Hello dollars,
I've never felt the emotion of love before. By that I mean in a relationship wise as like romantic wise or falling in love in general. I don't find myself as attractive or someone who would never like me more than a friend. I don't like myself to be honest but I don't really think about my self that much in general except unless this situation comes in hand. I think it all started when a guy tried to kiss me on the cheek. It was just going to be one kiss, but I dogged and ran away, I apologized though but I might have made him feel like he is more different for me. He still likes me till this day, but I have affection twords him as a friend. But on that day, I felt like I don't know how to explain it,but it's as it felt like I've made someone heart break in front in my eyes. and I felt like an jerk to him. I'm sorry. Even though I've made that action towards him, I still don't know how he still likes me still... A few months later, I found out from my friends from school that a guy who I was close to, had feelings for me. To be honest I thought it was a lie, or joke my friends played on me. But even someone from my math class talked about it, and so I thought I would talk to him face to face about it. I found out the rumor was true. I was shocked. But I freaked out I apologize to him and ran away like I did to the last guy who showed his feelings in a action. Some of my friends found out of it. And they thought of a practical joke and some kids joined in also. You know some of those ship names they do to people. Yah they did that to us making "our" ship name, and started a riot in the school hallways yelling the name. Thank god I ran away as soon as I can. It was honestly the most embarrassing thing for me. I'm sorry. Som of you guys may have seen this as a dramatic post, but I'm just being honest. Most of my friends see me as a caring person who is selfless, there for people and also a good friend, heck I even won the "I care" award in my middle school graduation. But even though they say that, I feel I'm just nothing actually. But I'm not depressed or anything, but I feel just I don't need someone in my life to make me feel special in my life. And to be honest I'm happy with my life so far.

I needed this to get off my chest. Anyone have advice to help not freak out during these situations or have experience this before, thank you for giving your views about this problem that I had been having for a while. Thank you

If you´re fine with that and you don´t need anyone at your side there is no problem at all. I also don´t want to have anybody at my side and I´m totally fine with it.
Not wanting to have somebody at your side doesn´t mean that you´re not caring. You don´t need to be sorry for breaking his heart - there are times in which being an asshole is completely legit.

How not to freak out... well, that´s something only you can change by yourself. Be confident and tell them "I´m sorry, but I don´t have the same feelings for you". On the other hand there is the possibility for you to freak out only because you´re surprised and don´t know what to do. Don´t worry, you might get used to such situations and will stay calm after it happend hundred times.

I never felt an emotion akin to love until I was 20. I always hated myself, and that was when I started to change my mindset. You have to learn to love yourself before you can love another.

Also the best thing in life is to be happy with yourself, since it shoes you that you don't need to be with someone to live a happy life.

Also people are cruel, they always will be, but some people aren't. F those people is what I would do and say. They don't know you and they're pussies for
ganging up on you.

But you could think of what life they lived to do these actions. Where they abused and just letting out some steam? Are they caring for a relative? Do they have a single parent and have to shoulder some of the stress? That's one thing which helped me out, since those are real reasons why real people bullied orhers. It helps getting lost in thought and blocking others out too doing so.

Sorry if there's a bunch of typos I'm using a phone.