I feel like there is nothing left for me to do anymore, that there is no meaning to my existence. I mean, my grades are good, only because I neglect myself from everyone, I don't usually get in trouble, only because I don't do anything, and I don't feel safe. Every time I make a minor mistake, I get yelled at to an extent that makes me scared to live in my house. My mom would call me downstairs, yell at me, blame me, then hold the cooking knife in a violent way towards me. I don't know what to do. Whenever I stop pretending around my friends, they leave and start spreading shit about me. My "friends" use me to copy off answers and copy my notes. I don't know what to do anymore.

Talk to teachers, tell them your feelings, ask them to talk to your parents.they understand. They've seen many cases and talked to many parents.

being in that stage is insane and life is directionless

theres a decorum to fit into, to be around people; but ultimately thats what makes us all dull-everyday-creatures

soon we all learn/try to shut out the white noise of people saying shit about us - people talk, and if it doesnt help you, you can dwell on it, or you can understand they dont really know whats going on, and look past it. Dwelling on it wears you down in the long run.

your friends use you, just as you use your friends. i dont really understand how to have friends; its a very idealisitc concept, and it only happens very rarely. but', common everyday friends use you as you use them. thats why the relationship sustains.

No matter how much you go through and what gets thrown at you, don't let it get to you because when it seems like there is no hope that there is even if it is a small percentage. Just remember you are important and have a purpose in life because if you weren't here you wouldn't have made the good memories you created and great people you met. I went through something similar but that is a long story unless you want to hear it.