It's adults I grew up with. Adults like them always think that they're so mighty and high and deserves to be respected. They're ignorant to other's feelings, get all biased, and provokes you to see you mad. They like to stomp on your self-esteem and emotions, then expects you to give them an apology because it's ALL THE CHILDREN'S FAULT. Because we're the small, insignificant ones, because it looks like we hardly don't know shit when we do, in fact, research unlike you. They want you to act within society and stop being so humiliated for having a child that's a bit different compared to the other girls. So what? I don't like dresses, I like stuff that looks cool and fun, I don't smooch around celebrities, I hate makeup, I don't walk like girls, but you want me to do all that? If it's my mother, she wanted a girly daughter. Sorry for being a kid that's not girly. Sorry for not being social. Sorry for sleeping late. Sorry for having a small amount of self-esteem. Sorry I'm not smart like my brother. Sorry for hurting myself. Sorry for correcting a know-it-all mother. Sorry for exploding on the littlest things. Sorry I turned from being a sweet little tot to a violent, disgusting kid. Sorry for being a little different.
I am a bad person, I know that. I burst into big amount of anger and become a monster you never know. I kick and throw whatever I see, I cry in frustration, I think of murder, I want to do more, but I know I will get in trouble. Sometimes I can't do anything and is expected to keep in my anger, but it's so hard. So instead I hurt myself. I scratch until bits of skin is gone and the skin is all marked with red dots. I pull out my hair, beat my head into the wood, or bite myself. It hurts, but right inside, it hurts the most. I want to die, but I'm scared, I'm a coward, I can't even cut myself, it's pathetic. My mother saw a mark that I've done to myself, but she didn't even comfort me. She grew furious that I did it because of her, and ended up gossiping about me within the family. She pulled my shoulders roughly for not walking correctly, yelled at me to follow her, then made me show my dad the mark. Scolded me a few more, she made me go back to bed while I just cried to myself, fuming with anger that she's laughing again by the other door with my dad and brother. It's just one of the memories I can't forget that made me full of bitterness. I always talk to my subconscious mind to comfort myself. Sometimes I think that they're all scheming this, to make me feel angry, then just put out the words that they're adults and shouldn't get cocky. Don't get me wrong, my mother's really kind. But at times, I want to just kill her. But it's because I'm such a terrible person that I could think of that. But it's a feeling I hate. Hatred, bitterness, desperate filled inside. It makes me so frustrated that I hurt myself again, yet no one cares. I want someone to comfort me, hug me, and say it's okay. But not even my mom does that. I want to die, but I'm a coward. I'm crazy, stupid, and an attention-seeker.
Can anyone help me? Comfort me? Please help, I feel so scared.

Don't waste what you've been given, because nothing else is free.

This stuff is deep...well i don't really know what to say, I mean I'm glad you haven't killed yourself yet, but what kind of mother doesn't comfort their child, I do agree with Incin...look killing someone will make you feel worse than before and killing yourself well...you will regret when you realize what you left behind, I mean maybe you won't but....it's hard to forgive someone who commits such a bad sin

From what you wrote, I don't think you are a bad person. No, you are actually a great person. You keep beating yourself up about thoughts on murder, I think they are perfectly natural. As long as you refrain from actually doing the act, you're ok. See, murder has turned from something we condemn, to a form of entertainment for people. It's sick, but it's society. When people hurt you, you tend to want to hurt them back. Hurting yourself more isn't the way to solve your problems. Your mom not acknowledging your problems, that's wrong. She can help if she tries, but not trying, that's the true crime in my book. I could give you inspirational quotes to try to help, but I think talking it out is what you need. You can contact me at: hitsuji.dollars@gmail.com
and/or get counseling. Our society seems to think needing mental help signifies something to be wrong with you, but It's wrong. I suffered with depression, and I currently suffer with social anxiety, counseling has been a great help to me in getting through it. Stay strong, and remember, if you need someone to talk to, shoot me an email, I'd be happy to help.

I know that apologies don't actually fix anything, but I'm sorry that you're going through that. I suffer from depression, and though I can't understand your situation, feel free to talk to me about anything. You are not alone.

You are NOT a coward! You aren't a bad person, either. If you were a truly terrible person, you would not be on here, reaching out for help. I'm really proud of you for doing that! Not many depressed people out there have the courage to ask for help. So, really, I think that you're very brave.

I know that right now, life seems hopeless, but you have to trust me when I say that LIFE WILL GET BETTER!! It will! I promise that it will. You didn't mention whether you have friends or not, but regardless of that, I will be your friend. And as your friend, please talk to me if you feel upset or scared or like you might hurt yourself. And don't feel like you're burdening me with your problems - that's the depression talking. I WANT to help you, so don't feel guilty about reaching out for help!

If you feel like you need to talk, here's my email: RinaK.dollars@gmail.com

Life will get better, no matter how bad it seems. And you are never alone - you have me! I'm here for you! You can talk to me about whatever you want - if you don't want to talk about your problems, then we don't have to! But please talk to someone, even if it isn't me. You are a brave and good person, and don't hesitate to email me for any reason. You aren't a burden.

Your friend,
RinaK