So my parents fight a lot, and the usual pattern is giving each other the silent treatment for 2-3 days and then my dad suddenly exploding and it turns into a shouting match. When his anger gets out of control he gets physical and starts hitting tables with his fist and throwing plates.
These fights have obviously affected me and my two younger siblings. We usually end up crying together.
So the question is, would our parents waiting until we're asleep/not in the house be a better approach? I was thinking about this, and that was my first thought, but then I thought that it's kind of like creating this false ideal family situation.
Another question I have is should children intervene when their parents are fighting? One time when my parents were arguing my dad barged into me and my younger sister's rooms and told us that if we're going to ignore the arguments that happen then we "might as well not live in this house".
Sorry to hear what you and your siblings are going through now, seems like your parents are not on good terms for quite a while already. Of course this is bad if your younger siblings (below 14 yrs) have to witness the fight.
Some advice I can give, understand your parents' situation. What are they quarreling about? Why do they need to quarrel? During this "silent treatment" of about 2-3 days, talk to your parents, try to soothe them down. Say that you and your siblings don't like watching them fight.
Personally I'm quite afraid that your dad said that in your last paragraph. Given that he's the violent type, my only concern is you and your siblings well-being. You should start seeking for help. Start with relatives, try to get them to coax your parents. An alternative would be to look for family welfare support groups run by social workers or volunteers. They might lend your family a helping hand.
Everything I said is true. I don't understand why you think I'm lying? I would never lie about my family situation for pity. I have only posted twice including this one because I needed other's advice and because I didn't want to burden my irl friends with my personal problems.
But whatever, you probably don't believe me anyway.
The world is cold and unloveable that´s why nobody believes you. I know, it hurts. Don´t worry, Chronos believes you. Just kidding. I don´t even care.
However. No. Parents shouldn´t fight in front of their children, what a stupid question. Parents shouldn´t even fight without their children being nearby. Parents simply shouldn´t fight. Nobody should fight. Not with their family, not with thier friends, not with their departed grandmother, not even with their second personality while taking a shit - don´t fight! It´s bad and of course it has an affect on others.
>Should my parents wait until I fall asleep? Yeah, that would be a good idea, but sadly when you´re in rage you don´t wait until your children are sleeping, you´re arguing immediately.
>Should I interfere? lol. Yeah, try it. Noooo, don´t do it, it will even get worser. If you´re participating in the fight and side with one of your parents, the other will get furious and start disliking you. Just ignore it. The only exception is, when you truly believe that e.g. your father is wrong (because he drinks too much or whatever), then you can tell your mother AFTER the fight, that you share her opinion. NEVER participate in the fight!
So, now you got a reply. I don´t know whether you are the same Anonymous - at least your ID is not the same - but who cares...
