1 Name: Ophelia : 2017-04-03 04:41 ID:jmC0lCnu [Del]
Hello, there. Name's Ophelia, even tho I am a guy. It holds a special meaning to me, and I use it more as a.. I dunno, title? Codename? I dunno. Point is, it isn't my actual name, but what it IS is another tale entirely! Moving on.
So, I can't sleep right now, because my thoughts are occupied. I'm a very emotional person, I guess, and I like to vent my current thoughts, otherwise they just build up and I can't stop thinking about them. That might come off as obnoxious, which is exactly why I am here. I already told my friends this, once or twice, but a third time would get them pretty annoyed, I'm assuming.
I don't care if this doesn't reach anyone, it's public and all that matters. I just gotta say it and free my minds of these thoughts. .. No, I didn't commit a crime! This isn't a confession.
Her name was Alice.
Growing up, I was very.. Lonely. I had a temper, a bad one. I like to blame where I grew up. Wasn't physical, but my dad verbally abused my mom, and try as she might, bless her soul, to not lash out on us, she did sometimes. Again, verbally. I was never hit, unless as intended discipline for doing wrong. Even then, a spank was just enough to get the idea through to me whatever I did was wrong. That's a touchy subject, so let's move on.
As I was saying, her lashing out affected us more than we realized. We moved away from our dad a few states over, my mother desperately tried to salvage a way to live uncomfortably, and we landed in a nice apartment complex. Two bedrooms, so my mother slept on the couch for us, bless her soul.. She worked graveyards in a nearby hotel to provide, and life was steady and fairly normal. Of course, sibling fights weren't exempt, and we'd always fight and shout since our mom was absent.
Whoa, there. This isn't what I wanted to talk about! All I'm saying is, because of this, my temper was short and my anger was feral. Childhood, because of this, was very lonely. I never made any friends, because any interaction usually led to me lashing out, and beating the kids up. I was never known as a friend, but rather, "Watch out for Dominic, he beat up my brother yesterday..", whenever they caught a glimpse of me. Felt horrible. I never wanted to hurt anybody, and for a while, I always wanted to be a comedian. Pretty stupid for a kid like me at the time, eh? That never flew, obviously.
I can go on about the reputation I made throughout the complex. For hours, even. Like once, I rammed this kid into a hefty tree, and cracked the trunk! .. Eh heh.. *Ahem* Back on topic! Really, distracting me like that.. I'm a professional! You people..
Point is, most of my days were spent on those green boxes that cover God knows what. Some kind of power boxes because they always hummed. Day and night, viewing from afar the playground inhabited by normal children playing and enjoying their day. Everyone had their own view on me, boy were they vocal about it, no attempt to hide their gossip and comments. For a while, I enjoyed it. Felt like praise at the time, but had I accepted it or not, I knew I was hurt. But then..
But then I saw her (FACE, NOW I'M A BELIEVER-) *Gets slapped* Sorry. Serious story, here. Was just getting a little too dramatic!
Throughout all my bursts, fights, shouts, rants, and creative swearing, I saw one girl, and presumably her brother. They never stared, laughed, gossiped, or even looked at me funny. She certainly did look, but, if anything, was out of caring, and worry. I got used to just shrugging off what people thought, or so I liked to believe, but her face never escaped me.
I dunno what came over me, such a distant kid never having interacted with someone else past what I thought of their face and family with a vulgar filter, getting the urge to actually.. Talk. I had walked over with an assurance I'll never be able to describe. She looked up like an angel bestowing a blessing from God himself. Here I would like to say I'm exaggerating, but for once, I'm not. She was beautiful, surreal, I have a hard time believing such a kind soul was even brought down to such a disgusting place.
Her hello shot like an arrow of warmth and kind feelings into my cold soul, her smile melted away the iron walls I had built up for so long. She invited me down on the grass like I was a close friend, her brother Wyatt was just as a kind.
Sigh.. Such a wonderful time in my life. What I wouldn't give to go back there..
We spent days upon days together, never separated and always laughing together in the nice summer days, days which I despised when seeing kids having fun with their "friendship". Tbh, I just envied them.
Alice must have knew that, somehow, as she embraced my reaching soul with no hesitation, no judgement, just sincerity. She allowed me to be myself when I didn't know who I really was. I genuinely felt.. Happy, with them. I made them laugh and it just.. Filled me with genuine joy.
This was friendship, I finally had someone I could confide in, spend my time with, and just.. Enjoy life with. But, like everything, it too had passed..
On one Fall day, I ran to their backyard, the place we ALWAYS met up. I had a lot of things to tell them, so I ran. Ran into Alice in front of her car. With a box. And a somber expression that hurt my soul to even look at.
Tears welled up in her eyes as she lowered the box, and ran to me for an embrace that weighed down like an anchor on me.
"I'm moving."
Before I continue, this may seem like a "S*** happens, bro. Move on with life my brother, life is a garden dawg, just gotta dig it. Life is like the everchanging seasons that be givin' us new flowers, friendships to take care of. Nurture your garden and prosper, my dude." .. This is what I think you sound like, yes.
Just know, that, I had no one. Despite my world opening up with my defenses lowered, no one wanted to be my friend still. It was just Alice and Wyatt. And now, like the cruel flab biscuit life is, was ripping them away from me.
I was in complete shock, I didn't even see Wyatt at the time. Her dad called her into the car, as they had just finished packing. She couldn't bring herself to talk, nor could I. A long look into each other before hopping into their van. I watched them pull out and away, standing in the street even after they were long gone. .. Until a car came across, that is.
Something is missing from the end there, right? Right. A good-bye, an exchange of numbers, names. I DIDN'T KNOW HER LAST NAME, GODDAMMIT. I'm sorry, it's just.. This is the part that gets me, you know?
I was SO infatuated with the idea of friendship, I got caught up and lost the person closest to me. I'll probably never see her again, judging by the way life treated me with her. I never got to say good-bye, and I never will. And that's just gotta stick with me.
I'm feeling tired now I got all this out, and I'm sorry for the wall of text I just made. I've literally just been rambling on for about an hour. I don't care if you scrolled to the bottom, or took time to read. .. Wait no, I do care! Thank you! If you did, then I can rest easy. I just had to get my emotions out. I'll never forget Alice for as long as I live, be it in a somber reminder, or a joyous impact, I don't care. I hope, wherever you are, you're living as you deserve, Alice. Heavenly.
