I'm so over people right now.. I can't even hang around my friends because their mood just makes me feel worse plus they are much better off without me and the one person I thought I could count on doesn't even give a damn and it just irritates me to know I wait hours or even never get a reply and they will reply to everyone else. It makes everything feel so much worse and I just have to deal with my siblings being jerks and taking low blows at me like about a warning notice from the school... I think it's because of my attendance but regardless it was a really low blow for my sister to take when I'm already feeling like a failure and having adults tell me to stop doubting myself but how can I? I'm not even good at anything and I just wanna disappear sometimes be non-existent for awhile but that isn't going to happen and frankly I'm starting to get over everything I don't want a repeat of last year where I just come home and sleep everything away but it's starting to get that way and I don't know what I should do I'm either feeling like I should be cold to everyone around me and withdraw myself or sticking with things how they are but it kills me to see people smiling or laughing and I just want the world to be 'grey' for awhile void of happiness or anything the like of it. I just wish the people I knew irl would take the time to reply to messages or have a conversation with me not just it being at school. I want to be able to have someone to talk to other times or during holidays but I don't get that... Recently I actually wanted to try and get everyone to hang out more...you know to make fun memories but that's really stupid, actually kinda beyond stupid. Honestly I wish bottling things up and writing my thoughts and how I feel down on paper worked,..but it doesn't. Anywho I'm done I vented enough