My best friend is having a lot of trouble with her over-controlling mother. For example, We're going to go see a play with our friends in it, and get ice cream afterwords. However, one of our ex friends is also in the play. This is a person who used to mentally and emotionally abuse us, but her mother thinks we still owe her something because she "introduced us to the group" which is bullshit. So she isn't letting my friend go because it would be "rude to leave someone you owe out." Our entire friend group hates this ex friend, and her mother knows that, but still feels the need to dictate my friends friendships. sorry for the long post, and this problem has a hell of a lot of backstory, but I'd appreciate some help. She tries to push back, but unfortunately, her mother is a lawyer. do you know how hard it is to argue with a lawyer? Any advice would be helpful. Thanks you, Dollars.

Sounds like a lot of drama that's pretty standard for what I assume is your age group. I obviously don't know your friend's mother, but it's clear that she's trying to teach her a lesson, probably about loyalty. I don't know the whole story, of course, and unless you were there for the conversation, I doubt you do, either; kids have a tendency to be blinded by anger when they feel controlled by their parents, and make an issue sound worse than it is without including every aspect of the truth. I understand that it seems unfair and probably is, and wholeheartedly see why you don't want to spend your time with someone abusive, but this mother probably doesn't understand the extent of how badly this person treated you or simply wants your friend to be accountable for how her actions (leaving people out) make others feel.

I don't mean this to sound overly insensitive, but every teenager (again, assuming based on the situation, please excuse me if I'm wrong) thinks their parent is overly controlling, and in most cases, it's not nearly as big of a deal as they think it is. Either way, there's very little anyone here can do to help with this, because it ultimately comes down to two very obvious options: sneak out and do it anyway, or suck it up and move on.

If you're willing to give talking to the mother another try despite her insistence, I have a lot of advice. As someone who very, very frequently works with lawyers, your best bet is to shut them up before they start arguing back. I don't mean to have your friend actually tell her mom to shut up, but I do mean to politely shut down any attempts to circle around her daughter's concerns and make them sound trivial. Things like "please don't interrupt until I'm finished", "I need you to try to listen to me, not argue with me", "I don't want to argue, I want to talk", and "please don't make this combative when I'm trying to be civil" are things that could work. Lawyers have a tendency to exaggerate things to prove points, twist your words to suit their arguments, and interrupt/take over the conversation to shut down valid points. Using any of those phrases calmly and respectfully but sternly should help to shut down any of those tactics and show that you're unfaltering and not falling for it.

Ultimately, good luck, and I hope it works out for you.

The problem is... Her mother knows everything. And I'm aware that teenagers sometimes feel that their parents aren't fair, but in this case, the mother is entirely controlling. When my friend didn't have the same opinion as her mother on a sensitive topic, he mother locked her in her room, and wouldn't let her talk to her own SISTER. Her mother won't even let her host group events because she feels our age group is "unruly", which I could mostly understand, except our friend group consists of about 6-7 people, and we're all EXTREMELY afraid of people our own age.

And while that does seem like quite the abusive predicament, it still is nothing anyone on the internet can help you with. Are you trying to earn sympathies and attention, or are you trying to get someone to tell you that's abuse? Because words are all we can really offer you, don't you think? If you're looking for coddling 'you can do it's, I don't know if this is the place. Because your options are pretty obviously laid out for you if you're as aware as you seem that this is abuse. Call the police, call social services, gather some proof for either if you can. If not, support her emotionally and help her get out of or even just get through the situation, or talk to other adults in your life and try to find help there. Since all of that is pretty obvious and I'm sure you'd thought of it yourself before posting, you've got to be looking for something else from us, and if it's not attention and sympathy, I'm not quite sure what it is.

It was never my intention to try and get sympathy. I only wanted advice. I apologize if it came across any other way. I'm worried about my friend and just want the best for her. Thank you for the advice, I'll do the best I can.