfortable in my own skin. It took alot of work on my part and therapy, but I did it. And I know you're thinking "well good for you", but this isn't a bragging manner. It's a matter of I know you can do it too. I wish I could tell you everything I did to get here right now this very instant, but I'm scared that if I take too long to write this, you won't see it. If you want to come over to the discord support group, my name is the same there is it on here. I'll talk to you for as long as you like there. I know it's impossible to feel like a stranger could care about how your feeling or what you're doing right now, but I joined the Dollars so I could reach out to people. Help them through the very things I went through. Please come talk to me. I really want to be there for you. I want to do what I can.

I'm going for the tough love approach, no "I understand" or "what can we do" you need to help yourself and be fine with your relationships and yourself. You don't need to care about what other people think. I hope you get through it

A french writer once put in one of her books "who could be mad enough to die before having made at least the round of their prison?"

I hope that my translation isn't too bad but what I mean by that is that giving up on life and just letting it go without even trying everything to get better in the first place isn't a wise choice
I've been there too, I'm still in the process of being happy by myself actually but I know now that I'm getting there ^^
It gets better, I know how impossible that sounds when you feel trapped in life but it actually does.
Don't give up tomorrow, try surviving one day more and then another one and another one, etc
Make sure that everyday is worth it
Asking for help isn't something to be ashamed of, life can be rough on us and seeking that is actually something to be proud of
So please please please, try!
You'll see that you'll feel lighter after all this and that life is actually something to live for
It takes time but you have plenty of it so better don't kill the possibilities of getting a better future
I hope this message reaches you and gives you the hope I received when I was thinking the way you are now

I'm sorry that you're dad beats you and calls you a piece of shit dat in and day out. I'm sorry that no one loves you, and you're home is one of the most terrifying places for you. I'm sorry you self mutilate yourself for the high. Im sorry you have thoughts about shooting up the school.

Oh wait that wasn't you that was me, who never used that crap as an excuse. It got to me when you played the pity card on another thread. Sorry it's one if my pet peeves when people use bs excuses for how they act. People are raped, murdered, sold, etc.,everyday.

Boo hoo I can't find a girlfriend and I need a girl to be happy.

Someone won't magically make you happy, you have to do that yourself first.

Be happy you have food on the table, a family, a roof over your head, etc.

Usually when one plays the pity card it's for attention. Have you seriously wanted to end your life? I know I have, ever since I was in grade school till college. Which is another pet peeve of mine, taking suicide lightly just for attention.

Not once have a met a suicidal person complain. They think, whatever it's all f'd, and they don't have the energy to complain.

Sorry I'm a bit rude, but you've done 2 things that truly get to me.

For those telling me that I'm not serious about killing myself, I am. I just want a reason why I shouldn't. I don't want to die. I just feel that I should. And for attention? I never had attention in my life. The last time that people actually gave me attention was when my mother passed away. Then I just got forgotten about. I guarantee that if I killed myself now, people would forget in a week or two, and I'm being generous. It fucking sucks to see all of your friends go out with their girlfriends while you have NO ONE. Sometimes I walk into my house and their is literally no one there. My dad and brother are out while I sit at home because my friends are busy with their girls, half of which got them after treating them like shit. Pity? Ha. People pity me all the time and it pisses me off. Treating me like a child even though I'm 22, from younger people no less. I just want a reason other than "it's gonna get better" because after 22 years, it's not getting any better. Actually, it's getting worse. Way worse. Why is it that my friends treat girls like shit and they love it but when I do it they say "what's your problem?" I have no problem. I'm just doing what they're doing. Who cares though. When I'm dead, I'm dead. I won't have to worry about anything or anyone any longer. I'll probably live until summer is over because I genuinely like summer. If I don't at least find a girl who likes me by the end of summer, it's the end for me. Tired of all of the shit man.

Keyword you don't want to.

You do sound like a little kid, boo hoo I don't have a girl to be with. You gotta change yourself before a girl will, at least to have a meaningful relationship.

