A boy had a crush on me in 9th grade, after a long time of feeling ugly and stupid I finally felt beautiful. My mistake was falling more in love with his words than his actions. He was sweet, kind and funny; but he was obsessed with porn and actually loved the idea of sexualizing fictional children, but aging up their characters just to say "lol it's not pedophilia, they're 27!" Especially with loli characters obviously meant to look like kids, but Y'know they're "60" years old. He romanticized abusive relationships saying that "well it's not cannon so I don't see the problem in supporting it". (Idk about y'all, but it bothers me, and if I'm being ignorant I'd like to please be educated) He also liked to flirt with other people and it bothered me, it's one thing to say a cheesy pick up line phrase but to talk about having sex a lot and having his friends make art of them having sex really fucked up my self esteem. I felt not good enough, and it led me to do stupid things to make sure he doesn't leave me. I did things I knew I wasn't ready for and I can never take it back. I felt like if I lose him, there'd be no one else who'd love me again. This gave me constant anxiety attacks because a voice in my head just kept screaming "YOURE NOT GOOD ENOUGH. STUPID STUPID. KILL YOURSELF". I told him how I felt because communication is hella important and I wanted to compromise. We compromise, but he doesn't hold up to it. Like a promise you know you can't keep. I thought if I constantly told him how badly this is affecting me, he'd finally actually do the compromise he said he would, which was reassurance from time to time. He ended up making my anxiety worse and even aimed to avoid me. I gave him food because he wouldn't eat and when he lost his umbrella or scarf, I offered to buy him another or he can use mine for the time being since he takes the bus and I get picked up from school. He yelled at me for offering. He also yelled at me in front of my friend's friends and acted like he didn't care whatsoever. And private messaged me that I stress him out and that's why he's avoiding me, he expected me to wait for him to be ready for a relationship while he's off messing with other girls and even sexually harassed 2 of my best friends. I became fed up and broke up with him.

Time skip to now, I've had many friends support me and even his own friend didn't condone his actions and comforted me too and started talking a lot. This person because my current boyfriend. He's very sweet and silly. He's always there for me and when he can't be, he always tries to make it up for another time. He got me something wonderful for my birthday and we actually go out on dates. Just like him and my ex, we never had classes together, but he actually makes sure to spend time with me and when he can't, he'd walk me to the bus and go back to the school. He's willing to compromise whenever a problem arises and actually upholds it. And when he forgets, he apologizes and says he'll get the hang of it and make sure not to do it again. We both tend to get jealous since we're still young, but we reassure eachother enough that the feeling doesn't overpower us.
I know this story is hella long but I found it important for people who might be going through a similar struggle to simply say, the 8.5 billion people on this earth aren't for decoration and that you're bound to meet someone you'll be happy with. Whether it's romantic or platonic, there's always someone out there for you.

Thank you so much for sharing your story Bob. There's to many people out there that are going through the same thing. As someone who has had, and continues to fight, a pornography addiction I can say that it royally hecked up my last two relationships as well. My determination to not hurt anybody like that again is a huge help in that fight.

You're extremely brave to share this story, and I'm so happy that you're with someone like that now. There is someone out there for everybody, like you said romantic or platonic. Never resign yourself to a terrible relationship because you think that there isn't someone else. As corny as it sounds, love does always win, and you will love again. Perhaps you'll love differently, but love only grows through hardships.

Stay strong, you're worth everything to someone.