Someday I will kill my whole family, and it will b my fault. I'm sick and tired of being like this, and if I haven't gotten rid of myself by then, then I'll get rid of them. I'm trying to last and wait until I move out, I'm trying to not pick up that knife, but it's so fucking hard sometimes. If I snap one day, don't blame my insanity, blame me.

I am sorry to hear you are struggling so much. I know this may sound cliche or dumb but the world isn't as horrible as you may feel it is right now. You won't be in the same situation a year, a month, or even a day from now. Each day we change and it only ever takes one positive thing to turn your life around. Each person has bad stuff in their life, hard stuff that makes you feel as if it will never get better. I've been through that, we all have. There will be a time when you can move out and discover who you really are inside and you can mold your life into something you love so please dont give up. Its so easy to let emotions rule your life but its always a better option to hold on/cope instead of doing something you will regret forever. Life has amazing things to offer so please focus on the good and try to have hope that tomorrow will be better. Its hard to be positive when you are suffering but when you reach a point in your life where you are truly happy than it was well worth it. Feel free to email me if you want to talk more kaiyo.dollars@gmail.com

If my shit got permasaged. This shit need to be permasaged.

I'm sorry to hear that but tell yourself this: Is it really worth the mess and prison time?

I have the same issue but since I was so afraid of myself I'm taking therapy and also I did tell my family how I truly felt. It is a bad idea and not worth it. If I want to be a doctor to help ppl I know I can't risk anything to get in my way. I really suffer from mental issues for how I'm treated daily. It hurts a lot and I want to move too. Trust me if I lose anyone I care about anymore it will drive me crazy. I don't want to die either that's why I come down to that too but sometimes I feel like I should before I become a monster as well. Don't do it! I beg of you unknown person you're not alone going through pain in the world ok. Just don't do it, it's not worth it and in your best knowledge really understand you shouldn't.