You don't even know depression,you still don't want to die. I wanted to die since grade school all the way to college. I truly wanted to.

Nothing will magically be better if you find someone. You have to change yourself first.

I tried changing myself multiple times. I got in shape. I became more social. I act differently. I changed plenty of times and nothing. And tbh I think a girl would make me a little happier. At the very least I won't have to be alone all the time.

Girls are like guys too. A lot of them are just interested in sex. I found that out the hard way.

You will never be happy if you need a lover to get through life. I thought I would once, but made the realization it would fall through, or backfire.

To change myself took about 4-5 years with hundreds of pages I wrote detailing my problems and thoughts.

Go out more and make friends, they'll probably stick around longer than someone you want to be with romantically.

Make new friends if you don't like current ones.

Just don't pull the bs about killing yourself when you really don't want to.

I know. But I'm scared if I make more friends, they will have girlfriends and that I'll be singled out again. I hate that feeling of being isolated all the time. My friends tell me that I take it the wrong way and that I shouldn't feel left out, but really I do. I'm sorry if I'm a pain to help, but I need someone to not be lonely anymore. Friends are great, but having a girlfriend, wife, etc. just gives mew meaning to life. I will feel loved for the first time. Most of all though, I hate being treated like a child. I know I come off as childish in my post, but that's the way people see me in real life. I child who they pity talk to then blow some random guy in the alleyway. I hate that. I hate being seen a childlike. I'm always the butt monkey of my friends even when I try to be as serious as possible. One girl even told me that she refused to hook me up with one of her friends. But then played it off that she never hooks anyone up. I guarantee it was because of me. She is a good friend of mine (who dates one of my best friends who, you guessed it, treated her like crap) but that really bothered me. I am depressed. I can't remember the last time I was truly happy with my life. I do fake happiness and confidence, but even that doesn't work. Maybe I am just a nuisance that everyone is better off without. I get that feeling.

You'll get what you want if you just don't quit - believe you will with all your being and it will come to fruition.

You´re 22? Hahahaha!
Then why don´t you act like 22 and stop this pussy behaviour just for a moment?!
It´s imaginable that no one wants a boyfriend like you are.
Instead of wallowing in self-pity, stop whining for a few seconds and I bet even you could get a girlfriend. Yet you are still whining and complaining in different threads instead of making something out of your life.
That´s pathetic.
There are persons with a life much worser than yours and those persons are still holding on to it! Look around, your life is not the worsest. You´re just too egocentric to see other people´s problems.

You changed yourself several times? Really?
Changing yourself doesn´t mean imitating others, it means to change your entire lifestyle, your belief, your way of thinking - I guess you did nothing of that, you just "did what others were doing" - that´s also pathetic.
Try to be yourself and stop comparing yourself to others - I remember your thread about this topic! You won´t get happy while comparing yourself to others. Just stop it!

You won´t find love until you don´t love yourself entirely.
Try becoming the person you want to be, you don´t need a girlfriend to be happy. What leads you to this stupid conclusion?!

>>9 is completely right, you know?
Why the hell are you searching for a reason why you shouldn´t kill yourself, if you really want to commit suicide it´s unnecessary!
I barely hear bullshit like that - okay, that was a lie, sadly, I hear bullshit like that very often.

You can kill yourself, of course - no one will stop you, no one will miss you. Fine. Do it. Have fun.
But I will call you a pussy for it and I guess so will everyone else.
If you don´t want to be called a stupid faggot anymore, than change yourself once and for all, stop whining and become someone with a personality worth remembering.
Your username is "lionheart" - behave like a lion! Right now you´re more of a "mouse-fart", you know?

Again with the magically love will change my life. Life isn't a fairy tail. The consequences of relying on another for happiness is too risky.

You will be in a first relationship, where you don't know shit about them. You think you do, but you don't. It will fall through and it has to go both ways. They have to rely on you for support. How can they when you can't even really support yourself.

Relationships require work, they don't just magically happen or magically continue. The kind of magical perfect relationship you are talking about is completely one-sided. You relying on them, cause it would be impossible for you to carry their problems when you dnt carry your own

so is that it? you're just gonna give up? to what exactly? no let me ask you this then since you mentioned that you have friends I'm gonna guess that you might have a best friend right? then how do you think he/she's gonna handle the news when they find out your frikkin' dead huh? or what if he/she was the one who found you dead? you said you don't have love well ARE YOU STUPID? You have your friends love so yeah maybe it's not the same kind love you want not everyone gets true love not everyone so cut the crap with the "I'll live for one more day" thing and open your DAMN EYES and look around you have friends who you hang out with and do not come up with some lame ass excuse that oh they have a gf blah blah blah so what if they do? aren't you happy for them? no let me turn the table around a bit shall I? what if one of your friends was the one who you won't be seeing tomorrow or the day after the next? and all because they took their own life? what would you feel? because I don't think you'd be taking the news so lightly so STOP blaming others for nonsense as well as to stop complaining of what your not doing instead of what you could be thinking what YOU can do to change that. Instead of moping around with that lazy ass attitude of yours.

I wonder what posts >>18 and >>19 said...

>>20 You´re right.
I believe Lionheart already realised that his behaviour was childish and egoistic.
However, it´s already been three days ago, so... let´s just see if Lionheart returns... or not.

>>21 I reposted 18 since I didn't think it worked. I was using a phone and it didn't refresh lol.

At least I got him to admit that he wasn't serious about suicide. It pissed me off when people take suicide lightly, since I was suicidal.

But he could've realized he was wrong and started to see life isn't a fairy tale. Or he got fed up that people were trying to snap put of his fairy tale thinking.

Hey guys. I'm back. A little update. Last night, I actually lost my virginity to a girl that my friend set me up with. And... it was terrible. I sucked so bad. I went in but... yeah it was terrible. One of the worst experiences of my life. I guess you get better as time goes on I guess. But you guys are right. I don't really feel the relief that I thought I would feel after losing it. I still feel the same. It was so bad, that the girl and I agreed to tell our friend that we didn't hang out lol. It was a really shitty time. I'm glad and not glad I did it. I'm glad that I finally got that experience, but not glad in that it was so terrible. Hopefully I get better at it. Thanks guys, especially Chronos and Sid.

Hey Lionheart, sorry I'm a little late on all this. I usually talk quite a bit, but I want to keep this as short and sweet as possible for the sake of everyone. First your self-worth is in no way connected to your sexuality. From reading your experiences I think that you might be getting a glimpse of that. I'm not going to say that I understand because the truth is that I don't think that I've ever felt exactly the way that you do right now. Here's what I do know, no relationship can stand when it's made from desperation, and no relationship will give you any satisfaction until your comfortable in your own skin. This is extremely difficult as it seems more and more of the world is becoming hyper-focused on this idea that we only have value based on who were with, what we've accomplished, and things of the like. My mentor gave me some great advice when I discussed my feelings of self hatred for not being with someone. He told me to do the same thing that he did when he felt that way when he was young: Go out, and sit in a park by yourself once a day for at least an hour. Talk with yourself. Learn who you are on your own and learn to love that person. Then you can bring who you are to the table of any social situation, whether it's intimate or otherwise. If you don't know yourself or love yourself then any relationship that you have is going to be plagued by a sense of dissatisfaction.
It can be hard to find peace in a world so fast paced, but the effort is worth it. Finding peace in being alone was the most satisfying journey in my life, and gave me a confidence in my later relationships that I wish I had beforehand.
So much for short and sweet, but I wanted to share my experiences with you. If you want to talk or have specific questions just let me know. I'd love to share with you.

I feel just like you do. All I can want to do is die so I can stop being a problem to people. I believe myself to be cursed and that I ruin every thing I have.

>>26 yeah it sucks man. No one should have to feel this way, but it happens. We'll find someone one day. Hopefully.

You'll find someone. Don't get yourself beat over that. I like to think there is at least one person for everyone